Uncredited
by shouldbecleaning
Summary: Steal: to take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it, to dishonestly pass off (another person's ideas) as one's own, or to take the opportunity to give or share (a kiss) when it is not expected or when people are not watching.
1. Chapter 1

**Someone else owns the rights...I'm just playing with the lefts.**

 **JulieToo performed magic to make this readable.**

Prologue

In the beginning, there had seemed to be so many; it had been difficult to select which one to use. Now he only had one left. The last one she left him. He had used them all and, like he did her, used them well. The last was a reminder of that night and his deplorable actions. A reminder of her he kept even from himself.

He was hesitant to use it because he thought it was the best of the lot. But then they'd all be gone. Then she'd be well and truly gone from his life. He would have to face up to what he had done to her. What he continued to do to her. Day after day and year after year. A special slow torture he had devised, with her in his mind. Only, the torturer became the tortured as his pain increased day by day.

No one else knew. It was just one of his dirty little secrets. It was only fitting; she had been his dirty little secret too. No, not little, she was the biggest, deepest, dirtiest secret he had. He kept her away from everyone who was important to him. Held her at arm's length. Treated her like crap. When he had gotten what he'd wanted from her, he tossed her out. Made her leave unwanted and quickly forgotten until time ran out for him.

Well, not quite forgotten.

In moments of regret and reflection late at night, her memory haunted him. Those moments seemed to happen more and more these days. He heard her laugh in crowded rooms and saw her face behind closed eyes. If he used it, his memory of her would be out there for everyone and it would haunt him even further.

He had almost everything he had ever wanted. More than most men ever dreamed of having. He had what he had aimed and worked years for. But it wasn't enough. The money, the accolades, the respect and the fame. At first, he loved it. How could he not? But each time, it tore a small bit from him, it picked away at his very core.

He would have to come clean, he knew he should come clean and tell everyone what he had done. They had all believed the lie for so long, what would they think of him now? What would they think when they found out that the words they thought were his were not his own. What would happen when they found out just who he had stolen them from? They were her words, he had stolen them and so much more from her. Like a parasite he had fed from her dying flesh and he not only survived but thrived. What would be left of her?

Maybe if he found her first, apologized and begged for forgiveness. Maybe if she absolved him of his sins. Maybe if she let him grovel at her feet, the demons that plagued him would stop knocking around his head. But how do you track a ghost from your past? And where do you even start?

 **AN: Many thanks to the lovely and beguiling JulieToo for over a year's hard work on this project. I started this last summer but there were calamities and this was put on the back burner to slowly simmer. Now that Cold is almost finished I thought it was time.**

 **And no, I'm not cheating on beachcomberlc. She knows about me and JulieToo. She's hiding her hurt with long strolls on the beach and pre-reading this for me.**

 **This story will update on Tuesdays. Unless something really, really weird happens.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own the rights to the Twilight universe.**

 **JulieToo is my long suffering beta for this story. Beachomberlc got to read it before anyone else. Without those two I would be lost.**

Chapter 1

In the present…

In the back of a closet, in a handsome house tucked in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, lays a thick scrapbook not yet coloured by age. Some of the pasted articles include:

 ** _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- February**

"Local band makes it big."

After spending years as a cover band much loved by this town's college students and the recent introduction of their own original music, _Uncovered_ has been signed for a three record contract by new and upcoming label Prairie Dog records. The foursome started in high school and stuck together through college playing in small bars in between classes. Their playful presence on stage, taunting each other musically led to local renown. Their debut album will be released soon.

 ** _University Radio 90.5_ interview Transcript- July**

Big news from Uncovered with Ben Cheney, host of _Prime Drive_

'Since the signing their first record deal Uncovered can do no wrong. Sales of their album have exceeded all expectations and they are now in talks for a multi stop tour. At the bar where it all began, last night I sat down with the members of Uncovered to catch up.'

'Response to your first record has been phenomenal. What do you think is the main reason behind your success, Jasper?'

'Well, we've been such good friends for years and we work really well together but right now I'd have to credit the songs that Edward wrote. The lyrics just seem to resonate with our fans. You know that we started as a cover band singing and playing other people's music but there is nothing quite like playing your own work."

'So where are you going from here, Emmett? There are rumours of a tour, possibly opening for a big name.'

'Yeah, there is something in the works but we're not allowed to talk about it just yet'

'Rosalie, how is your new found fame treating you? You should be used to it by now, right, with your years of modelling?'

'It's nothing too bad yet. I mean, we are still relatively unknown outside of the county.'

'Edward, any new songs lately? Can you give us some hints? I know you can't see it over the radio but Edward is just shaking his head. Okay, so here just a sample, from their first album, Maple Sugar, here is Uncovered with "Stars".

 ** _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- October**

"Breaking News for local band, Uncovered."

With the lead singer of The Screaming Zombies arrested on cocaine charges, U2 is now looking to Uncovered to become their opening act. Their popular cover of "Sweetest Thing" helped get them the attention of Island records, which lead to their chart topping debut album _Maple Sugar._ No news yet if they will play the cover as part of the opening. The tour continues across the country for the next four months.

 ** _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- November**

"Sony signs Uncovered"

Sony has optioned the contract for Uncovered from indie label Prairie Dog for an undisclosed amount. Their second album is due for release at the end of the year, Sony officials say. "We are all very excited to include Uncovered in to the Sony family. We know we will be seeing great things from them in the future."

Uncovered was not available for comment, but representatives state that the band is overjoyed with the contract.

 ** _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- December**

"Re-release of debut album brings record sales for local band"

 _Maple Sugar_ , the smash hit debut album by local band Uncovered, has been re-mastered and re-released under the Sony music label just in time for Christmas. For the fans of the band, included are three of the musical covers they used to play in bars around town before they made it big.

"It's a tribute to the fans that helps us get to where we are now. If it weren't for the support of our hometown we would not be here today," said Rosalie Hale, blond bombshell drummer for the band.

The band's second album is now due for release early next spring after being postponed for two months, but the band is very tight-lipped about it. Even Jasper Whitlock, guitar and vocals, the most garrulous member of the band, won't spill. This reporter knew better than to try to get any information out of Edward Cullen, lead vocals and keyboard. Notoriously silent Cullen is known for his single word answers for any interview the band holds. As the band's main songwriter, perhaps Cullen is saving all those words for their next song. The ever serious Emmett McCarty, bass, said they were sworn to secrecy by Sony but that the band was very proud of the work they had put into the new album. Cont. p7

 ** _Channel 6 entertainment news_ with Lee Stevens - Transcript with stills - March**

Do you know where your teenager is? That is the question posed to many parents over the last two days. Scores of teens, male and female are lined up at music stores all around town eagerly awaiting the release of Uncovered's sophomore album. The title of the album has not been made public. However the lack of this trivial piece of information will not deter die hard fans such as Lucy, Maria, and Nettie.

Lee-"So girls, who's your favourite?"

Nettie-"Emmett, he so TDH"

Lee-"TDH?"

Nettie-"Tall, dark and handsome"

Lucy-"Jasper, he's always so happy. He smiles all the time."

Lee-"Isn't he dating Edward's sister?"

Lucy-"Yeah, but I could change his mind."

Lee-"Okay. What about you, Maria? Are you here for Edward?"

Maria-"Nope, Rosalie is the one for me. She' so hot."

Lee-"Well there you have it. Just a few Uncovered fans waiting patiently for the next album that is due out tomorrow. Back to you, Heidi."

Stills include each girl posing with cardboard cut-outs of the band members

 ** _Rolling Stone Magazine_ April issue**

"Uncovering Edward Cullen by Jane Marcus"

Getting an interview with Edward Cullen is just slightly easier than getting an interview with the Pope. Getting him to talk during that interview was akin to trying to juice a turnip. Press as hard as you can and you just might get a drop or two. But is the bitter juice worth the effort?

While watching him trying to decide if he was going to answer any of my questions I tried very hard not to jump over the coffee table and lick him. He really is that pretty. I did maintain my professional demeanour but just barely.

In a fairly drab hotel room I met with Cullen, lead singer and main songwriter for Uncovered. I tried to ask the questions everyone has been asking him for the past three years. I tried to come up with new questions. I asked questions about family pets, library books, and deodorant. One word answers were all I could get.

It's not that he is unfriendly or rude. He was all smiles when I answered the door. He made polite small talk. But as soon as the questions about his music start, he's gone. There is a brick wall about him and no one is getting over, under or through it.

Meeting with his band-mates an hour after our interview began gave me no more information about the man himself. He lets them do all the talking for him. He just sits there with a small smile on his face.

I did find out more about the history of the band and the individuals who make up the foursome.

The band started as a trio in Cullen's parents' garage in high school. Cullen made his little sister play drums for them until they could find a permanent player. Whitlock started guitar at a very early age, while McCarty had only been playing bass for a few months. Cullen's mother forced him into piano lessons as soon as he could reach the keys. They wanted to start playing local bars and venues but with Cullen's sister being underage, they had to audition for drummers. The three burly young lads were joined by Rosalie Hale, a willowy blonde who could wield a drumstick like no one they had ever seen before. And the rest, they say, was history.

As a cover band, they played their way through almost every bar in the town where they grew up , making a name for themselves along the way. They took a break from playing for one summer. They all took jobs to try to earn enough money to cut a demo. Cullen was the one who was tasked with coming up with new material.

And did he ever. By the time the band got back together, Cullen had written three new songs. Those songs caught the eye of Prairie Dog Records and the band was signed about a year later.

With college degrees and a record deal,the band started playing on tour while Cullen wrote the songs needed to fill a whole album. The album, _Maple Sugar_ was an indie hit that, once it was heard by Island records, led to Sony and the world. Their biggest hit was the quirky "Weighty Ghost". It topped the charts for three weeks. Subsequent releases of "Stars", "Ho Hey" and "Good Riddance (Time of Your life)" also charted well but did not crack number one.

Their sophomore album, _Borealis_ , is still charting and although it was only just released, it is predicted to do very well.

However, no matter how much success or acclaim the band receives, Cullen refuses to say where he gets the inspiration for his songs. Several critics say his lyrics are pure poetry. His chameleon like voice goes from rough to gentle from song to song. The band's playlist is eclectic. It's hard to classify them into a genre of music. But the one constant is the lyrics, haunting and sometimes painfully heartbreaking. It makes me wonder what happened to Cullen in the past. Was there someone who eluded the handsome man and broke his heart? Could be. In all the years he and the band have been in the spotlight, he has never been linked to someone romantically. Although, there are legions of teenaged girls and their mothers who would love nothing more than to be the one to mend his injured feelings.

So what's next for the band? According to Whitlock, a big tour across North America is on the agenda. Then back to work in the studio for a third album. We will just have to wait and see what this band has in store for us in the future.

 ** _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- June**

 _"Borealis_ by Uncovered outsells debut album"

The second album from local favourites, Uncovered, has beaten all sales records set by their first album. Ticket sales for their upcoming tour were astronomical. All dates sold out in a matter of minutes. Extra shows have been added to most of the stops but many fans will just have to wait until their next tour to be able to see them. The band is also doing the talk show circuit so those who cannot get tickets or afford them will have to be content to see the band on the small screen.

 **AN: I am absolutely gobsmacked by the response to this story. My mind, previously twisted, is now blown to bits.**

 **I don't claim ownership of any of the songs mentioned in this story. My sincerest apologies to any band member who takes umbrage. Legally I can not use lyrics in this story but I encourage you to have a listen to all of them at your leisure.**

 **Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep**

 **Stars by Simply Red**

 **Ho Hey by The Lumineers**

 **Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day**

 **Sweetest Thing by U2**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own the rights to Twilight, I'm not really sure what I own 'cause my house is very messy.**

 **JulieToo is my beta. Beachcomberlc is my pre-reader. Zombie is my cat. I adore them all.**

Chapter 2

In the past…about 6 years ago

July

Edward Cullen was late.

Late and pissed off.

Late, pissed off and hungry.

He was pissed off because he was late for the stupid class that would probably do nothing for him. He was pissed off because he was lost and couldn't find the class. The community college was a rabbit warren of corridors and linoleum. Edward Cullen was a man of higher education, a university student. He was a senior on the Dean's List, so what the hell was he doing navigating the hallways of a minor community college, he asked himself, as he took yet another wrong turn.

His friends. It was all their fault. While it had seemed democratic to draw straws he still couldn't shake the feeling that he had been shafted. Royally fucked. When they had decided to become a real band and cut a demo with their own songs, they knew they had to gain some capital and write some songs. Edward drew the short straw so instead of planting trees for the summer he was stuck taking a community college songwriter's class. Six weeks of his life he would never get back.

Edward skidded to a stop outside a closed door. Fucking finally he had found it. He opened the door and slunk into the room. There were row upon row of desks in pairs. Most of them were filled with the kind of people Edward expected he would find. Bored housewives, stoner dropouts, and senior citizens. One pair of desks held a little promise. Seated there was a girl. A girl with long brown hair, a grey hoodie and wire-rimmed glasses. She looked harmless. She looked like the bookish type, like someone who could string a few words together. Edward made his way over to her.

She looked up when he sat next to her. He flashed her a grin and pulled his laptop out of his bag. She leaned over to him and whispered into his ear, "Welcome to Hogwarts."

Great, he thought to himself, I sat next to a nut job. He frowned at her. She just smirked at him and lifted her chin, indicating that he should look at the front of the class.

Standing in front of a large blackboard was woman who was wearing the oddest collection of clothes. Lace shawls and scarves were wound around her shoulders and hair. She was draped with multicoloured strings of beads of varying lengths. Her skirt, or it could have been a dress, was floor length and floral in a wild print. She wore black lace fingerless gloves.

Edward looked back at the girl who had her hand over her mouth trying to hold in the laughter. He could barely stop himself from laughing with her.

The teacher at the board finished whatever it was that she was writing and surveyed the class through bejewelled cat's eye glasses in a garish red colour. She grinned at the class.

"Good, now that we are all here, welcome to Introduction to Collaborative Song Writing. My name is Leah Clearwater. The person you are sitting next to is your new partner. Together you will learn to write lyrics to what will, hopefully, be next year's big hit. We will be using word prompts and associations to get the best from you. I strongly advise you to take the next class in this series, musical composition, to help you put sounds to your words. And remember, if any of you make it big, I want a credit in the liner notes." She winked at the class and started to take some supplies out of her bag.

"So, class, the first thing I want you to do is get to know your partner. You have thirty minutes to learn everything you can about the new most important person in your life. Go."

Edward groaned quietly to himself. He was not known for playing well with others. He preferred to work alone or with the members of his band. But, he would just have to suck it up; Jasper and Emmett were planting trees up north, Rosalie was of somewhere doing modelling gigs. Even Alice was away for the summer, working at some summer camp near Emmett and Jasper. Well, near Jasper, Alice always had to be near Jasper.

If the girl heard his groan, she didn't let on. She turned to him slightly and smiled. He noticed her teeth were quite crooked but very white. She had a nice smile if you could get over the imperfect teeth. She stuck out a hand and waited for him to shake it.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"Edward," he said while shaking hands.

"How about we play two truths and a lie, as a way to get to know one another?"

"I don't really know what that is, but sure, I guess." His stomach was starting to remind him that he had skipped breakfast to make it on time for this stupid class.

"Okay, I'll tell you three things, you have to guess which one is false. Got it? I wrote my first song when I was thirteen. I'm an international porn star. I don't drink coffee. Which one is a lie?"

"Well, as much as the idea of not drinking coffee terrifies me, I'm going to have to go with the porn star one. I would have recognized you and asked for your autograph."

Bella laughed at him. She laughed until a very unladylike snort escaped.

"Right, like anyone would want to see me having fake sex. No, I'm no porn star. My Step-dad got me hooked on tea over coffee, so I drink that instead. Did you know that pound for pound there is more caffeine in black tea than black coffee? Sorry, my mind is a wasteland of useless facts and I work in a tea shop so I could go on for days about it. I'll shut up now. Tell me yours?"

"Well, okay. I'm in a band. I'm really excited to be in this class. I'm just about to graduate."

"Gee, don't hurt yourself. All right, so, a band I can see that. You look like the band type. And, you look old enough to graduate, but I'm really bad at ages, so I would've thought you graduated a few years ago. Maybe it's a boy thing. But, how could you not be excited to be in this class? Collaborating with a total stranger while being taught be the last hippy on earth? What's not to be excited about?"

Edward just stared at her wondering if she was for real. She was odd, like really odd, but in an endearing way.

"I was chosen by my band to be the songwriter. I'm not sure I can do it though. I've never been one for creative writing or poetry. All that moon, spoon, June crap. I just want to play music but we need to stop playing covers if we want to make it in the music scene, you know?"

"Good news for you, partner, I'm great at the moon, spoon, June crap. I'll carry you through this class and at the end you'll have some songs to try out with your band, okay."

"Sure, I guess."

While Edward felt relieved that this girl was going to help him, he didn't really want to take advantage of her, no matter that she was offering. He had had a few girls in school follow him around and he wasn't looking for another stalker type.

"So, tell me about your band. What kind of music do you guys like to play? Where do you perform?"

Edward spent the remaining time they had talking non stop about himself and his band. The girl looked like she was mentally taking notes to be used later. Edward was shocked when the teacher stopped them and gave them their first assignment. He realized that now this girl knew almost everything about him and he knew next to nothing about her, just her name. She seemed like a nice, harmless little thing, that Becca.

"Alright, class. Now that you know your partner intimately, but not that kind of intimately, your first assignment is to write a song on the subject of my choosing. So, one of you come up here and I'll give you your topic." The teacher held up a box covered with pink birthday wrapping paper and waited for half of the class the come to her.

The girl jumped up and walked to the front of the class. Ms. Clearwater had her put her hand in the box and take out a slip of paper. The girl held it in her hand and brought it back to where Edward was waiting. She handed him the paper and waited for him to announce what they would have to create a song with using this prompt.

Out of Body Celestial Experience.

How in the hell were they supposed to write about that? Edward thought to himself. He glanced towards Becca with a puzzled look on his face.

She smiled at him.

"Not something you're familiar with, then?" She giggled.

"Shit, no." Edward's stomach gave a huge rumble. Becca laughed again as Edward realized just how hungry he was, having skipped breakfast to make to class on time.

Becca, still laughing bent over and started rummaging through her messenger bag. The waistbands of both her jeans and hoodie moved to show an expanse of creamy, lightly freckled skin. Edward was rather excited to notice that she wasn't apparently wear any panties, that he could see. She produced a bagged lunch and passed it to him while straightening up.

"Here, eat something before your stomach eats you."

"I can't take your lunch."

"I don't mind, I'm working at the tea shop later, I can sneak a few scones or something. Maybe be bold and steal a cucumber sandwich."

"I don't want you to have to steal just because you're hungry."

"I'm kidding, they feed us for free. I won't have to steal anything." She pushed the bag a little closer to him.

"Go on, it's just a sandwich and some fruit, no big deal."

"Thank you, Becca. That's very nice of you to feed me."

"It's self-preservation. If you don't eat that I'm afraid you'll eat me instead. And, by the way, it's Bella, not Becca."

Edward stopped as he reached into the bag. Shit, he had been calling her the wrong name in his head all this time. Nice way to pay her back for feeding him.

"Damn, I'm sorry, Bella."

"No big deal, happens all the time. You eat, I'll write."

She focused her attention on the paper notebook in front of her and started to jot down some ideas.

Edward dove into eating the sandwich. It was thin. Sandwiches he made for himself were overstuffed with meat and cheese, easy on the vegetables. This was delicate but packed with more flavour than any sandwich he had ever had before. He tried to examine it to see what the ingredients were, but gave up in favour of just eating it instead.

"That was a fucking awesome sandwich, Bella. Thank you."

Bella blushed at his compliment.

"Okay, this is want I'm thinking. Have you ever woken up really confused, like you have no idea where you are or even who you are?"

"Halfway in-between drunk and hung-over?"

"Sure, I guess. How about we write about that? Like part of your body, your soul or ghost, has left and is wandering around, and you have to find it?"

"Sounds okay, how do we start?"

"Silly Boy, we start at the beginning. 'I got out of bed today'.

 **AN: The song they write in class is Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep. Hop on over to you/tube for a listen. They're a local (for me) band.**

 **I am amazed at the response to this story, thank you so much, and I hope you'll stick around when it gets very bumpy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own the rights to the Twilight Universe. I do own a mass of collard and beet greens that need cleaning, so without further ado...**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, I thank you for all your hard work and help turning this mess into a story.**

 **Chapter 3**

In the present….

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- August

"Uncovered Hottie Marries Long-time Love"

Many hearts were broken this weekend as Jasper Whitlock of Uncovered married long-time girlfriend Alice Cullen. The pair first met in high school when Alice was the original drummer for the band. There was no animosity when Alice left the band to pursue her education, in fact the pair did not even become a couple until long after Rosalie Hale joined the group.

The wedding took place in the backyard of Dr. and Mrs. Cullen's estate. Brother of the bride, Edward Cullen stood with Jasper as best man while fellow band mate Rosalie Hale was maid of honour. The bride wore a stunning yet simple Vera Wang gown while the groom dressed in a dark green Armani suit.

With the first wedding for the band members finished, many are speculating who will be next. There are still three single members of the band. The devastatingly gorgeous Rosalie Hale. The serious and moody Emmett McCarty. And last but not least, the dark horse, the mysterious, the silent Edward Cullen.

Rumours have spread far and wide that Hale and McCarty are secretly together and that angers Cullen. He attends every event either alone or with his mother as his date. His name has been linked to every starlet and up-and-coming singer for the last few years, but no official announcement has been made. And the taciturn Cullen refrains from answering any and all questions regarding his love life. Although, his band mates insist, when asked, the he indeed prefers the company of women.

* * *

 _Beats Magazine_ \- November, By Caius Aronovitch

"Caius Crushes Cullen"

Christmas is a busy time for record labels, even with the advent of online music stores. Producers and bands alike rush to drop something for the season. If no new work is available there is always the stale standards of a greatest hits compilation or, my personal hell, a Christmas album. The year someone in the industry produces a greatest hit of Christmas covers is the day I move to a small walled city in Italy.

This year's crop of potential bestsellers are being printed, vetted and partied in preparation for release. One of the most anticipated and promoted albums is that of Uncovered. The four member band has hit all the milestones in the journey to stardom. Catchy, quirky first song to garner attention. Solid melodies, intelligently written lyrics, a bass line you can dance to. Eye candy, they have that in spades, three buff young men and a lone, stunning female, something for everyone's tastes. However, what I don't think they have that they desperately need is staying power. (Here my editor wishes to remind you that this is my sole opinion and not necessarily that of this magazine or parent company.)

My personal preferences aside, the end-of-year rush to drop can be exciting and everyone wants to get in on the action. There is plenty of money to be made and plenty of people who want it. However, that push can also sometimes lead to the recording executive's worst nightmare: artist burnout. I believe that this is what plagues Uncovered and specifically, the band's songwriter Edward Cullen. I think he's burnt out. While there may yet be a song or two left in him, he did not write any of them for this album.

The prose is trite, the lyrics weak and sloppy. The music is dragged down by the words of the songs themselves. They are one step away from a moon,spoon, June rhyming scheme.

It pains me, really, to know that such a promising band can fizzle out so early in their career. They were greatly lauded for a few years, everyone's darling new band. Their pictures were everywhere and their songs on repeat whereever you'd go. But the bloom is off the rose now, like so many before them and many yet to come. Perhaps it is an industry thing. To suck the life blood from new artists as quickly as possible before moving on to the next juicy specimen.

It is possible that I'm just a jaded old man. I have conversed with some of my younger colleagues who have a dissenting opinion, that there is hope for Uncovered and this latest album. Begrudgingly, and to a miniscule amount, I agree with part of what they say. Some of the songs a vaguely catchy and their lyrics not too horrendous. As well, and I might deny this in mixed company, there may have been a time or two I've been caught singing one or two of the new album's offerings while alone in the elevator. For me, there is something about this band and elevators; for examples, please see some of my previous articles.

So here is my prediction for the new, and as of the writing of this article, unnamed Uncovered third album. It will tank. It will start off strong as loyal and rabid fans will buy it but sales and interest will dwindle quickly.

It may do well enough with the teen crowd who will pay just to drool at the band and it may do well with their mothers for the same reason. However, those of us with heightened musical sensibilities will agree. This is the end of Uncovered unless they find a new lyricist.

But therein lies the problem; the headstrong stubbornness of Edward Cullen. Since the band's meteoric rise to fame, he has been the sole wordsmith and rumours are he will not allow anyone else a try. Song after song has been sent back to agents, I have heard from reputable sources. I've also heard tales of fits of anger from Cullen at the suggestion of any other writer, or even a ghost writer. He has yet to comment or respond to my inquiries. He is notoriously sullen and silent during interviews. He lets the rest of the band talk for him. He is intensely frustrating. I say let him go and find another writer.

That's my opinion.

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- February

The long-awaited third album for local darlings, Uncovered, has dropped. Big things are expected from both the band and the album, named Polar Swim. After some controversy and a scathing review from the always acidic Caius Aronovitch, the Christmas release was pushed back two months. However, fans of the band are out in droves purchasing said album, and several songs are on the airwaves for all to hear.

* * *

 _Fanbeat_ : "The Uncovered Edition" - March

If you read this blog often, you know that I've never been a big Uncovered fan. They're okay, catchy sometimes, and certainly popular but not my cup of tea. That's fine. I'll try not to let my indifference colour this post but there has been too much chatter to let this go.

Could this be the end of Uncovered?

Reports are coming in from many different sources that there is a serious problem within the band Uncovered. With dwindling sales of the much anticipated third album, and concert attendance on the decline, they have to be losing lots of cash and angering the label but the issue seems to be more than that. It is as if the band no longer likes each other or themselves. They seem dull and lifeless onstage. There's no more of the big smiles and joking around that they used to do. They're being photographed around town but not together as often as they used to be. You see Whitlock and McCarty going to clubs, sometimes with Hale, but never with Cullen. In fact, Hale was a no show at the last autograph session and fans reported that even Whitlock seem to just phone it in. We're used to Cullen being the only sullen one but lately the entire band seems out of sorts. No word yet on the fourth album or the next concert, although rumours are that a concert date is imminent.

Some reports say they are fighting each other and themselves. Shouting is often heard behind closed doors, by the type of people who listen at said doors inconspicuously. No one will say, on the record or for certain, just what issue is dividing the band. But, I don't think it is going to be very long before a break-up is confirmed from what I've heard.

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- April

"Sales of Polar Swim Leave Sony Execs Cold"

Rumours are that Sony is none too pleased with Uncovered and the sales of their third album. Further whisperings state that the band is locked in the recording studio trying to complete their fourth album before heading out on a tour scheduled for summer. Maybe the incentive of a tour will inspire the musical process and break their downward slump.

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- July

Sources say Uncovered's fourth album has stalled and the band is fighting. Other sources tell us that murmurings of break-ups and physical dust-ups are rampant. Hale, Whitlock and McCarty have been seen out and about together some times but there have been no sightings lately of Cullen. It is said he rarely leaves his house expect for rehearsals.

 **AN: Thank you for reading. I love your speculations and conjectures although I find it a little frightening how accurate some of you are. Like sweep for hidden cameras/spyware kind of frightened.**

 **By the way, I have the best ever beta and pre-reader. Just sayin'.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A disclaimer is rather unnecessary as everyone knows that I didn't create Twilight, but what the H-E-double hockey sticks, I do not own the rights to the Twilight universe.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc were invaluable in the creation of this chapter. Really, they are both just invaluable.**

Chapter 4

In the past…..

The second week of classes had them sitting through a lecture about tempo, metre, word pairings and clichés. Professor Clearwater abandoned the Trelawney outfit for tailored jeans and a nice blouse. She brought in guest speakers and generally bored the crap out of her class. Edward smiled at his partner but they didn't speak.

The third week of class started with Professor Clearwater in slick black jeans, black leather jacket, motorcycle boots and a very tight white tee shirt. She looked mad, bad and dangerous to know as she watched the class settle into their seats.

"This week we are going to kick some ass. Word association time again." She held out a red motorcycle helmet with a skull and crossbones on it. Edward shuddered as he reached his hand in, hoping to find pieces of paper and not tarantulas or something crawly or bitey.

"Now, when I got in this morning I was informed that school will be closed for the rest of this week and the next. I expect you to work with your partner outside of school as if you were here. And because it is two weeks I want two songs from you based on the theme on your paper. Read it, make plans and get out. I need the room free." Professor Clearwater stomped to the back of the room and began rifling through a cabinet.

Edward handed Bella the scrap of paper and grabbed his bag.

"Goodbye, breakup, good riddance, get out." Bella read aloud from the paper.

Bella gave Edward her phone number and they made plans to meet at a library the next day. After two days of library stale air they moved their meetings to a coffee shop. Once coffee became dull, Bella invited Edward to her place to work and maybe have some dinner.

Their first song was almost finished, it could be entirely finished if Bella would accept the repetition of the chorus over the writing of another stanza. Edward thought the song was fine just as it was. He envisioned a long instrumental bridge, perhaps even a string arrangement to flesh it out. His argument was that sometimes a shorter song has a bigger impact. Bella was sceptical but deferred to him.

Edward checked the address twice before walking into the dilapidated building Bella said she lived in. The neighbourhood wasn't the worst in town but very close to it. There was an peculiar acrid odour and plenty of graffiti, garbage and rough-looking people. The door to the building was propped open with the lock dangling by one corner. Bella lived on the third floor. Edward was dismayed there was no elevator; the stairs were empty and well lit, a fact that made him feel a bit safer.

Edward was pleased to notice that there were two deadbolts on Bella's door and that she checked before letting him in. Her apartment was small, tidy but a bit shabby. It was nothing like the sleek decorating his mother had raised him with, no matching pillows or coordinating rugs. A love-seat and two mismatched overstuffed chairs were grouped by a barred window. A cafe table sat just beyond the kitchen area. The other side of the room held a desk piled with papers and a computer. A massive bookcase took up the rest of the wall space. Three shelves were dedicated to CD's, four for books and the bottom for real vinyl LP's. The room was broken by a small hallway that, presumably led to a bathroom and bedroom.

There was none of the odd smell from outside but there was a tantalising scent of something that made his stomach take notice and his mouth water.

They worked for a hour or so until the smells from the kitchen became too much to bear. Bella brought out heaping bowls of chili, a basket of cornmeal muffins and a huge platter of accoutrements for the meal. She explained that chili was one of her go-to meals due to her strict budget. Beans were inexpensive, especially when bought in bulk, as were tinned tomatoes and spices. As well, she had many tricks to dress it up and change it if the meal became too repetitive or dull. She had shredded cheddar cheese, sour cream, quartered limes, grated chocolate and several different hot sauces all for Edward to try. He watched as she added the chocolate to hers with a liberal splash of a Scotch bonnet sauce called Hellfire. Edward settled for the cheese but was brave enough to try a mouthful of hers. Although he liked it, it was too spicy for him.

After dinner they lounged on the love-seat for a while. The conversation jumped from topic to topic until Edward remembered something Bella had said during their first class together.

"So, tell me about this song you wrote when you were thirteen?"

"Look at you, remembering stuff and all. I'm so proud."

Edward gave her a gentle, playful nudge to the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, can it, Bertie."

"Okay, long story though." She said as she made herself upright again.

"I don't have anywhere better to be. Is there any more of that cake?"

Bella laughed and reached over the counter to grab the rest of the dessert. She put the dish on the table near him. As he helped himself to more, she rooted through her small movie collection and grabbed an older looking VHS tape. She held it for a moment before putting it in an ancient VCR under her tiny TV. When she sat down she started her story.

"I never knew my dad. He took off as soon as the pee was dry on the stick, my mum always said. But we didn't need him. Renée was all I needed. We moved around a lot but there was always food, clean clothes, a warm place to sleep and affection. She was my best friend. When I was 10, almost 11, we were living in Florida; some tiny town, I don't remember the name. She blew through a stop sign and got pulled over. Charlie was the cop who stopped her and it was love at first sight. For both of them. It was fun to watch. He treated her like a queen and he could do no wrong in her eyes. They dated for a while and then he moved in with us. God, he was great with me. He never talked down to me and he listened, I mean really listened. He taught me to play guitar. He gave me a job so I could earn money for my own guitar. That was really important to me, to earn my own money. That was the thing, he really seemed to understand me and Renée too.

"Anyway, Labor Day of the year I turned thirteen he took me down to Miami for the long weekend. Renée remained at home by herself. We stayed with some friends of his in Little Havana and he showed me around the city. He asked me for permission to marry my mother. He was so nervous, it was funny, this tough cop afraid of a little 13-year-old girl. Of course I said yes. We picked out a ring and came up with a way to pop the question. We wrote a song together that proclaimed his love for Renée. We got all his friends involved, too. We filmed the proposal, like a video, you know. It's on that tape if you'd like to see it. We played it at the wedding, too. They got married that Hallowe'en." She sighed, while it was emotionally difficult to talk about the happy times she wanted to share them with him. He was the first person, the first friend she had made who had no ties to them. He would only know them as she allowed him to.

"Sure." He was intrigued by the idea of a younger Bella performing and kind of really wanted to hear the song.

She smiled at him and pressed play on the tape.

A tall man with dark hair and dark, twinkling eyes stood in the middle of a busy residential street. He was wearing jeans but he was barefoot. He was holding a guitar in front of him, sunglasses dangling from the neckline of his black tee-shirt. He also had a neatly trimmed but full mustache.

A rhythm started with clapping, shakers, tambourines, horns and other instruments with a Caribbean flair. Not quite latin, not quite reggae but a combination of a few different musical styles. It was a very catchy song that made one want to move.

Edward could see a little teenaged Bella dancing and singing in the background. It was a very heartfelt production.

Bella was very quick to turn it off as soon as the music stopped. Edward pretended not to see her wipe away a tear when the song ended. She gave him a sad smile and put the tape back where it belonged.

"Thanks for showing me that. It was really good, Bella."

Bella laughed, all traces of sadness gone. Until Edward's next question.

"So what are they doing now that you're at school?"

"They, um... they died when I was fifteen."

"Shit Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know." Edward felt like crap for bringing it all back to her.

"It's okay. After they got married, Charlie got a job in Washington as a small town police chief. Renee was getting tired of Florida anyway, and we moved just after Christmas. It was kind of fun. But one night, a timber truck lost control on a tight turn with a blind curve and rain slick pavement, they were killed instantly. The truck toppled and lost it's load. They didn't even see it coming."

"Damn, that's rough for a fifteen-year-old. What did you do?"

"I have no living family and a local judge helped me become emancipated. I felt I was too old to go into foster care and I had the backing of the town and it's police force. It made sense for me. So I stayed with family friends, Charlie's deputy Billy and his family, until I finished high school, that is. Then I got a place by myself in town for a while, to prove to them I could live on my own just fine. I took online courses and then moved here, got a job and met you. That's it for now."

The conversation petered out after that. Edward had no idea what else to say to the girl. He wasn't very comfortable with overt displays of emotion and there was something about her story that was too real for him to deal with. As much as he sometimes felt they annoyed him, he couldn't imagine life without his parents. His mother's sometimes smothering presence and his father's constant disappointment grated at his nerves. But they were still alive and healthy and Edward thought he should at least be thankful for that.

They worked for a little while longer on the homework assignment. Bella broke out her guitar to prove her point and within the hour, the first song was finished. It was too late at night to start the second song, so Edward gathered his things and Bella walked him to the door. He couldn't help but look at her in a new light. She was so nice, he really couldn't come up with another word than nice, to have survived such a hard time. He didn't know why, but he was compelled to give her a kiss on the cheek instead of their usual wave of goodbye. He thought about it all the way down the stairs. He hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way. She wasn't his type, and he didn't want her to think he was interested in anything other that a working relationship.

Bella stood with her back pressed against her apartment door, her hand firmly covering the place where his lips had touched her skin.

 **AN: Website glitches and time constraints have conspired to prevent me from answering reviews. I'm sorry. Even if I don't answer you I still appreciate the fact that you took time to give me feedback. I love every review and I'm so happy to receive them. You make me laugh and smile with your reviews. I thank you, from the bottom of my ... heart.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: naughty bad language in this chapter, but not the fun naughty bad, you know, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, the other kind of naughty bad. Like s** **weary bad language. Not Twilight kind of language. Then again, I didn't write Twilight.**

 **Greetings from Niagara Falls, Ontario.**

 **I completely forgot last week to mention the song Bella wrote with Charlie was Say Hey (I love You) by Michael Franti. Also, the song Edward and Bella wrote was Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day.**

 **I will never forget how much I owe JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, for editorial help along with mental help.**

Chapter 5

In the present…..

"What the fuck, Cullen? Just how far are you going to take this moody, broody bullshit? Not once, you get me, not once did you smile during that whole autograph signing. You couldn't even break persona to smile at the kids. Little fucking kids and you couldn't even smile for them. You could've made their day, shit, made their year with just a little smile. But no, you're too involved in being the grumpy rock star that you couldn't take one fucking minute for your fans. This shit used to be great, but now it just sucks ass, Cullen. You're an ass."

After witnessing Edward's usual behaviour at yet another meet and greet, Emmett could no longer take it. He had put up with Edward's melancholy for far too long. Nothing and no one ever made Edward happy, not the band's success, not his family's happiness, and not millions of screaming fans. When the band first started to become successful, Emmett thought Edward would be satisfied all the hard work had paid off. Emmett's degree in psychology and years of personal experience told him that Edward was not clinically depressed. From his own father, he learned the signs of depression. What Edward had was different. This was more an ennui, an air of privilege and expectation, almost wondering why the silver spoon he was born with was not gold or platinum.

The culmination of his anger and resentment towards Edward was compounded by a nine-year-old girl. She had stood patiently waiting for her turn to get an autograph from the band. She was wearing a homemade Uncovered t-shirt. She was gorgeous, and cute, and the epitome of their band's youngest fans. Emmett and Jasper both gave her a kiss on the cheek and Rose gave her a pair of her own drumsticks. This was the kind of validation they had always dreamed of, not just the sold-out stadiums and chart-topping record sales but people, real people wanting to hear more of the music they made. Everyone else in the band fell in love with this girl. Except Edward. He could barely spare a glance for the girl. He scrawled his name on whatever it was that she wanted signed and slid it back to her. Her smile faded but she still looked at his autograph as if it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Just leave me alone, Emmett. I give the crowd what they want." Edward pushed his way into the group's green room. This wasn't the first fight they'd had on this tour. The multitude and magnitude of these fights was getting more intense every day. Everyone got on Edward's case for one reason or another. Edward was fucking tired of it.

"Fuck you. You gave the crowd what they wanted years ago. It's getting stale and stupid. You're a one-trick fucking pony. What the fuck happened to you? Where'd you go?" Emmett flung himself onto one of the couches in frustration.

"What the hell does that mean? I'm here, performing, playing like always." Edward stood facing him, one hand clenched in a fist at his side, the other stuffed into his jeans pocket.

"No man, you haven't been here for a long time." Jasper sidled into the room with Rose in tow.

"Fuck, not you too, Jasper. What is this, gang up on your friend day?"

A snort of derision came from the perfectly straight nose of Rosalie Hale.

"Friends? You're not a friend to anyone, Edward, not any longer. We're work acquaintances, colleagues at best. You haven't been a friend to me for years. I'm not sure we were ever friends, really."

"What the fuck does that mean, Rose?"

"What part didn't you get?" She tapped her foot and waited. Edward gave nothing but silence. She continued, "When was the last time you called me, or Emmett, or Alice and Jasper? When was the last time you listened to what was going on in our lives? When was the last time you noticed anything new or different with us? The last dinner or night out together? When was the last time you gave a crap for anybody but yourself?"

"Well….I've been….."

"All you care about is you, Edward. You've been that way since high school; most people are like that in high school, and we've all grown out of it. But not you. You're the same angst-ridden teen you've always been and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you." Rosalie turned her back to him.

"Come on now, Rose. You're being a little harsh." Jasper tried to intervene. Edward was his family, by marriage, but family nonetheless. Someone had to defend him.

"Harsh?," She whipped around to glare at Jasper, "I'm just saying what everyone's been thinking."

She sat down on the coffee table in front of Edward who was sprawled out on the other couch. "You need to get off your high horse, Edward. If you can't write, if the words aren't coming, then allow us to get another writer. It's still the same band even if you aren't the sole songwriter. Stop taking it out on us and our fans."

Jasper and Emmett held their breath. Edward usually exploded at the mere suggestion of another writer. It was one of his more strange habits. He was immovable in this regard, and it was affecting everyone. The label execs were breathing down their necks to produce the next great hit.. Chatter on the internet was that they were done. They were this close to being washed up and it was all his fault, according to sources.

"So, instead of being friends, we come to the studio or the concert venue, put in our hours of work and go our separate ways. That's fine. I don't need you. I work with two other guys who do give a shit about me, about my life and how I feel. And I'd like to think I give that back to them. So, no, we're not friends, Edward. Just co-workers. But I'd be your friend if you just gave a little, acted like a human once in awhile. You've always been self-centered, Edward, ever since I've known you, but you've been getting worse lately. It's almost unbearable."

The argument that started loud and fierce quieted until Rose was almost whispering and tears came to her eyes.

Edward looked at the three people in the room. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't put words to it.

So, he left.

He returned in time for sound-check and stayed on his own until it was time to take the stage. He didn't say one word to any of them unless it was directly involved with the concert they were performing. When the encore was finished, he didn't hang around but went back to the hotel room alone, to think. From his suitcase, he took the plain black bound notebook that he carried with him everywhere he travelled and set it on the table in front of him. There was no need to open it for he knew the contents by heart, every line and every word. He had even counted the blank pages at the end. They taunted him.

In the beginning, there had seemed to be so many it had been difficult to select which one to use. Now he only had one left. The last one she left him. He had used them all and, like he did her, used them well. The last was a reminder of that night and his deplorable actions. A reminder of her he kept even from himself.

He was hesitant to use it because he thought it was the best of the lot. But then they'd all be gone. Then she'd be well and truly gone from his life. He would have to face up to what he had done to her. What he continued to do to her. Day after day and year after year. A special slow torture he had devised, with her in his mind. Only, the torturer became the tortured as his pain increased day by day.

No one else knew. It was just one of his dirty little secrets. It was only fitting, she had been his dirty little secret too. No, not little, she was the biggest, deepest, dirtiest secret he had. He kept her away from everyone who was important to him. Held her at arm's length. Treated her like crap. When he had gotten what he's wanted from her, he tossed her out. Made her leave unwanted and quickly forgotten until time ran out for him.

Well, not quite forgotten.

In moments of regret and reflection late at night, her memory haunted him. Those moments seemed to happen more and more these days. He heard her laugh in crowded rooms and saw her face behind closed eyes. If he used it, his memory of her would be out there for everyone and it would haunt him even further.

He had almost everything he had ever wanted. More than most men ever dreamed of having. He had what he had aimed and worked years for. But it wasn't enough. The money, the accolades, the respect and the fame. At first, he loved it. How could he not? But each time, it tore a small bit from him, it picked away at his very core.

He would have to come clean; he knew he should come clean and tell everyone what he had done. They had all believed the lie for so long, what would they think of him now? What would they think when they found out that the words they thought were his were not his own. What would happen when they found out just who he had stolen them from? They were her words, he had stolen them and so much more from her. Like a parasite he had fed from her dying flesh and he not only survived, but thrived. What would be left of her?

Maybe if he found her first, apologized and begged for forgiveness. Maybe if she absolved him of his sins. Maybe if she let him grovel at her feet, the demons that plagued him would stop knocking around his head. But how do you track a ghost from your past? And where do you even start?

 **AN: Thank you for reading. I have also neglected thanking tarbecca for adding Uncredited to her fic dive post on A Different Forest.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I wish I owned Twilight. I wish I owned a new kitchen too.**

 **Many, many, many thanks to JulieToo and Beachcomberlc for their help with this chapter and this whole story, really. If I owned Twilight I'd buy them new kitchens as well.**

Chapter 6

In the past…..

Although if asked, he would vehemently deny it, Edward enjoyed the blush and the dewy-eyed look Bonnie gave him each time he walked into class. She had left several messages on his phone over the past week, all but begging him to call her. It made him feel powerful to have yet another girl at his feet. Not that he ever did anything about it or to encourage it.

It started in eighth grade. The girls would giggle as he passed by them. They were always in groups. There were hang-up phone calls and twittery messages left for him. His name was graffitied on a couple of desks with hearts around it. It got worse the older he got. Teachers and other adults would let him get away with whatever he wanted. He was the king of his high school and that emulation continued on to college. The only non-family member who didn't treat him like he walked on water was Rosalie. Edward was a little put out about this at first, but soon grew to like the fact that she had no interest in him. It was a welcome relief.

He thought it his due to have the attention of every female in the room and he ignored them out of habit. He used his looks and charm when he needed to and always to his success. Whatever he wanted he got: sex, good grades, adoration or anything else.

Edward threw a smile at Bonnie and watched the blush grow. She was almost purple by the time he sat next to her. It felt odd to be back in the classroom after such a long break. The two weeks had seemed an eternity in summer weather. Edward was sick and tired of school. The guys were due back in three weeks and then the next semester of college started. In just a few months he would have his degree and then he could focus on the band and his music. This not-for-credit class had done little to help him learn how to write lyrics, Bonnie had done more than the teacher in that regard. He'd have to show the guys the stuff they had written this summer. Some of it might be good enough to record for their demo. It should be good enough because, in his opinion, he had worked hard on them this summer, with some of Bonnie's help.

Bonnie interrupted his train of thought.

"I tried to call you. I have some news. I think I got the number wrong, though, 'cause you didn't call me back." She spoke all in one breath.

Edward smirked at her. She was kind of cute in a nerdy girl way.

"Yeah, I got your messages, I just didn't have time to call back."

The dewy-eyed look faltered on her face for a second.

"I finished the second song we were supposed to do for this class. I put your name on it too, I hope you don't mind. I had a real brainstorm after you left the other night." She was looking at him so hopefully, almost begging for his acceptance.

"Well," he let the word dangle, stretching out her discomfort. It was like she expected him to be angry and yell at her for doing all the work. "It is any good? I don't want my name attached to some bubblegum, girly-type song."

"No, no, it's good. I wouldn't do that to you, Edward, you know that." She stuttered.

"Relax, Bonnie, I was just teasing."

"Uhm, it's Bella." This time she looked down so that he couldn't see the hurt in her eyes.

"Right, Bella."

Bella pulled the finished lyric sheet from her bag and handed it to him to read.

He liked it, it was a miscommunication type, he said/she said, almost break-up kind of song.

"Not bad," was the only feedback he had time to give as the teacher started the class. He felt no need to mention anything else regarding the song. He accepted praise from Professor Clearwater as his due without any thought to his partner.

Edward continued to accept Bella's work as his own over the next couple of classes. He always rewarded her with his best endearing naughty-boy smile. Bella seemed satisfied with that crumb of attention from him as she never complained and eventually stopped leaving messages on his phone. Although, she did seem to be cooling to him whenever they met in class. She wasn't as friendly or happy-go-lucky to see him. She smiled, but it wasn't the same smile.

Professor Clearwater's last assignment for them was to write, what was to them, a true love song. A song that captures the feelings of being in love.

Edward was at a complete loss. He'd never been in love. He had been in like once or twice and he'd been in lust a lot. He really liked being in lust. It was his favourite state of mind, when all you can think of is seduction, need and want.

He looked at his partner and noticed the spreading blush on her face. He hadn't really wanted to encourage the girl but he did like the results of her being in love with him. He decided that he would have to throw her a bone to get through this one last song and the end of the course. If he sweet talked her enough, maybe she'd give him everything they had worked on this summer and he would have a nice little catalogue to show the band when they got home next week. If she was really good, he'd let her come to a rehearsal or two before cutting her loose. And may, just maybe, if he was really good he'd get a little something, something out of it himself. It'd been a while and he was getting tired of his own hand.

"Hey Betty?" He interrupted her as she was packing her things to leave.

She sighed a great gushing breath in an attempt to cleanse her anger.

"It's Bella, Edward."

"Right, I knew that. So, anyway, I know I've been a bit absent lately and you've taken up most of the work. I was wondering if you wanted to get together like we used to and I'd really help out with this one? What do you think?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Great. I'll meet you at your place tonight? Say seven-ish. You'll cook?"

"Sure…." Bella was in between pay-cheques and didn't have much money to spend on extra food this week.

"You're a doll, babe. See ya." Edward grabbed his stuff and tore out of the classroom.

By eight-thirty the dinner Bella had made was a dried out mess. She had just decided to toss the lot when he knocked on her door. When she opened it he was standing there, hair damp and messy on his head and a sheepish look on his face. He looked deliciously rumpled and she was struck by just how handsome he was.

"I'm so sorry. I feel asleep." He pushed past her, giving her cheek as kiss as he walked into her apartment. He thrust a six-pack into her arms and walked over to the table.

"Uhmm….thanks." She put the beer in the fridge.

"Smells great, Belle. Even tastes good cold. I can imagine how good it would have been if I'd been on time," he dove right into eating the food she had prepared. She offered to heat it up for him but he declined.

She listened to him as he told her story after story about his life, his hopes, dreams, and desires in an effort to make her forget his bad behaviour and charm her. He knew he could be quite charming when he tried. His efforts didn't work but she did forgive him. She found it hard to be angry with him for a long time. There was something about him and she hated it, she absolutely hated the way he worked his way into her mind. She knew that he would gut her one day but she couldn't stop herself. She just kept coming back to him time and again, waiting for the final blow.

He finished his dinner quickly, as well as the part of hers she couldn't stomach finishing, and drank all but two of the beers he brought. He was chatty, happy and feeling no pain. He began to tell her all about his band and his friends. He told her stories of performing with his little sister before they got their drummer. He told tales of his conquests, not that there had been many because his main focus was on the music, not the girls. He talked himself sleepy and Bella found herself tucked into his side on the couch. She felt secure in his hold, warm and happy. Perhaps this was a turning point. Perhaps he was starting to feel what she was feeling. Perhaps he liked her, too. This thinking led to her kissing the edge of his jaw and nuzzling into his neck.

That led to him turning to her and giving her a soft kiss. One soft kiss led to another. Then there was little softness and a whole lot of deep, slow, and hard kisses. Bella soon found herself flat on her back with Edward looming over her. Her shirt was stretched out to accommodate his hand as he groped and squeezed her breast. At the same time he was grinding his aching hard-on against her hip. He slid his hand from her top and inched it down her body. She thought he was going to reach into her pants but he reached into his own instead and pulled down the zipper. He, then grabbed her hand and placed it when he needed it the most.

"Please, babe? I need you to touch me." He whispered in her ear while doing delicious things to her neck that sent shivers down her spine.

She did what he asked. She first cupped his erection then began to stroke him. He moved his hips in the same rhythm. Bella was starting to feel a sense of power. She liked that she made him excited and she was thrilled that he was responding to her in that way. She reached her hand into his underwear and freed his hard-on. Edward groaned with anticipation. He really hoped that she would suck him off but he would settle for a good old-fashioned hand job.

Bella scootched down a little to allow for better access. She had one hand on the back of his neck with her fingers playing with his hair. The other had a firm grip on him, working him up and down as he rode her hand. She played with the tension, gripping him firmly at the base and then an almost feather-soft touch at the tip. Edward moaned loudly in her ear and started swearing. He dropped his head down and Bella was able to place kisses on his neck and ear, further exciting him.

It didn't take very long before he came in her hand and all over her shirt. It was more a testament to how long he had gone without, rather than a show of her hand skills but both were satisfied.

Edward collapsed half on Bella and half to the side, pushing her to the edge of the couch.

"God, that was great. Thanks, babe," he whispered sleepily in her ear while kissing her cheek. He had one arm across her chest and one leg between hers. They lay there for a while, warm, comfortable and content when Bella realized that Edward had fallen asleep.

Carefully, she wriggled out from his grasp and landed quietly on the floor. Edward rolled over but did not wake up; he just lay there on his back with his dick hanging out of his open pants. Bella fought laughter at the sight of his flaccid penis dangling to the side. She gently tucked him back into his boxers and walked to the bathroom to clean herself up. When she was done, she grabbed a blanket and covered Edward. She turned off the lights and checked to make sure the door was locked.

Bella lay in bed awake for a long time. She replayed the look on his face as she jerked him off, the way it felt as he moved over her and the kisses he gave her. She was certain that he would remember her name now. And maybe, just maybe, he'd fall for her now. 'Cause she, despite all her intelligence and her already battered heart, was falling for him.

 **AN: I've been out of town and without internet access for a while so I was unable to respond to all your lovely reviews and comments. Thank you for brightening my day. I wish I could convey just how much your response means to me. I wish I had marshmallows enough to toast as you roast Edward over an open flame.**

 **The song for this chapter is _Just Give Me a Reason_ by Pink.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Twilight - not mine. Dust bunnies - mine, all mine.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc are the best. That's all.**

Chapter 7

In the present…

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- November

Upcoming concert dates have been announced for Uncovered. The thirty city North American tour will kick off New Year's Eve in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The tour will travel down the eastern seaboard, across the south and up the west coast, culminating in several shows in Seattle, Washington, USA. The band's fourth album has been put on hiatus, hopefully until after the concert tour is concluded.

* * *

Join us for The Red and White Ball, a lavish formal affair hosted by Jasper Whitlock of Uncovered, his wife Alice Cullen, and band mates Rosalie Hale and Emmett McCarty, to be held in Seattle's Skycity restaurant atop the Space Needle. Music, entertainment and sumptuous meal will make this event an evening to remember. This first annual charity event with all proceeds going to the national Domestic Violence Hotline will be December 10.

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat_ \- January

The Uncovered tour has been cut short due to lack of sales. What was once a thirty city tour has been cut down to eighteen stops in Canada and the US. In addition, troubles within the band seem to grow as a fight broke out onstage between Cullen and the other band members last night in New Orleans. Cullen stormed off the stage and was replaced at the keyboards by a member of the opening band, Luscious. Publicists for the band's label issued an apology to fans but nothing has been heard from the band directly. There's no telling what is in store for the band no or what ramifications there will be for Cullen's antics.

* * *

Edward Cullen threw his phone against the nearest wall not caring if it ever worked again. He was so tired of this shit. The guys were riding him about his attitude, the music, the album, the concert and everything else they could think of. The press hounded him. The label asked for more and more, wanting to suck him dry like vampires. He just wanted to crawl into a bottle and stay there forever. But he remembered the last time he did that and the consequences.

He walked over to where his laptop lay closed on the table, sat down heavily and waited for the slow hotel internet connection to work. He did this every night in different hotel rooms around the country for the last couple of years. First he checked Google, and then the local paper, university listings, local phone book and any other source he could think of before he continued his quest. She had to be out there somewhere. He even checked the obituaries of many major papers.

The first time he googled her name it came up with four hundred thousand hits. That set him off on a further search. He tried dating sites, networking sites, and as many groups as he could. By the time he got frustrated with those, he moved on to social media. Instagram had nothing that he could find and there were thousands of Bella Swans on Facebook. There were also Isabella Swans, Anabella Swans, Arabella Swans, Clarabella Swans, and so on and so on. There were also all the same names but with two N's in Swan. It was maddening.

He was reduced to setting up a Facebook page of his own. He named it Searching for Bella Swan. He probably could have come up with something more clever or attention grabbing but he wanted to preserve his anonymity at the same time. Through this page he sent a request to every Bella Facebook listed.

He promised himself that he would give Facebook a try for awhile before tackling Twitter. If there were still no results then he would consider a private detective. Or, and he hated this idea, going public and using the press to find her.

He only really knew that he had to find her; it had become a compulsion or almost like a quest for a fucking grail. He didn't want to involve anyone else, just yet. It was his mission, self imposed, and he would see it through to the end.

Like many nights in the past months, he fell asleep at the desk where he was working. Also like many nights in the past months, he dreamed of her. In his dreams she always looked so young and little. Like a tiny slip of a girl, a waif. She always had her arms crossed protectively across her chest and she was always crying in these dreams. He would talk and talk, apologize profusely but she never responded. He, most of the time, woke up angry. Angry at himself and at her. Why wouldn't she just listen and let him go? Then, in a vicious circle, he would start to feel guilty and that would lead to another night of searching.

The band was barely talking to him and he was barely talking to anyone. Now that his phone was in crunchy pieces on the floor, his parents would stop annoying him with their calls.

The weight of it was becoming more and more unbearable. Something had to give. She had to be somewhere out there. Maybe he'd find her in the next city, the next stop or the next page. He just had to keep searching.

A few weeks later, the efforts of his searching came to a head. Some tabloid paparazzi took a sneaky picture of him at a local cafe. He was having lunch alone and checking his Facebook for any leads. The photographer managed to capture him in profile trying to get a sesame seed out of his teeth. It made for a really nasty, ugly picture. In the background the name of the Facebook page could just be made out although it was a bit blurry. It caught the attention of the last person Edward expected.

Three hours before sound check and one hour before Edward's alarm was to go off, he was woken up by Rosalie pounding on his door. When he stumbled to the door, opening it, she stormed in.

"Have you seen this? What the fuck is this Edward?" She tossed her phone with the picture on it at him.

"What? "So, they caught me picking my teeth. That's not a crime." He blinked at the shot on the screen. He couldn't see anything wrong. He had no idea why she was in such a lather.

"Not that, you asshole. Why are you looking for Bella or at a page looking for Bella? You hated her when Alice introduced her to us years ago, everyone saw that. So, what do you want with her now? You want to yell at her some more? Perhaps belittle her again for old times' sake?" Rosalie stood in the middle of the nondescript hotel room and glared heatedly at him as if she'd enjoy him roasting over an open fire.

"What's it to you, Rose?"

"To me? She's my friend, Edward. We've been friends for years. And I'll be damned if I let you near her."

Edward rushed over to Rose and grabbed her by the arms, shaking her. At the same time, Emmett came through the adjoining room door.

"Do you know where she is? Where is she? Fuck Rose, tell me where she is" Edward was frantic.

"Edward, let her go, man. You're going to hurt her." Emmett shouted as he knocked Edward away from Rosalie.

Edward stumbled back and fell on his ass on the floor.

"You okay, Rose? He hurt you?" Emmett ran his hands over Rose's arms checking for injuries.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward? Now you're attacking Rose?" Emmett moved to stand over Edward.

"Emmett, I'm fine. He didn't do anything. Relax." Rose cajoled Emmett and calmed him down.

"What the hell is going on then?" Emmett looked back and forth between the two.

"Edward's been searching for Bella. I was just trying to find out why." Rose sat at the table in front of Edward's computer and glared at him.

"Why are you looking for Bells? You barely knew her and what you did know, you hated. You treated her like she was a gnat, Edward. Worse sometimes." Emmett asked.

"You both know her? You know where she is?" Edward asked as if in a daze, still sprawled on the floor.

"Sure, been friends with Bells for years." Emmett noted.

"You never pay attention, do you? Where do you think I spend holidays, Edward? How often do I talk about travelling with my best friend, about going to see her? Have you ever heard a word I've said outside of the band, Edward? Bella is my best friend. I go to see her whenever we're off work. Emmett joins sometimes too, we make a group of it. Hell, even Jasper and your own sister get together with her once in awhile. Are you really that far up your own ass, Edward?" Rosalie was so angry tears leaked from her eyes as she yelled at him. He could only stare at her blankly.

"She never comes to see us, we go to her. Why? Because of you, asshole. She knows you don't like her, so she stays away from you. She doesn't want to anger you or piss you off, so she stays out of it. She won't get into it, she won't tell us why but we all remember how you reacted whenever she was around. She won't engage any of us in conversation about you. She always changes the topic. Good or bad, she doesn't want to hear it."

Emmett sat on the unused bed and waited for Edward to say something, anything. Edward just sat there. All that time he wasted searching and she was right under his nose the whole time. He only had to ask the right people and he would have found her weeks ago, years ago even.

Finally, Edward stood up. He slowly approached Rosalie.

"Please, please Rose, tell me where she is. I just want to talk to her, I swear." He pleaded using every bit of charm he possessed.

"Yeah, no."

"Please?" It hurt his pride to beg but pride be damned, he'd beg if he had to.

"Why?"

"I have some things to say to her, only to her."

"Not fucking likely, brother. If you want to talk to her, you're going to have to go through me first. You made her feel like shit for too long. You tell me everything and if, and that is a big if, I approve, I'll ask her if she wants anything to do with you." Rose was in no way going to unleash Edward on Bella without all the facts first. Bella was happy and Rose wanted her to stay that way.

"Damn it Rose, just tell me how to get in touch with her."

"No, we do this my way. You can explain to everyone one. Next week we have a break, we'll fly Alice in and you can tell us then."

"Fine." Edward stalked off and slammed the bathroom door.

 **AN: Thank you to MariahijilE and tehlemonadestand for the recommendation. Welcome all new readers and thank you for giving me a try.**

 **Redviolet nicknamed this Edward Scumward. And I love it, a lot, but it may be premature. He may well end up Entitledward as SunflowerFran suggests or something else entirely. I think Wardyourmammawarnedyouabout is too long.**

 **Rebadams7, you blew my mind and I give you special thanks.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer created these characters and wrote her story. I'm using her characters to write my story, my way.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc are wonderful, smart, strong women who deserve, not only my thanks, but my highest praise as well.**

Chapter 8

In the past…

The second to last week of classes, Edward failed to show up. He didn't call, he didn't email, in fact he gave no notice at all. A last minute call from an old friend found him driving out of town to spend a week relaxing by a sun-drenched lake and drinking. The weekend brought more people from the city and Edward was the star attraction with his looks and his guitar. He tried really hard to loosen the morals of a fucking gorgeous blonde whose boyfriend was out of town. She didn't fold, but Edward had a great time trying.

The last bonfire, the last sing-along brought Betsy to Edward's mind for the first time since he'd woken up on her couch. He was making one final, half-hearted effort to win over the blonde by playing some of the new songs he'd written. As he played, he watched the group; there was a brunette with glasses who kind of looked like Betsy if she were a few years older and had a killer set of double Ds. He felt a little twinge of guilt for not calling Betsy or letting her know that she would have to do that week's work on her own. Then he remember that he hadn't really put any effort into his part of their collaboration in a while. He'd been letting Betsy do the bulk of the work and just skating by.

He wasn't quite ready to admit to himself that she was far superior when it came to songwriting. The few songs they had written together were good; they needed work but they were good. He couldn't wait to show them off to the band and move toward putting out a demo and getting signed.

But by now, Betsy had to be mad at him. Chicks, his mother and sister included, got mad at him often but he was usually able to charm his way out of trouble. It took him an hour to run through what he could remember about Betsy; her likes and dislikes. He decided to take her out for a fancy-ish dinner and work his magic on her at a nice restaurant. He'd heard of this really great funky place that served authentic Latin cuisine. She'd like that, and, bonus, it was out in the middle of nowhere just outside of town. No one he knew would catch them there. Not that he didn't want to be seen with her, she wasn't all that bad, just not quite up to his usual standards when it came to a date. She was a nice girl but not his kind of girl. That didn't mean that he didn't hope that, by taking her out for a nice dinner and half-assed apology, she'd maybe jerk him off again. He knew enough about her, and himself, to know there was no way he get full sex out of this date; that would be asking for the stars.

Edward walked into the last week of classes as if he hadn't skipped the week before. He walked in like he owned the world. He was confident, relaxed, and certain that everything would go his way. Professor What's-her-face was in her chair with her feet on her desk. She was dressed in ripped jeans, an oversized flannel shirt and heavy boots. Edward gave her a nod and a smile. She smirked back at him.

He shocked the hell out of Betsy when he sat down beside her. He could tell by the way she jumped and quietly swore. He handed her the large coffee he had bought as a conciliation. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a massive handful of sugar packets and creamers. He dumped them on her laptop.

"Hey Betsy. I couldn't remember how you took your coffee so I grabbed everything. How are you doing, babe?"

She just stared at him as if he were speaking a foreign language.

"You okay, babe?"

"I don't drink coffee." She push the cup over to him.

"Oh, all right." He doctored the beverage to his liking and took a big gulp.

"So...sorry about last week. I was out of town." He waited for her to show some interest. She didn't. Bella was too busy wiping spilled cream off her keyboard.

"What did we write? Can I see it?"

Betsy turned to speak to him but was interrupted by Professor Clearwater. The class was busy and Edward had no other chance to talk to Betsy. He was answering an email from Jasper when class dismissed and Betsy was able to slip away without him noticing. He caught a glimpse of her running across campus when he left the building.

Hours later he showed up at her place. He knocked on her door for three minutes before she answered.

"What?" She stood in the middle of the doorway leaving him no room to push in like he usually did.

"Are you mad at me?" He played innocent as well as Hendrix played guitar.

"What was your first clue, Edward?" Bella had reached the end and she was mad. Mad at herself for falling for another ass. It was her fault really; all the signs were there, she'd just failed to read them properly. She had hoped too much that he would be different.

Resigned, she left him in the doorway and walked over to the couch. After a moment he followed. It was time for his performance and he psyched himself up for it.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you that I was going away for the week but it was a last minute thing. And I should have worked harder on the songs that we did. They're good. I played some of them for the gang I was with and they loved them. The music will take a lot of work but I got some basic melodies down and I want to play them for the band. I really couldn't have done it without you. You're the best partner a guy could ask for, Betsy." Edward poured his heart into his speech. He gave her credit, compliments and best of all, his attention. Now he just had to take her out to dinner and he'd be set.

"Thank you for the apology. You can go now." Bella stood up and walked in to kitchen area to get away from him. She was done.

"Jeez, Betsy, what's your problem? I said I was sorry." He trailed after her. She was standing with her back to him, her hands on the counter and her chin on her chest.

"Do you use everyone or am I just special?" she asked, without turning to face him.

"What do you mean?"

"For five weeks, I've helped you write or even written songs in your name to help you get through this course. I've been stood up, swept aside and ignored. I've had you in my home, fed you when I can barely afford to feed myself, listened to your ramblings about how big your band is going to be with the songs I wrote for you. I gave you a fucking orgasm and you still don't remember my name. You treat me like I'm nothing and then wonder why I'm angry with you. God, you are such an asshole." She whipped around to face him.

For the first time in a long time, Edward actually looked at Bella. He was shocked. She was pretty. He never knew that she was pretty. Her hair had this reddish brown thing happening and it was long and wavy and kind of messy. Her eyes were a nice shade of brown with a bit of gold sparkle in them. Her wire-rimmed glasses were tortoiseshell and really made her eyes stand out. She had a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her lips were full and soft-looking, even when pulled down into a frown like the one she had right now. She was wearing a v-neck t-shirt that showed off some really nice-looking cleavage and a pair of rather juicy tits. She was skinny but not stick-figure skinny. She looked soft, warm and at the moment, even in her anger, pretty.

Screw pretty.

She looked hot.

However, Edward didn't know what to say. Girls seldom got that angry at him, save for his mother and sister. He wasn't used to being yelled at. It was strangely arousing. So Edward didn't really think through his next actions. He just went with his gut.

He grabbed her and pulled her flush to him. One hand at the back of her neck, the other on her spine as he kissed her, hard. He heard her hands slap the counter but she didn't hit him so he kept going. He kissed her over and over, working his mouth against hers, teasing her lips and stroking her tongue with his. He groaned, tasting her mouth. It was sweet, like apples and tea. He pressed his hips against her, grinding a little as his erection grew. He was thrilled when he felt one of her hands creep up his arm and press on his chest—until he realized that she was trying to get him to stop by pushing him away.

He broke the kiss but still held her close to him. He angled his head and placed small kisses along her cheek and neck. Then, when he got close enough, he whispered in her ear.

"I want you, oh god, can't you tell how much I want you? Babe?"

She pushed even harder on his chest and when he wouldn't back up, she pinched him, hard.

"You're so full of shit. Do you call all girls 'Babe'? Or am I special? Or is it 'Babe' when you want some?" Bella managed to escape his grasp and stormed out of the kitchen.

"Look, I'm sorry." He trailed after her again.

"Bella, my name is Bella B-E-L-L-A, Bella! Not Bonnie, Betty, Betsy or Babe, you asswipe."

"I'm sorry I'm being rude all the time, I didn't realize just how rude until you pointed it out. And then…well...you're kind of…really...hot when you're mad. I never realized how pretty you are until just now."

"So, what? I'm supposed to fall at your feet now that you've looked at me for the first time? You think you can kiss me into accepting your boorish behaviour?"

"Yeah, no. That was wrong. But I don't regret kissing you, Bella. You have to admit…that was a great kiss."

Bella did not want to admit anything to him. She didn't want to let him off the hook. But she was weak when it came to Edward. Like those stupid bugs who bash themselves on a light until they get hurt, she just kept coming back for more. And she hated herself for it. She knew that it wouldn't take much for her to forgive him.

"How about I take you out tomorrow? Just you and me for dinner somewhere nice. A real first date where I finally behave like a gentleman. What do you say, Bella?" He gave her his best charming look and pleading face. Lesser chicks had caved to that combination before.

It worked.

It worked because Bella's hormones took over her sensibilities.

It worked because he had much more confidence than she did.

It worked because she was afraid that he would leave and she might never have the opportunity again.

It worked because she believed that he was repentant and would now treat her better. Regardless of the reasons, it worked, and Bella agreed to a date.

 **AN: Hey There Delilah by The Plain White T's is the song that comes to mind for the beginning of this chapter.**

 **Redviolet has out done herself with the nickname Cadward. I think it is quite fitting. Rebadams7, no words. Thank you for the support and kindness, all of you.**

 **In case you haven't noticed, this story jumps from past to present. Not everything has been revealed or will be revealed in proper order. This Edward is a turd of the highest order and he will get worse before he gets better.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own Twilight. I own this well fertilized plot.**

 **I can't say enough nice things about JulieToo and Beachcomberlc. The fact that they will stick with me, warts and all, should be enough to start their bids for sainthood.**

Chapter 9

In the present...

The phone ringing on his bedside table woke Edward from a deep sleep. He struggled to remember where he was as he blindly searched for the annoying black rectangle that was jittering against the wood and making a hell of a noise.

"Yeah?" He grumbled.

"What have you done now? Drugs? Alcohol?" A sad voice he hadn't expected to hear woke him even further.

"Dad?"

"Your sister insisted we attend some sort of intervention for you and I want to know what you've been up to to warrant one." Edward could hear what he thought was disdain emanating from every syllable his father uttered. Dr. Cullen very rarely phoned his son. Edward phoned his father even less.

"You don't need to come, Dad. It's really not that big a deal. Alice and Rosalie are playing it up. And it's not an intervention." Edward lay back on his pillows and ran his hand over his face.

"How can they be playing it up if no knows what's going on with you, Edward? That much I do know. You never let anyone in. I want to know what I'm walking into so I can brace your mother."

"Brace her, what do you mean?" Edward was fully awake now and sitting up in bed.

"God forbid anyone say anything untoward about her darling boy. She'll have a conniption. She has blinders on when it comes to you, son."

"But you don't, do you, Dad? Nothing I've ever done has been good enough for you, has it? Maybe that's why Mom supports me so much? Because you don't."

"That's where you're wrong, Edward. I do support you. But I won't fawn all over you like your mother. You've never really had to work for anything in your life. Everything just gets handed to you and you have little regard for others. It breaks my heart that I helped to make you into what you are today. You come across as selfish, self-serving and completely self-absorbed."

Edward was stunned, his father'd never said anything like this to him before now. He didn't know what to say in reply. What his father was saying about him hurt, but he realized that there was some truth to it, as uncomfortable as it was to admit that. Dr. Cullen continued.

"Someone needed to take you off your pedestal and make you humble. That's all I've ever tried to do. What you see as disappointment is caution, Edward, I don't want to add to your ego. You don't appreciate what you have and who you have. It breaks my heart to see your mother reading over your clippings and hanging on every word that is written about you, knowing that one phone call to her would make her day, shit, it would make her year. But you never think to be the one to get in touch. You wait and let her come to you. You never ask how she is or what she is doing. Conversations are all about you, your band, your music, your life. Do you ever think about others? Does anyone ever register on your radar, Edward?"

Edward groaned quietly but didn't say anything in response.

"Perhaps it's our fault, we gave you everything, coddled you and helped you. And when your sister was hurt, we spent a lot of time with her and left you to your own devices for a long time.

But now you're almost thirty-years-old, Edward. You've never had a relationship. You're so closed off with everyone. Do you have any emotion in you at all, Son?" The question was asked quietly, almost in a whisper. There was a long pause before Edward broke.

"Oh, Dad, I did something terrible and I really hurt someone. It was a long time ago before we were famous. At first I did it out of anger, like I was punishing her, but then I got caught up in a lie and couldn't get out of it. Now I'm only really punishing myself. It's been five years of lies and guilt and paralysis. I can't enjoy the success I have because it's tainted by my own inability to own up."

There was a long silence and Edward was certain that his father had finally reached his limit.

"Dad? You still there?"

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'Drama Queen', Edward?"

"Is that your clinical diagnosis, Dr. Cullen?" Edward snorted a laugh. It wasn't funny.

"Just let me talk through this. You did something years ago that you feel badly for and rather than man-up and deal with it, you've isolated yourself, internalized your guilt, and held your family at arm's length, all the while pursuing a career that greatly pads your ego but perpetuates the lies that stunt your emotional well-being?"

"Ummmm, yes?"

"And rather than turn to your family for help you, what, drink? Do drugs? What is this intervention for?"

"I've been looking for the person I hurt. I wanted to atone for what I did to her and find her to apologise."

"That's all? No meth or heroin, just this…whatever this is?"

"Yes, but if it doesn't go well, she has the power to destroy everything the band had gained since we started. She could potentially ruin everything, or I guess, I could ruin everything. I have ruined everything."

"And you've let this hang over you for years without thinking about fixing it?"

"I'm trying to fix it now."

"All right. I'll see you there, I guess. And I'll caution your mother not to overreact."

"Thanks Dad. For what it's worth, I did hear what you said. I hadn't realized how detached I was. I'm sorry. I'll try to be better, to Mom and you."

Edward stared at his phone for a long time after he hung up with his father. He really hadn't known that he'd hurt his mother so deeply. It had never occurred to him that a simple thing like a phone call asking about her life would make her happy. She'd never said anything to him about it.

Slowly, as if they each weighed a thousand pounds, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He walked into the bathroom, and after relieving himself, stared at his own face in the mirror for a long time. The answers weren't there. There was just the same face he'd seen every day for as long as he could remember. He gave up looking and turned the shower on to heat up.

Little pieces of his conversation with his father ran through his mind as he washed. He never asked for all the things he'd been given but he never appreciated them either. Everything came easily to him, some determination or charm and whatever he was seeking fell into his lap. Bella was like that. She followed the crooking of his little finger. But there was something about her that made him finally feel guilty and remorseful. He wondered what it was about her that was different. There had been other women; girls, really. Bella was still a girl when he knew her. If he needed help with homework or a less than pleasant task performed, such as laundry, there was always a girl he could charm into helping.

But there was something about her that got under his skin. It wasn't just guilt, although he had plenty of that. And it wasn't pity, she was too strong to pity. Maybe it was pity for himself. Maybe it was knowing that she was much more successful at being an adult at seventeen than he was at twenty-seven. She was not only smarter than he was, she graduated high school at fifteen and he didn't until eighteen, she was better at being an adult and dealing with the pressures of life than he was. With everything life had thrown at her, she persevered, while he wallowed under much less pressure than she seemed to.

He thought that she would come to him when they started gaining press and getting air play with their songs. He thought that she would demand her credit when her words were used. He thought she'd do something. But she hadn't. She'd disappeared from his life and he was worried. For the longest time, after he started courting fame, he'd worried that something bad had happened to her. To worry over another person was a foreign concept for him and it was an uncomfortable feeling.

After he realised she was gone, without one word to him, he searched the papers for any type of lead or news of her. The only things he found were a short article about the accident that killed her parents and their obituaries. The only thing those articles proved was that she'd never lied to him. The last shred of doubt he had in her was obliterated with those postings. He'd already felt crappy for what he'd said about her the last time he saw her that New Year's Eve. He was fairly certain she'd overheard him talking shit about her. To be the cause of her dropping out of society, of her leaving school and never finishing her degree, of trampling her crush on him and her hopes and dreams made him feel like the worst person in the world. God, he was an asshole. He didn't know how to change it, though. He needed her to teach him how to be a better man. A better human, really. She could teach him how to interact with his family and the band. Only she could teach him how to deal with his fans and the public. She held all the answers.

If only Rosalie would let him fucking talk to her.

Bella was the water and Edward was screaming in the desert for her.

Chances were good that the guys would listen to his story. Chances were not so great that they'd forgive him. Chances were even worse than they'd let him talk to her. He needed a Plan B. He finished his shower and towelled off. He walked back into his suite and something on the desk caught his eye. He grabbed it and flopped onto the bed, tossing the towel aside. Picking up his new phone, he scrolled through his contacts until he found the number he wanted. After the phone rang for a long time a voicemail message came on.

"You have reached Victoria at Denali Public Relations. Please leave a message after the tone and either my assistant, Laurent, or myself will get back to you within twenty-four hours. If you're looking for press kits or to book an interview with Uncovered, please call the main Denali PR line. Thank you."

"Um...yeah...this is Edward Cullen. I think you're our publicist, if I'm not mistaken. Anyway, I'm looking for the contact information for the writer who did the Rolling Stone article on me awhile back. Um...Jane something...Marcus, Jane Marcus. Could you call me back at the hotel or have her give me a call? I want to give an interview."

 **AN: Thank you for reading. I haven't been the most diligent in responding to your reviews. I'll try to to better. I've been fighting off some doldrums and I fear they may be winning.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own the rights to Twilight.**

 **There is no way I could thank JulieToo and Beachcomberlc enough for all their help with this chapter and this story.**

Chapter 10

In the past...

Edward arrived on time the next night. Although when she opened the door, he almost called off dinner when he saw her in a dress for the first time. If she looked hot when she was mad, she looked sinful when ready for a date. Not that she was wearing anything slutty or revealing. She looked beautiful. Her dress was knee-length and shaped to her form. It was black crushed velvet, short-sleeved with a sweetheart neckline and bell skirt. Her hair was swept off her face and held back with a black band. There were simple black sandals on her feet and a rather beat-up-looking black purse hanging across her body. He didn't really want to share her with the outside world.

He walked down her building's stairs behind her with his eyes glued to her ass. Or the way her dress swayed as she walked down the stairs. It was hypnotizing.

Like a gentleman, he opened her car door and waited until she was situated before jogging over to the driver's side. As they started for the restaurant the ride was silent. There were so many things they could talk about, but he was at a loss for words and she was still angry.

"The other night…," Edward cleared his throat, but kept talking, "I...um...I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to, did I?"

Bella was quiet for far too long before she spoke.

"No."

"And it wasn't your first time doing that or anything else with a guy, was it?"

She turned her head to look at him. He saw the movement out of the corner of his eye but kept looking at the road.

"No."

"I'm sorry, I just…I'm trying to apologise for getting my rocks off and then leaving. It wasn't a very nice thing to do. And if it had been the first time, well…that would be even worse."

"Oh...well, thank you for trying. But believe it or not, you're not the first guy I've met. In fact, I went to a high school that was full of guys; girls too, for that matter. And I've been treated much worse by others before. So don't worry about it. Or do it again."

"I'll try not to. But ...you know… I am still me."

"I'm aware of who you are Edward."

There was a painful silence in the car for a few minutes before he attempted conversation again.

"So, tell me about your first boyfriend."

Bella tried, she tried so hard, but the way he phrased that sentence, the single word that grabbed her attention, ran the length of her spine from coccyx to skull and disconnected her prefrontal cortex.

"Mike was a year behind me in high school and I tutored him in a couple of subjects for a few semesters before he asked me out. We went on a few dates and when my parents died he was really nice, he said and did all the right things. But then, a few months later, after I graduated he began pressuring me for more, physically. I didn't really want to, but I did at the same time. It's hard to explain. I was curious and I wanted to feel close to another person. I wanted to be loved and I thought if I slept with him he'd love me and I'd have someone just for me again. It's easy to recognize now, how he used me, but at the time I didn't see it that way. He was nice and gentle. He held me all night but afterwards he stopped calling or talking to me. I found out that it was part of a bet he had with some of the guys in my class. Like a sexual treasure hunt; he had to bag a senior with bonus points for virginity. It was some sort of legacy club." Bella stared out the car window at the streetlights they were passing by.

Edward cleared his throat. He had spent some time that afternoon cursing his behaviour towards Bella. After she'd yelled at him, he began to worry. And his own selfish actions with her were his biggest worry. To hear that some other guy had treated her even worse was both encouraging and horrifying at the same time. He wanted to find this Mike and hit him. But he was also glad that what he did was not the worst thing someone had done to her. A close second, perhaps, but not the worst.

Bella continued.

"At that time I was living with friends of my parents and their son, Jacob, found out. He's much younger but he and a few of his friends had a 'talk' with Mike. The legacy club was disbanded and everyone involved was punished. That was one of the reasons I moved out on my own. I moved to a nearby town where I wasn't as well known. And that's why I took online classes at first 'cause some of the guys from my class were freshmen at the university and I didn't want to run into them. I was able to complete two years in one. Next month I start as a junior, so chances are I won't run into any of them."

Edward didn't really get the opportunity to respond as they pulled up to the restaurant. He surprised her by opening her door for her and offering her a hand. He held onto her hand as they walked to the restaurant door. It was a small place in a converted single family home. The restaurant took the main floor of the house and spilled out the side with a covered patio for additional tables. As the patio was full, they were seated inside in a secluded corner. Edward read over the menu as a way to avoid talking to Bella. He didn't know what to say. He was starting to feel a burning, achy pain in his chest that he could only identify as guilt. She had already been through so much before he came along to screw with her. Even though it was unintentional on his part, he still felt badly for his actions. He wished that he had known all of this long before he had asked her on this date. If he'd known, he might have been more careful with her or stayed away from her.

Bella, however, was reading over the menu thinking that perhaps, having heard more of her story, Edward's cavalier attitude towards her would change. She could imagine how their relationship might grow. How she would be able to change his behaviour and he would start to feel for her what she felt for him, as irrational as it was. She couldn't even explain it to herself what is was about him that compelled her. It was incomprehensible and illogical but she cared for him far too much, especially in light of how he'd treated her.

Bella looked up to see Edward staring at her over his menu. He flashed a grin and threw her a wink. The hostess dropped off a bowl of warm tortilla chips and one of cold salsa, apologizing for the wait for their server. While there were few people in the restaurant proper, the patio took almost all his time at the moment. Edward was polite and understanding with the hostess and his calm kindness with her pleased Bella.

Edward watched a blush creep up Bella's face and thought of how lovely it made her look. He stretched his hand across the table and held it there, palm up until she put her hand in his. He was glad she forgave him for his previous behaviour and he really hoped that her forgiving nature continued because he knew he might mess up again. He knew he had some growing up to do and perhaps the woman in front of him would be able to show him how to change.

Edward's dreamy moment was shattered by the arrival of the waiter. To his horror, he recognized the guy.

"Hey, Cullen. I didn't think I'd ever see you out here. I thought you stuck more downtown and on campus?"

"Oh...hey Paul. Yeah, my friend and I were in the mood for something a bit spicy. I didn't know you worked here." Edward very slyly slid his hand away from Bella's.

"Sure man, not many gigs over the summer this year. Had to pad the income somehow." The waiter looked from Edward to the girl and back again. He knew Edward from the bar scene and knew him to be picky about the kind of girl he'd be willing to hang with. This sweet young thing didn't seem Edward's type. Paul leered a bit at her, she was cute in a next-door-honey kind of way.

"So, can I get you guys something from the bar?"

Edward ordered a small pitcher of the house sangria for them to share. He gazed off into space, lost in his own thoughts and completely ignoring Bella. He wasn't ready to run into anyone he knew, and he was worried about the ramifications of meeting up with Paul. They weren't friends, nor were they enemies but they ran in the same circles and he knew Paul was a loudmouth.

Paul came back to the table empty handed.

"Sorry guys, but the boss asked me to check. I need to see your IDs before I can give you anything from the bar."

"Really? You know me, man. She's a college junior."

"Still, legally I have to check."

Edward pulled out his driver's license and showed it to Paul. Bella fished her ID out of her purse and handed it to the waiter. She bowed her head as he read it.

"Says here that you're seventeen. Eighteen next month. I'm sorry guys, you can't have alcohol at this table, restaurant policy. Can I get you a juice or something else?" Edward's gasp of astonishment was very loud in the loaded moment.

Bella shook her head.

Edward could hardly contain his anger. He felt humiliated.

"Could you give us a minute, Paul?"

"Sure man." Paul wandered off to help another table.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even think to mention when you ordered. I didn't know you couldn't have a drink with me at the table." Bella felt badly for Edward. It was an unfortunate side effect of dating someone younger.

Edward fixed her with a glare, threw a ten on the table and stood up to leave. Bella didn't clue into what he was doing until he was almost at the door. She ran after him. She caught up with him just as he reached his car.

"Edward,wait. Where are you going?"

"Seventeen. You're fucking seventeen. Shit." He shouted as he dropped his car keys. Bella skidded to a stop in front of him. She watched in horror as he grabbed the keys from the ground and straightened up.

"What else didn't you tell me, Bella? What other fucking surprises are there? Has this whole thing been one big fucking lie after another? Did you lie about the fucking orphan thing, too? And the bad ex-boyfriend? Huh?"

Bella shook her head vehemently.

"I didn't lie to you about anything."

"Bullshit. Got another sob story for me? You got a disease, too?"

"I've never lied to you."

"Right, you're seventeen, living on your own and going to be a junior in college. You're some kind of fucking genius, right?"

"No, not really genius level but..."

"Sure, 'cause a genius would come up with a better lie. Let me guess, you're just playing around before your senior year."

"No, I graduated at fifteen, and took courses online at home. I told you that."

"But you left out the seventeen now part, Bella. I thought all that happened a long time ago, not recently. I can't deal with this." Edward climbed into his car and drove off leaving her behind.

Bella stood in the parking lot for a long time hoping against hope that he would change his mind and see how outrageously he had misinterpreted the situation. She heard his car before she saw it as he screeched to a halt in front of her. The faintest glimmer of hope she clung to was dashed when Edward pulled up beside her. He didn't speak, he didn't roll down his window, in fact, he didn't even glance her way, he just sat in the car and waited for her to get it. He said nothing as he drove her home. The door had barely shut behind her when he tore off again.

 **AN: Jann Arden sings " _Insensitive_ " much better than I can, although that knowledge doesn't stop me from joining in every time I hear it. It is the song for this chapter. Thank you for reading.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Happy Bella's birthday. I don't own Twilight.**

 **Tattoos were once said to be symbolic of and a tool to overcome fear. If you're afraid of something just get a tattoo to help or ward against that fear. G** **et a skull tattoo if you are afraid of death, same with spiders, snakes, and naked women. I just got a tattoo of a semi-colon. Now you know why I need JulieToo and Beachcomberlc so much.**

Chapter 11

In the present

When no one answered the phone at The Mad Hatter's Tea Party, the old fashioned answering machine clicked on. Hours later, Bella Swan, the event company's founder and operator listened to the angry message with her head in her hands. There wasn't enough chai in the world to deal with the shit storm that was coming her way.

"Chickie? It's Rose. Listen, in two days we've scheduled a sit down to finally find out what's up Edward's ass. And I know damn well it has something to do with you. I caught him with a Facebook page called Searching for Bella Swan. You have a lot of explaining to do, ducks. You can either do it before or after the asshole, your choice, but I'll be really hurt if I have to hear it from him. Call me. Now!"

Bella Swan had been an expert juggler up until this point. She had kept all the necessary balls in the air for a long time. They never touched each other and that was the way she worked to have it. To save her sanity and her heart it had to be that way. Some parts of her life orbited others but there were some things she kept very well segregated. Any part of Edward was kept in a secret place far from everything else, she kept his balls well away from the others'. Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice were her friends, and Edward's role in their lives had nothing to do with her. But now he was going to upset her balance and change everything.

Bella had worked hard to build a life for herself that had nothing to do with Edward Cullen. She had love and family, more than she could ever dream of having before Edward entered her life and after her parents death. She would call herself personally and professionally successful.

Bella had thought, once in awhile, of what she'd say to Edward if she should see him again. She imagined scenarios in which she yelled at him, tore him to shreds with just her words, paraded her success in front of him, all while looking devastatingly gorgeous. Gorgeous and taller somehow. In these daydreams she was always taller, with a great set of boobs, like gravity-defying boobs, an almost comic book-worthy rack. He'd take one look at her and this time, this time he would hear her, listen to her and remember her name. She couldn't decide which daydream ended more satisfyingly, the one in which she walked away leaving him feeling like he made her feel or when he took her in his arms and pledged his undying love for all eternity.

She also imagined scenarios where he laughed at her and called her Stella, or Bertha or something like that.

However, these bouts of daydreams were few and far between these days. She had other things to think about, things much more important than an ass who broke her heart six years ago.

Bella had a happy and full life with few regrets. Her business was both profitable and charitable, the latter being more important to her than the former. The Mad Hatter's Tea Party was born from a late night gab session and quickly grew from there. The newly constructed warehouse space she owned was divided into six event rooms; four for children's parties, one for corporate team building events and the last for multipurpose. A full commercial kitchen, laundry facility and generous office space completed her empire.

One of the children's rooms was for formal tea parties. It was floral and feminine. The corresponding rough and tumble pirate room was more masculine in its decoration. Bella was loathe to call them boys' rooms or girls' rooms. If a boy wanted to have a high tea party for his birthday, then Bella would give him the prettiest tea party ever seen. The other two rooms could be arranged to fit any party theme. The biggest draw for The Mad Hatter's Tea Party was that every event somehow led to a food fight and every room was equipped for easy clean up. Changing rooms and showers were a part of the experience. It was the birthday party place everyone just had to book.

There was also a very well hidden secret about Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Two hours were booked every Saturday and Sunday for the entire year. The parties held were by extra special invitation only. Through research and stealth, Bella and her executive team would find children whose parents could not afford to give them a fancy party and then the planning began. Each invited child was allowed to bring one friend. A hearty snack, a six-inch personalized cake and the rest of the Mad Hatter's experience was provided for each birthday child. Twelve children were in attendance for each special party, six celebrants and six friends.

The staff fought over who was allowed to host and perform each week. It was the highlight of the weekend.

Surprisingly, the corporate team-building parties were another of the staff's favourite events. To fill a room with nervous executives and fling whipped cream at them was both amusing and therapeutic for the students and actors who worked there. They loved watching these uptight people turn into little kids and throw off the constraints of corporate life to have fun.

Bella worked hard to make her business run well. She paid her employees very handsomely, and provided a service that was memorable and fun for everyone. Her work and her staff made her happy. Her friends, Angela, Ben and Heidi made her feel loved. She had almost everything she could ever want.

What she didn't want was to have to call Rose back and explain Edward to her.

* * *

Rosalie and Edward were the first ones to arrive at the meeting. Rose had booked a small conference room at a nearby hotel. Not the hotel in which they were staying, but one further downtown in case the meeting became heated and the staff were to hear things they shouldn't.

There were drinks and snacks set up in one corner and a grouping of couches instead of a conference table. As this meeting would mostly likely turn adversarial, in Rose's opinion, they should at least be as comfortable as possible for this…whatever this was.

"I left a message on Bella's machine and for the first time ever she's dodging me. She always calls me back, even if just to tell me off, and this time she didn't. So help me Edward, I don't know what you did to her, but I'll be pissed if I lose her friendship over you." Rosalie poured Edward a coffee and fixed it they way she knew he liked it. He looked as though he needed the caffeine, desperately. She had never seen such exhaustion on his face.

Esme and Alice arrived next, deep in conversation regarding the purchase of Alice's new car. Jasper and Carlisle followed arguing about some obscure actor's portfolio. They had all met in the parking lot and were finishing their chatting as the entered, it had been a few weeks since the last get-together. They said their hellos and hugs were given all continued their conversations as they poured their own beverages and settled on the couches. Emmett wandered in last. Once everyone was settled, Rosalie began.

"All right, now that we're all here…" Rosalie started speaking only to be interrupted by Esme.

"Edward, darling, whatever it is that you've done, you know your father and I will always love you, don't you?" she asked him hopefully.

"Yes, and I appreciate that, I really do." Edward mumbled into his coffee cup. He couldn't meet her eyes just yet. He didn't want to see the concern she had for him. He felt as though he didn't deserve her love. And, as this may be the last time Esme looked at him with love, he didn't want to see it tinged with pity as well.

"Okay, no formality. Edward, why are you looking for Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Shit," Edward put his coffee cup down and ran his hands through his hair, "Fuck."

"Remind me, who is Bella?" They all turned to look at Carlisle. He shrugged.

"Bella's a friend of mine," Rosalie began. "Alice introduced us during our last semester of college. We became fast friends almost instantly. She moved away shortly after we met but we maintained a friendship. But, every time she was around the band or Edward, he treated her like crap. He would throw dirty looks at her and yell at her; he even tried to have her banned from our rehearsals. It was as if he hated her on sight. It really hurt her feelings but she didn't want to disrupt the band's dynamic so she put up with it and limited her interaction with Edward. He was so volatile about her none of us dared to confront him. As well, we were really busy finishing school and cutting the demo, so trying to understand his behaviour took not even second fiddle, more like tenth fiddle.

"After Bella moved we made a pact, none of us would talk about Edward. He was never brought into conversations. He had pulled away from us anyway, we stopped being friends and settled into being co-workers. Well, it was that way for me and I think for Emmett as well, I don't want to speak for him. I know things are different with Jasper and Alice. We all just have different relationships with him. But, when I found out he was after Bella…" Rosalie let her rant taper off. Emmett nodded along with most of what she'd said.

Edward stood up and began pacing around the room.

"I knew Bella before any of you did." He waited a moment for that to sink in.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked.

"I met her months before in this shitty little song writing class I took. She was my partner for the class and we worked well together. The songs we used for the demo came out of that class. I was too full of myself to admit that she did most of the work when you guys first heard the material. You guys liked the songs and I didn't think I'd ever see her again, so I didn't give her any credit. Things with her didn't end well and I was still mad at her when Alice brought her along. I thought you'd find out that she was much better than I was and want her to write instead of me. I thought she'd tell on me too, so I treated her like crap to get her away from me, and you guys. But she just kept appearing and it ate at me, you know? It drove me crazy. I couldn't write anything of my own. But you guys thought I was really good. I didn't want to change the way you saw me." He stopped pacing and stood for a while, staring off into space.

"It just snowballed from there." Edward plunked himself down on an empty couch and waited. He had only just scratched the surface of what he had done to Bella but there were some things his friends and family did not need to know.

"I'm so fucking confused. You rambled that off in only one breath, Edward. You have to slow the fuck down and start again, from the beginning," Emmett shouted

Edward tried to slow his racing heart and collect his scattered thoughts.

"Let me try," Carlisle interjected. "I think I got the gist of it."

"No, Dad, it's my story and my fault. I need to own up to it and confess." Edward heaved a great sigh. He reached into the messenger bag he had stashed behind the couch and brought forth the black notebook that had become both his blessing and his curse. It was his last tie to her and proof of all his misdeeds. He tossed it onto Jasper's lap and watched as his friend and brother opened it. He waited for the backlash that he knew was coming.

"What is all this?" Jasper flipped the pages back and forth. Rosalie read over Jasper's shoulder.

"What's going on?" Emmett leaned forward.

"It's our songs, sort of. They're poems but they're our lyrics too, just in different order. Where did this come from, Edward?"

 **AN: The songs for this chapter are both by Kings of Leon, _Use Somebody_ and _Be Somebody_. I'll let you decide which is which. Thank you for reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

**If I owned Twilight would I be writing fanfiction?**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, I have no words this week. Just thank you.**

Chapter 12

In the past...

On the third day of fall classes at the university, Bella got lost and confused. The university campus was much more spread out and warren like than the community college. Her confusion was making her late for what she hoped would be a fun class. She had yet to attend an actual class at university in person. It would be far different than online classes. It was a prerequisite, but it was one she was looking forward to, Creative Writing 107. She slipped into the lecture hall as quietly as she could and took the first available seat. The professor was covering office times and TA names so Bella was happy that she hadn't missed that much. The professor then started to go through the syllabus and project outlines. The girl in the seat next to Bella started to grumble under her breath. After a minute or two, Bella turned her head to chance a glance at the unhappy girl. She had a tablet in front of her and was tapping it angrily.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, concerned that the girl would shove her stylus through the tablet screen. The girl gave her a withering look and went back to her jabbing.

Bella felt small, like a pitiful gnat not worth a second thought; she had only been trying to help.

The professor was outlining a project that intrigued Bella and she promptly forgot about her sullen neighbour. They were to join a fanfiction site and write one short story based on their favourite novel. The feedback they were given would be part of their grade. Bella had read some fanfiction but never posted anything.

She had read through the review comments of a few of her favourite stories but was appalled by some of the horrendous comments that were left there. Some people were just mean, hateful, and rude. Constructive criticism is one thing, like getting a suggestions on a draft by a teacher or friend, but sometimes a reviewer would get personal or threatening. Those reviews just pissed her off and most of the time they were left anonymously.

Bella had wanted to review and give her feedback or counter the negative, but she felt like her opinion wouldn't be welcomed. Who was she to jump in? She hadn't published anything; she was just a teenage student and her opinion wasn't valid or warranted. Perhaps, though, if she were writing on the same site she could dare to give her feedback. She'd have to think on that for a while.

The girl next to her interrupted her thoughts by muttering louder.

"Can't believe I have to do this shit. It has nothing to do with my degree. Stupid compulsory classes. Fucking stupid cockshit. Whore bastard advisor. Monkey fucking professor. Asshole licking douche bag."

Bella's head tilted in the girl's direction. When she had looked over at her before she looked like a delicate porcelain doll, fair skin, big green eyes and perfectly styled dark hair. She was wearing a crisp white blouse with the arms of a grey sweater draped across her shoulders. She struck Bella as prim and proper, that was, until she opened her mouth. Bella stifled a giggle at some of the creative curse word combinations coming from the delicate flower of female pulchritude next to her.

"You think this is funny? I'm a fucking business major; I have no need for this English course bullshit." She huffed.

"I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" Bella asked, confused.

"Of course, who else is there? My advisor neglected to tell me I had to take this dumbass course to graduate. The prof wouldn't let me out of it. I'm a junior and I have to take a mind-numbingly stupid freshman class. And write fanfiction? On what? Trump's Art of the Deal? I don't read fiction. And other crap projects too. All with the teeming masses of intellectually stunted freshmen, no offence." She side-eyed Bella.

"None taken. I'm a junior too."

"Really? Then why the fuck are you in this tripe class?"

"I'm a writing major."

"No shit? Help me? God, please help me. There are two things I can do creatively, drum and swear. I can't do this shit on my own. I'll be your best friend, sunshine." The girl opened her big green eyes wide and all but begged Bella. Bella didn't even try to hold in the giggles.

"Sure, why not. I'm Bella."

"Cheers, ducky. I'm Alice. I'm so buying you a drink after classes. Meet me here at 8 pm." She flashed her tablet at Bella. It was open to a webpage of a local bar not too far from campus. She turned to nod her acceptance to Alice. Bella noticed a scar running from the corner of the girl's eye to her jaw just under her ear. It did nothing to mar her pretty face.

The bouncer of the club fastened a hot pink underage wristband too tight on Bella's arm, his eyes barely leaving her boobs to do his job properly. Once it was secure, he reminded her that she had to leave by ten pm and he allowed her through the doors. She blinked into the darkness waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. She looked around until she found Alice at a large round table with three other people. Bella negotiated the crowd and plastered a smile on her face to hide her nervousness. She hated meeting new people but if Alice's friends were anything like her, perhaps her worry was for nothing.

Alice saw the young girl and jumped up to meet her.

"Bella." Alice shouted as she drew nearer.

"Let me introduce you...Rose, Em and Jasper, this is Bella. She's going to help me with that stupid creative writing course I have to take. Bella, this is Rosalie, Emmett and my Jasper. My brother's coming later, you can meet him then. Sit, sit...do you want a drink?"

"A coke?" Bella flashed them the bracelet.

"Wait, I thought you said you were a junior but you're not of age?" Alice asked.

"Oh, I graduated high school early and took extra classes so, yeah, um." Bella stood beside the table waiting for the group to tell her thanks but no thanks, be on your way.

"Well, it'd be good to have a smarty pants to hang with. Sometimes Jasper is so slow he goes backwards." Emmett laughed as he dodged Jasper's fist.

"Ignore them. Have a seat, Bella." Rosalie patted the cushion beside her. Alice flagged down their server and ordered another round for the table. Bella slid into the booth and turned to smile at Rosalie. Rosalie was, hands down, the most beautiful woman Bella had ever seen outside of a magazine. She had the most riveting eyes, pale blue with a darker ring on the outside of the iris. She beamed a perfectly straight, blindingly white smile at Bella.

"It's okay, kid, we're friendly," Rosalie winked at her and reached out to pat her shoulder. Bella caught sight of the tattoo that ran the length of Rosalie's arm.

"Can I see your tattoo? I've been thinking of getting one for my birthday." Bella forgot all about her nervousness and launched into a conversation with Rosalie as if they were old friends.

Written in light pink, a shade or two darker than her skin tone, Rosalie had the words, 'you have great truths within you if only anyone would bother to look'.

They chatted about tattoos for a long time before Emmett interrupted them with another round of drinks. The conversation turned to movies, then to books, music, modelling, and then ending in school. After an hour Bella felt as though she had known Rose for years. She had expected her to be stuck-up, as beautiful as she was, or cold and haughty but Rose was the complete opposite. The best was she listened, really listened, to Bella and did not scoff at her opinions. It was a nice change from some of the other people Bella had met lately.

Alice contented herself with fiddling on her phone and drinking martinis. The men joked around and chatted with each other. Bella thought it was a little strange that Alice introduced Jasper as her boyfriend so possessively but seemed to ignore him. Other couples she'd hung out with had been at least a bit demonstrative or affectionate. She asked Rose about it when the others left the table.

"Alice is a bit weird like that. She hardly ever shows emotion in public. She prides herself on being tough and strong but with friends she's different. She loves Jasper to pieces. And he just adores her. I wouldn't be surprised it they're engaged soon."

"What about you Rose? Do you have someone?"

"I do but he doesn't know I exist. Not romantically anyway. We're friends and that's all we're ever going to be."

"I'm sorry, Rose. I know exactly what that feels like."

"Sucks, don't it?" Rose downed the rest of her drink.

"Yup."

Rose was staring in the direction of the bar and Bella followed her sightline. It landed on Emmett.

"Emmett?"

Rose nodded with a big sigh.

"Have you ever told him how you feel?"

"Did you tell your guy?" Rose challenged.

Bella ducked her head and fiddled with her soft drink, her cheeks blazing with colour.

"Did that work out for you?"

Bella shook her head.

"That's why I can't tell him. I like being his friend and it would just cause trouble in the band. So, I love him from afar in my own way. I'm a big girl. I can take it."

Bella placed her hand on Rose's forearm and gave her a little squeeze. Rose patted her hand.

"Hey, it's nice to have someone who understands and who's been there, you know?"

Emmett and Jasper came back to the table. Their hands were full of glasses.

"They've got karaoke starting in a few minutes. We signed Alice up for her theme song."

"Yippee." Both Rose and Alice said at the same time. Rose was more sarcastic than enthusiastic.

"Theme song?" Bella questioned the group.

"Yup. Come on, let's look through the books and find yours." Rose tugged on Bella's sleeve.

"She sings the same song every time." Rose said as they flipped through the music.

"Do you have one?"

"No, I don't usually sing but I have the mind to tonight. What do you think? I'll do it if you do."

Bella found a listing and showed it to Rose. Rose agreed and waited until Bella found one for herself. They passed the names to the DJ and sat down again to watch.

After several bad Biebers, horrible Kelly Clarksons and a Katy Perry that made your eyes water, it was Alice's turn. Meredith Brooks' "Bitch" started to play. Bella let out a snort of laughter. Alice worked the stage prancing like a caged cat.

Emmett took to the stage after Alice and belted out Jimmy Soul's "If You Want To Be Happy". Bella looked at Rose and Rose gave her a sad smile.

After Emmett there was a break, then a group of suits made a mess of Gloria Gaynor. Then it was Rosalie's turn. She flawlessly performed Macy Gray's "I Try". Bella kept glancing at Emmett but he didn't seem to notice that Rose was singing it for him. His eyes were glued to one of the servers as she sashayed around the room.

Bella applauded very loudly as Rose left the stage. The DJ called for the next few acts to get ready. Bella's name was at the end of his list. She stood up to get ready.

"What about you, Jasper? Are you going up?"

"Nah, I sing in a band, man, I don't need to get up there." He winked at Bella and threw his arm around Alice's shoulders.

Bella's choice of song was melancholy and vastly appropriate for her, at least in her mind. Janis Ian's "At Seventeen". She sang about being young and unwanted. Halfway through the song she looked over at the door. Edward was standing there, glaring at her with a look of pure anger. She turned her head away from his direction and finished the song for the crowd. There was polite applause to send her off the stage. She made her way back to the table shaking with nerves. She hadn't seen Edward for weeks and he was here. She didn't know what that meant. Would he talk to her or would he just ignore her?

As she got closer to the table, Alice jumped up to meet her. She was gushing over Bella's performance. Bella brushed off the praise; after all Alice had been drinking a lot. Alice looked over Bella's shoulder and grinned an even bigger smile than before.

"Edward! Hey Edward, this is my new friend Bella. You should have heard her sing; she was really great. She could sing in the band, back-up or maybe take lead once in awhile."

Edward looked at Bella and her wide-eyed little-girl-lost hopeful look. He was livid. How dare she stalk him like that? How dare she use Alice like that, just to get to him. He thought that by removing himself from her life she would get the picture and leave him alone. He thought that he was free of her.

"Yeah Alice, I heard her. She was flat. She's still flat. And not interesting." He said as he looked pointedly at Bella and then down to her breasts. She swallowed hard and wished she'd never agreed to come out to meet Alice tonight.

"Look little girl, who ever you are, we don't need anyone for the band. And even if we did, weaselling up to my sister is not the way to go about it. So, you can go now." Edward pointed to the door.

"Edward, what?" Alice stuttered. He was being a dick; he sometimes could be but not to that degree.

Bella stared at him in disbelief. He didn't even remember her? He was acting like he didn't. Was he acting? She knew from before that he didn't want people to know that they knew each other because of the class and the songs, but could they meet through other means?

The bouncer came up behind Bella and clapped a beefy hand on her shoulder.

"Time's up, kiddo. Only grownups after 10." He laughed at his own cruelty. He hated the job of underage wrangler and drew the short straw tonight.

"Okay." Bella mumbled. She grabbed her bag and said her goodbyes to Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. She promised to see Alice in class next week and left as quickly as the crowd would let her. She made it outside before tears began to prickle her eyes. She lifted her head and looked at the stars, blinking the tears away. She wasn't going to cry over him. Not this time.

"Bella. Wait, Bella." She heard a male voice shouting to her. She didn't want to turn around to see who it was. Loud footsteps stopped behind her. She reluctantly turned to face him. To her relief,it was Emmett.

"Hey, how are you getting home, girly?" Bella pointed down the street.

"Can I walk you?" Bella nodded not wanting to be rude and refuse his offer.

"It's just a couple of blocks." She said, trying to give him an out.

"My dad raised me right. Plus, I wanted to apologise for Edward. He's not always an asshole. He's been under a lot of pressure lately. I don't know why he took it out on you though, he doesn't know you. Alice is giving him shit."

"I wasn't trying to weasel my way into your band, I promise. And I'm not using Alice, I just met her today. She asked me for help with her writing." Bella spoke very quickly.

"I know, sweets, don't worry about it." Emmett patted her on the head and proceeded to tell her dirty jokes the whole way home.

 **AN: Songs-" _Bitch"_ by Meredith Brooks, " _I Try"_ By Macy Grey, " _At Seventeen"_ By Janis Ian, and Jimmy Soul's " _If You Want To Be Happy_ ".**


	14. Chapter 14

**Don't own Twilight. In the immortal words of Linda Ronstadt, ''I don't know much, but I know I love you, and that may be all I need to know.' Best of luck A) getting that song out of your head, and B) reaching the same high notes Aaron Neville hits.**

 **I know I adore JulieToo and beachcomberlc, for more than just their punctuational prowess and superb spellings.**

Chapter 13

In the present...

As Jasper thumbed through the notebook that would bring on Edward's complete downfall from the band, Edward struggled to breathe. Rose was going to hit him, he was sure. If Rose didn't, then Emmett might. His mother was going to be so disappointed. He was going to break her heart almost as much as he had broken Bella's. All his life she had taught him to be honest and kind. With Bella, he was neither of those things.

It wasn't even until about a year after she disappeared that he even started to see just how awful he had been to her. It took that long for his conscience to wake him up. By then, they were laying down the initial tracks for their album Borealis. Edward was putting the finishing touches on the lyrics and rifling through the same notebook Jasper now held. It was then that he noticed that there weren't many of her poems left. He had picked through them, taking bits and pieces here and there, this line, that stanza, arranging them to his liking. To everyone else's liking as well, as they all heaped praise on him for a job well done.

At first, he got angry. Furious even. With himself and with her. Mostly with her. It took nine more months for him to realise just how stupid blaming her was. It wasn't her fault he couldn't write anything even remotely close to her work. It wasn't her fault that she wasn't there to help him with his writing process. It wasn't her fault that the guilt of what he had done began to slowly sink into his every pore.

He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her, what he had said at that time or what he had done. He vaguely remembered a brunette yelling at him and pouring a drink on him but he didn't think that it was Bella who did that. What he did remember is going to her place on Valentine's Day and being told that she had moved out with no forwarding address. The biker lady who was now renting her old place took the cheap box of candies he'd bought as a token for Bella. Bella hadn't even left him a note.

It was then that he first searched for her online. The only thing he found didn't help. In fact, it made things worse. He found a small post about the accident that killed her parents, Charlie and Renee Swan. Everything she had told him was true, according to this article, even though she wasn't identified by name.

Olympic Monthly Tribune, June

Forks Chief of Police Killed in Accident.

 _The people of Forks and its environs are mourning the loss of their new Chief of Police. Charles Swan, along with his wife, Renee Swan, were killed on Highway 101 just past Hell Roaring Creek. The Chief and his wife had been attending at retirement party in Queets. Due to a darker-than-normal night and very slippery curve, they were hit head on by a truck from McClanahan Lumber. No charges will be filed against the truck's driver, Tyler Crowley, or McClanahan. Our thoughts go out to the Swan's minor daughter, whose name is withheld due to age._

 _A memorial service will be held at the Elks Lodge on Merchants Road, next Tuesday, 8 p.m. In lieu of flowers, the family has requested donations to Forks Animal Shelter in the Swans' name._

 _"Charlie had a passion for working dogs." stated interim police chief Billy Black. "He wasn't the kind of guy who wanted to be celebrated and his wife was the same way. Real down-to-earth people. It's a real shame, they are going to be greatly missed."_

 _Swan had been Chief of Police for fourteen months at the time of his death. His wife, Renee was very active with the North Olympic Library and their literacy programs._

Finding this article online led to a week of complete inebriation and a rather nasty cut on Edward's elbow when he fell, drunk, through a glass coffee table. Seven stitches closed the wound and Edward decided not to allow himself to drink like that again. It didn't help his demeanor and he began to pull away from his friends, family and the band. He stopped hanging out with them as much. He started spending more of his time trying to write, trying to be half the songwriter she was. Trying, in vain, to rid himself of the stirrings of guilt that were beginning to fester in his heart. He managed it for almost two years before he gave into that guilt.

When Jasper married his sister, he could see how happy they were together. It only served to show him how unhappy he was. The press, the fans and the accolades weren't enough. None of it made him happy. Nothing made him happy. By rights he should be over the moon. He was a rockstar, a member of a very popular band. He was wealthier than he had dreamed. People looked up to him, they wanted him; his body, his mind, his words. But deep down, he knew they weren't his words. He felt like a fraud. He was a fraud. A thief. A charleton. He had used an innocent young girl, stolen from her and profited from it. He wasn't worthy of any of the things he had been given lately. It made him sick to his stomach.

"What does this mean, Edward? This book? These are our lyrics but this is not your handwriting, is it?" Jasper snapped the book shut and tossed it on the table. Edward lunged for it, and when he had it back in his possession, held it tightly in both of his hands.

"Where did you get that?" Rosalie motioned to the book.

Edward looked at her. They both knew the question was rhetorical.

"What have you done, Edward?" Esme stood to wrap an arm around him. Edward allowed her comfort, he let her lead him to a couch and when they were both seated, he lay his head on her shoulder. He felt like a fucking idiot for what he now had to confess.

"The book is Bella's," Edward mumbled, confirming everyone's suspicions. "I got it from her and used the poems inside to write our songs."

There was a palpable silence in the room. Edward could feel the anger from all their stares like pin pricks all over his scalp. He wanted to vomit. They hadn't even heard the worst of it.

"Why didn't you tell us? Wait, don't answer that, it's an asinine question. How could you do that to her, Edward?" Emmett asked.

"I didn't think it through and it got worse over time." Edward started on his explanations.

"Why are you looking for Bella now?" Rosalie asked

"The band is finished, ruined, thanks to you. There's no way we can go on once this is goes public." Emmett spoke over Rose, drowning her out.

Edward avoided their questions.

"I've scheduled an interview. I'll let everyone know that it was just me, you guys had nothing to do with it. And I'll pay any penalties or legal fees if she sues. I just want to talk to her, to apologize and make up for what I've done. There's other stuff but that's between us, it has nothing to do with the band." His idea did nothing to assuage their concerns, in fact it added fuel to the fire.

"Nothing to do with the band? Are you out of your fucking mind, Edward? It has everything to do with the band. We used to be friends, some of us are family. You pissed that away. You're now telling us that the songs we sing, the songs that made us famous were written by someone outside of the band. Someone who has been given no credit, no acknowledgement and no royalties." Jasper stood up and took over Edward's pacing track.

"Do you mean to tell me that every time I got up on stage and played, every time I fulfilled my childhood dream of being a performer, every time I stood in front of a paying audience I was stealing from my best friend?" Rose whispered.

"I'm going to come clean to the world in the interview. Set the record straight and all that." Edward tried to be consoling with this information but it only fueled the anger towards him. Alice joined in the fray.

"Are you aware of the legalities of what you've done, Edward? If you do this interview and confess, not only the band will be ruined but the label as well. And they'll sue you as fast as they fucking can. They'll take everything from you and all of us by association. You've fucked us all, Edward, your bosses, your audience, your friends and your family." She whipped out her phone and began searching for legal websites to gauge the ramifications.

"Is this part of the reason you treated her like shit whenever she came around? What were you afraid of? That we'd kick you out if you didn't produce material? Do you really think us that disloyal and fickle, Edward? We were tight, but you were the one who pulled away. How the fuck are we supposed to trust you now? You've trashed our dream and fucked us over. Are you happy now?" Jasper stood behind Edward and spoke quietly.

"What about this Bella?" Esme interjected, all eyes turned to her. "Has she ever said anything to any of you about this?"

Rosalie faced Esme and talked to her as if they were the only two in the room. She ignored the sighs and huffs coming from both sides of the fight.

"No, she...we keep things about the band compartmentalized. If we talk about the band then it's in generalities, concert dates, tour schedules, stuff like that. It's nice to have an interaction that's outside the everyday, mainstream shit. She's my friend despite the band and the fame, not because of it. She helps keep me grounded and I'd like to think that I do the same for her."

"I can't place her, did we ever meet?"

"The Hallowe'en party when Jasper proposed...that song I sang for him? Remember, she accompanied me on guitar." Alice joined in the conversation. Edward sucked in a sharp breath.

"Oh, yes, I remember. Sweet girl. So, if the songs are hers and they've been played over and over again, in the media and in concert, why did she never come forward and claim them?"

Esme asked the question they all had been wondering.

 **AN: Thank you for reading. It is a wonderful delight to receive your reviews. I have the best group of Facebook friends, just sayin'. They kick-ass and don't even bother to take names. That's all.**


	15. Chapter 15

**I really don't own Twilight. I do have a Mother-in-law who is addicted to The Walking Dead. We are marathon-ing our way through it during her visit. Season 3 is done, season 4 starts tonight. ' _Just look at the flowers'._**

 **Wow, you guys are blowing my mind with your responses to the story. I don't know if I should be shouting from the rooftops or hiding in a little ball in the basement. You're going to have to find a new word for this 'Ward, because we are reaching the pinnacle of his assholery.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, while too naughty to be sainted, are worthy of very high praises, in my humble opinion.**

Chapter 14

In the past...

A knock at the door at ten to midnight is seldom a good thing. In her building, most late night door knocks were accompanied with shouts of _'Police, open up'_. So Bella was a little cautious about opening the door. She had been playing around on the guitar so it might be the neighbour who liked to complain about noise. She put the guitar on its stand and walked over to the door, grabbing her phone just in case she needed to call the cops. A look through the peephole shocked the hell out of her and she dropped the phone.

It took a couple of minutes to get both deadbolts and the chain unlocked. Enough time for the person on the other side of the door to knock again. She slowly opened the door and looked at Edward standing in the hallway. He swayed slightly and grinned at her.

"Hi," was all he said and all she needed to hear. When he opened his mouth she could smell the alcohol wafting from him. He was tanked. He wouldn't be at her door for any other reason. It had been weeks since he had been there last.

She moved to the side and let him in. He waltzed by her and stood with his back to her. She hadn't seen him since that night at the bar with Alice and the gang. She didn't think she'd ever see him again. She bent over to retrieve the phone after locking the door and when she straightened she saw him leering at her. It was then that Bella remembered that she was wearing a loose tank top and flannel pants. She grabbed a cardigan from the pegs by the door and covered up. If the situation was different, the pout on Edward's face might have been cute.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"The bartender took my keys and kicked me out. Your place is the closest and it's cold out." He was still swaying.

"Why didn't you call someone? Like Alice or Emmett?" She finagled him on to the couch.

"I broke my phone last week. Just after Alice yelled at me for being mean to you. I was mean to you, Bella. I don't think it's the first time. I'm good at being mean to you" The pout changed to a look of remorse.

"I know, Edward."

"Alice said I shouldn't do it again."

"But you will, won't you?" She knew all about drunken truths. She knew it could be her only opportunity to get the truth from him. But, she didn't want to pry.

"Hmmmmn, probably. She doesn't know about you. She doesn't know what I feel about you." He leaned over and snuggled into the throw pillow. His feet were still on the floor. Bella sighed. She bent down and took off his shoes. He lifted his feet and got comfortable. She went to the hall closet and grabbed a couple of blankets to cover him. It was such a pity. Such a pain in the ass housed in a beautiful package, she thought to herself as she stepped back from the couch.

"I don't know what you feel about me either, Edward." She said to his sleeping face. She turned off all the lights and went into her room to lay down, feeling much older than her years.

Bella was woken up a few hours later by the flushing of her toilet. It took a few moments before she remembered that Edward had been sleeping on her couch. By the time she remembered, her door was pushed open. She had left the door ajar in case he needed her in the night.

"Hey," Edward said from the doorway.

"You need anything?" Bella asked, sitting up. She couldn't see him in the darkness.

"Nope." Edward walked into her room and crawled into bed with her. She was surprised but didn't say anything. He was still drunk and probably thought he was at home. She was too tired to kick him out so she just lay back down and drifted off.

A car alarm blaring outside woke her up the second time. Bella woke up confused. And hot, really hot. She tried to shed the blankets, but she was pinned down by a large hairy arm across her waist. She followed the arm up to where the hand lay cupping her left breast.

Her breathing halted and stuck in her throat. Slowly she tried to get out of his grip. She knew he would be pissed off if he found himself with her like that. And somehow it would be her fault.

Struggling, she was able to remove the hand but not the arm. With a lot of wriggling, she turned to face him. His eyes were closed but there was a slight smile on his face. The arm around her tightened and he rocked his hips into her. She could easily feel the reason for the smile.

"Edward? Edward wake up."

His smile was interrupted by the tip of his tongue wetting his lips. He rocked his hips against her again. The arm Bella hadn't noticed under her head brought her face closer to his and he kissed her gently.

"Edward, it's Bella. Edward, you need to wake up." She pushed on his shoulders to make him back away from her.

"I am awake. I need you. I want you to make me feel good. I know you want me too, babe. You have for a long time. You can't hide it from me." He kissed her again, this time with more passion and intent. He slowly rolled so that the majority of his body covered hers.

Cursing herself and her reactions, she surrendered to what she had been wanting for months. She wanted this man, to hold her, to care for her, and even to care about her. She didn't dare hope that he could love her but at the moment he loved her body and perhaps that was a good enough start. She would give him that and hope that he would stay around long enough to want her beyond sex. All she ever really wanted was to be touched by a loving hand but a wanting hand would have to do for now.

She parted her legs to let him lie in between. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He was still sleepy, she could easily see that, but he was present in the moment with her. She could see that too. He gently brushed some hair from her face and stroked her cheek before leaning down and kissing her again. This kiss did not end but led to night clothes being tossed to the floor and blankets being kicked off for better movement. Hands explored hard ridges and soft curves. His hiss of relief drowned out her gasp of surprise as he found himself fully engulfed by her. Without pause he set a rhythm and a pace that pleased him. With both her arms and her legs, she clung to him and followed his lead. He rolled them both over and pushed her shoulders so that she would sit up. He straightened his spine as best he could to sit up as his hands helping to rock her hips. She tried to keep the pace he set while he sucked and nibbled at her breast. By the time her thighs burned and ached with effort, his excitement and animalistic noises grew to a fever pitch. He groaned his release but held tight to her hips. With a sigh, she collapsed on his chest, content but not satisfied. She laid soft kisses on his shoulder, neck and collarbone until her legs became too uncomfortable in their position. She slid off to the side and tucked herself into him. There she followed him into sleep.

Bella woke the next morning alone in her bed. One of the last things Edward did before he left was to cover her with her blankets. As he was sneaking out the door he noticed the calendar above her desk. There circled in blue ink was that day's date. Underneath read 18th birthday. He really, really fucked up this time.

* * *

Bella didn't hear from him for days. When Edward finally did call he didn't sound happy.

"Hey, the...um...the other night, that wasn't your first time was it?" He managed to say without too much panic in his voice.

"No, it wasn't." Tears gathered in her eyes. This was so not what she wanted.

"And you're on some kind of birth control, right?"

"Yeah, I'm covered." Bella pressed the mute button just in time to sniff the tears back.

"I got tested at the beginning of school. I'm clean. I assume that you wouldn't have gone along with it if you weren't clean too, right?"

"Yes, Edward. Is there anything else you need?" She had three, maybe four seconds before she lost it.

"Not right now. Thanks. And...I'll...um….I'll call you soon, 'kay?"

"No you won't." She said to dead air as he had already hung up.

This wasn't the first or the last time she would cry over Edward Cullen.

* * *

Alice didn't talk much about her brother over the next few weeks. Bella didn't know if he had mentioned anything to Alice or if he had asked her not to talk about him, but Bella didn't want to ask. Alice did talk a lot about Jasper. She also talked a lot about her hatred for Creative Writing classes. Bella smothered her giggles and helped Alice with her school work. She also agreed to help Alice with a very special project. Alice wanted to surprise Jasper for his twenty-third birthday. She was too anal-retentive and practical for a strip tease. She didn't want to just buy him something and the fact that she had much more money than he did was a point of contention between them. Alice wanted to show him her softer side, and yes, she did have a softer side, thank you very much. It almost never came out because of her past but Jasper has been granted glimpses of it. Alice enlisted Bella's help in writing a poem for him. They met for coffee every day to work on it for the deadline was the end of October and this was the third week in September.

It took three coffee meetings to settle on a theme. It took five more for the words to start flowing and a poem to begin to take shape. It took one more week for the two of them to decide that their poem could be a song instead. The melody was the easiest part of the exercise. Bella strummed her guitar, programmed a bass line through her keyboard and Alice kept tempo with a pair of drumstick brushes on a snare. Alice's voice was just perfect for the song, not too polished and professional, a little gritty and sweet.

Bella remembered the story Alice had told her late one night after they had been out, just the two of them. She told Bella about the controlling boyfriend she had in high school who didn't want her to hang out with the band. He saw every other male around her as a threat, even her own brother. He turned a gentle, naive girl into a cynical, hardened, self-proclaimed bitch by systematically picking away at her self-esteem. He laid his hands on her just once and left her with a scarred face so that no one else would ever want her. She left him with a restraining order, 500 hours community service and an arrest record. It took Jasper a full year to convince Alice that he loved her despite what her ex had done to her. She was worth the wait in his eyes. He never failed to let her know just how much he did love her. He let her be the ice queen in public and never called her on it. For he knew that she was the gentle, sweet loving girl behind closed doors and only for him.

Bella and Alice practised Alice's song as often as they could until they had it down pat. The Cullens were hosting a joint Hallowe'en birthday party for Jasper and the plan was to play the song for him there. Alice made Bella dress up as a "country girl", plaid shirt and cut off jeans, but nothing too tight or slutty. Alice wore a pin-up style dress with lots of crinoline. They took to the makeshift stage with Alice in front on a high stool. Her snare was angled to the side so as not to block her. Bella sat behind and to the opposite side of the drum trying to be out of the spotlight.

Alice sang her heart out to Jasper and he loved it. Even before the last chord rang he was out of his seat and snatching Alice from her stool. He had no idea what she had planned for his birthday but her song made his plans that much better. With one last look at Alice's Dad, Carlisle, Jasper put her back down on her stool again and in front of everyone there produced a ring box from his pocket. There wasn't a sound in the room until Alice said yes.

Bella stood back from the crowd as it surged upon the happy couple. She wiped a tear from her eye and wished that one day she would be as happy as Alice was. Alice was surrounded by her parents and her friends, all jockeying to give their congratulations. One was missing and Bella searched to room for him. He should have been there for his sister and best friend, but Edward was standing at the back of the room glaring at Bella. When he caught her eye, he walked over to Alice and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He shook Jasper's hand and with a nod of his head got Bella to follow him into the other room. With dread she trailed behind him.

"How fucking dare you write a song for her? And a shitty girly one too." He towered over her making her feel very, very small. She didn't like the feeling. It brought back too many memories.

"She asked me to help her write a poem for Jasper. It turned into a better song than poem."

"Yeah, but now people might think of you as a songwriter. I'm the songwriter for the band, not you. You're nothing to the band." He grabbed her arm and held on very tightly.

"I'm sorry. I was just helping her because she asked me to."

"If they find out that you helped with the other songs, I'll be fucked. How could you do that to me, Bella?"

"I didn't do anything to you, Edward. I just did a favour for Alice."

"Don't fucking do it again, all right." He released her arm and stormed away from her.

Later, as she looked at the red mark on her upper arm, she was glad that Alice was so distracted by her engagement that she didn't notice the redness of Bella's eyes. Or the forced way she offered her own congratulations before saying her goodbyes for the night. She had handed the letter she'd written for Jasper to Esme as she made her way out the door. She hoped Jasper would keep the contents of the letter to himself as she had asked. It wasn't anything bad or unseemly but another song she had written. It was how she saw Jasper's side of his romance story with Alice. Bella had been proud of her work until Edward yelled at her. But she had nothing else to give Jasper for his birthday; she couldn't afford a present yet, her words were all she had.

 **AN: So, the next few chapters will all be in the past. And you may just find a new hatred for this Edward by the time we're done here. But soldier on, it will get better soon.**

 **The songs for this chapter are " _Push"_ by Matchbox Twenty, " _Bubbly"_ by Colbie Callait, and " _She Will Be Loved"_ by Maroon 5 **

**There will be no Uncredited next week. Road trip, baby.**


	16. Chapter 16

**I don't have any of the rights to Twilight. What I do have is a Mother-in-law who is addicted to The Walking Dead and a giant pot of Moroccan spiced Beet and Lentil soup. I know you're jealous.**

 **I also have the best support system in JulieToo and beachcomberlc. I would love to share my soup with them.**

Chapter 15

In the past...

Edward slid down the wall to sit on the floor outside Bella's door.. Maybe she wasn't just ignoring him, maybe she wasn't actually home. He had knocked for more than five minutes and her place wasn't that big. If she were home, he didn't think she could listen to someone knocking for that long without checking or stopping them. Either way, he resolved to wait there until she showed up. She had to go through the door at some point.

He was on a mission. His mother had invited the band to Thanksgiving dinner and once Alice had mentioned Bella, Esme had invited her as well. Alice had seen the grimace on Edward's face and suggested that perhaps Edward should be the one to invite Bella. Esme liked the idea. From what little she'd heard of the girl, she seemed like a nice addition to the group and Esme liked any opportunity she could get to set her handsome son up with admiring females. She wanted him to settle down and soon. Alice liked the idea that Edward would have to make nice with Bella. He was such a dick to her whenever they hung out. When Bella would speak, Edward would roll his eyes. When Bella sang at karaoke, Edward would scowl and fume. If there was dancing, well, Edward refused to go dancing if Bella was invited. Alice had made a big show of giving Edward Bella's number and Esme implored him to ask her to attend the big Thanksgiving feast she had planned.

Edward tried to call a couple of times. Once, right after he dialled her number he got interrupted by a smoking hot girl asking for directions. He quickly forgot all about calling Bella as he worked his charm. (It was to no avail as the girl told him she was gay, but it felt good to keep his skills up. It had been a little lonely between the sheets lately.)

Every time since then, he hadn't been able to reach her. He even left messages, well, a message but she hadn't returned his call. Now he was sitting his ass down outside her apartment door until she spoke to him. Otherwise, his mom might kick his ass.

He heard her long before he saw her. Her footsteps were slow and there was a bumping noise that accompanied them. She stopped at the top of the stairs and sighed upon seeing him leaning against her door. She was dragging her guitar case up the stairs; that explained the bumping noise. In her other hand she had her keys at the ready. Edward stared as she walked towards him. She looked tired, the way she held her body, the set of her shoulders, everything screamed fatigued. At least she was dressed for the cool weather. Bella had a long scarf around her neck and knit hat on her head, the colours bright against her black jacket.

She stepped over his legs and put one of her keys in the first lock. Edward scrambled to his feet.

"Hey." He stared at the back of her.

"Hello Edward." Bella said, more out of surprise than greeting.

"How are you? I left a message but I didn't hear from you." Edward decided to pretend as if nothing was wrong between them.

Bella stopped opening her door. She turned to face him and gave him an incredulous look. She would have rolled her eyes if she had the energy. All she wanted was a cup of tea and a warm blanket to help forget her day. Maybe a good cry, too.

"What happened to your face?" Edward noticed the thin red line that ran up her cheek and across her forehead. She wasn't wearing her glasses and he could easily see exhaustion in her eyes.

"What do you want, Edward?" Bella finally finished unlocking the door and stepped inside, hoping to get this encounter with him over and done with. Dealing with him was just the final fart of the shit show that was her life lately.

Edward didn't answer so Bella decided to shut the door.

"No, wait. I wanna know what happened. Did someone do that to you?" Edward stopped the door from shutting on him.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine." Bella walked into her place and heard him shut the door. She spent a few minutes getting rid of her outerwear before going into the kitchen to fill the kettle.

"What were you doing out so late?" His question floored her.

"That's none of your damn business, Edward. None of my life is your business, by your choice I may add, so tell me what you want and kindly leave me alone."

"Just tell me. I'm not going to let it go." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her.

Bella grabbed two mugs and filled them. She fixed hers to her liking and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him to finish his own. She knew he didn't really like tea but at this point she didn't give a tiny rat's ass; she didn't even invite him in.

Edward followed after her, mug in hand.

"The teashop cut my hours and I needed some money so I was out busking. A couple of assholes messed with me tonight and I got injured, slightly. No big deal. Now you can go."

"You were out busking, at night? Are you out of your mind? Do you know how dangerous that can be?" Tears prickled at the back of Bella's eyes. Her anger was increasing. She was this close to losing it on him. She sucked a deep breath in through her teeth.

"Who are you, my fucking father? It's none of your business, like I said."

"I would have given you some cash." He regretted the offer as soon as he spoke it.

"I beg you pardon? In what universe would I come to you for money? All you ever do is break my heart again and again and treat me like shit. Why, for fuck's sake, would I ask you for money?" With this, she broke into sobs. It was all too much; her night, him, everything just broke her down.

He held her as she cried, gently stroking her hair and rocking her back and forth. She didn't want to rely on him but he was all she had at the moment. And he smelled so damn good, his shoulder was strong and cradled her head. It was nice to have him in her life for good and not for his usual evil. It was nice to be comforted after everything that had happened today.

"Tell me what happened." He whispered in her ear when her sobbing started to wane.

"I was outside this dive bar. The bouncer had been keeping an eye out for me but he went on break. These frat guys came up and started teasing me. One of them reached into my case and grabbed a handful of change so I fought back, yelling at them, you know? He dropped the money and his friend grabbed my guitar. He took out a little pocket knife and snipped my strings. One of them pinged across my face and hit me. Broke my glasses, too. It's fine, it didn't bleed or anything and the mark will most likely be gone by morning. I'm mad more than anything, I suppose. And tired, I'm really, really tired Edward." Bella wiped her eyes and sat up. She felt better having released that evening's stress. Now she was hoping he would leave soon without carving another chunk out of her like usual. She looked at him through blurry eyes, his patrician brow, the gorgeous shade and shape of his eyes, his beautifully sculpted face with a day's worth of golden whiskers. He was too handsome to deal with right now when she felt all the worse for wear.

He looked back at her. She was so vulnerable at this moment, so hurt but strong. A multitude of emotion battered against his brain. He knew he had a great part in damaging her. He knew he was at fault, but he couldn't think when confronted by the anguish on her face. He could only react.

Without a word he took her hand and gently pulled her into her bedroom. He kissed her cheek and made her sit on the bed. He got to his knees and tugged at her shoes until they came off. He help relieve her of the rest of her clothes, save for her t-shirt, bra and panties. He pulled back her covers and motioned for her to get into bed. He bent over her and kissed her forehead. He briefly left to room to check on the door locks. He put the tea mugs in the kitchen and turned off all the lights. He left his shoes at the door.

As quietly as he could, he stripped down to his boxers and tee before slipping into bed with her. He gathered her in his arms and held her tight for as long as it took for her to fall into a deep sleep. He slept fitfully with dreams of Bella being swarmed by men, her being pushed around and him powerless to stop it. He had never experienced the feeling of that kind of impotence before. He didn't like it.

He gave up trying to sleep in the early morning grabbed his clothes and got dressed in the kitchen, so he wouldn't wake her. A business card on her fridge caught his eye. There was something he could do to show her a little kindness. He called the number on the card and left a detailed message. He found a piece of scrap paper and left Bella a note.

 _I hope today is better. Stay safe,_

 _Edward._

He propped the note up against the kettle and left, making sure to listen for the locks to engage before he walked away from her place.

Bella wasn't surprised to wake up alone. She was, however, greatly surprised by the note Edward had left. Perhaps they were turning a corner in their relationship.

She was doubly shocked by the delivery basket waiting for her when she returned home from classes. It was from the place down the street. Edward must have seen it as he left last night or this morning. In the basket there were twelve large chocolate lollipops shaped like guitars and there was also a selection of new guitar strings. It was a very thoughtful gift. Bella had no idea Edward was capable of such kindness towards her. She pinched herself many times. The icing on the cake was the message left on her answering machine.

"Hi Bella, this is Lauren from Dr. Crowley's office. I got the message from your boyfriend about your glasses. I'm sorry they were broken like that. I have your prescription on file and the same frames in stock so whenever you can, just come down and pick up your new glasses next week, okay? Your boyfriend paid for two pairs so let me know if you want the same pair twice or if you want to pick out something new. Call me soon, thanks Bella. And hey, you've got a great man there."

Bella had to listen to the message several times before the words made any sort of sense. She sat on her couch, thinking, well into the night but still she couldn't make heads nor tails of Edward's recent behaviour.

 **AN: This may seem way out of character of this Edward but in my mind it's his way of protecting her. He can be mean to her but woe betide anyone one else who tries to do the same. It's not logical.**

 **I am well aware that various laws protect patients and the chances of Edward being able to order new glasses for Bella are slim. Just go with it, please, in the name of fiction.**

 **We are still in the past for a bit longer. Thank you for reading. If I have responded to your review yet I'm sorry, the site has been a mite temperamental lately, I do love them so.**


	17. Chapter 17

**I don't own Twilight. Shocking, I know, but true none the same.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc fixed, polished and buffed this chapter into the shiny bundle you see here today. It was no mean feat. I am beholden.**

Chapter 16

In the past…

There had been little to no time for socializing in the weeks leading up to winter break. Papers and projects took precedence over hanging out. The push was on for Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and presumably Edward, although no one saw much of him at all, to finish in time to graduate. Alice hung out mostly with her group of business majors. She was friendly every time she saw Bella in class and they'd had coffee twice. Their conversation was mainly of superficial things: classes, the weather, meaningless generalities. Easy talk between people who are friendly but not necessarily the best of friends. Alice had been a little hurt when Edward told her and Esme that Bella had declined the invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. However, the push to end the semester forced the hurt to the back of her mind.

Edward didn't drop by again although he did call to check on Bella a few days after his last visit. She was able to thank him for the basket and the unnecessary purchase of new glasses. The conversation was stilted and awkward with both of them not knowing what to say to the other.

Alice took Bella out to celebrate the last creative writing class they shared before the break. Alice was still struggling, but with Bella's help she was managing to keep her head above water in the course. Alice would never write the next big novel or pen an award-winning screenplay, but she would begrudgingly admit that she did learn a thing or two during the class. She'd gone so far as to spend an hour and a half perusing a bookstore for this year's Christmas presents. She even found a few books that piqued her interest; ones that had nothing to do with the business world.

Bella and Alice exchanged gifts early. Alice invited Bella to their New Year's celebration but Bella was noncommittal. Firstly, she was concerned how Edward would react to her presence. They hadn't spoken to each other for weeks, although he was much kinder to her lately. He waved to her from across the quad at campus one day and didn't roll his eyes or yell when he encountered her with Emmett. Secondly, Bella was too distracted to give a firm answer.

Bella's attention had been divided between classes, making Christmas presents and the impending visit of her childhood best friend. A late night, frantic phone call from Angela had Bella in a tizzy of organization. Angela was due to arrive two days after exams finished for a brief visit. She was supposed to spend the remainder of the winter break with her boyfriend and his family, however a huge fight with him had her running to the comfort of Bella's arm's. She didn't want her family to know that she'd fought with Ben. There were times when Angela would swear that her parents loved him more than her. Angela couldn't even remember what the fight was about, only that she was very angry with Ben and wanted nothing to do with him. Once she was settled at Bella's she planned on calling her parents and letting them know where she was and why. Her parents had booked a holiday Disney cruise for themselves and their younger children anyway.

"Oh Bella, I was completely irrational, I have no idea what came over me. All he said was that the shirt I was wearing looked nice on me. I took it to mean the rest of my outfit sucked and he thought I was getting fat. I've been feeling so crappy lately and this fight was just scratched the surface. Things blew up from there. I said a whole bunch of mean things to Ben, I don't think he'll ever take me back. I've fucked up so much with him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and I ruined it." Angela cried herself out on Bella's shoulder.

Bella didn't know what to say. Angela and Ben had been her exemplary couple, second only after her parents. They were kind and loving to each other but not to the point of cloying saccharine-like sweetness. They complemented each other's personalities well. They had weathered the pitfalls of high school romance and successfully negotiated the college life transition together. Three days after her arrival and two full boxes of tissue later, Angela and Ben made up over the phone. Angela decided to stay with Bella for the remainder of Christmas and return just after New Year's. Alice had invited Bella to the party and extended that invitation to Angela as well.

Now that Angela's love life was repaired, she set her sights on Bella's. Bella reluctantly told her everything about Edward, with prompting, in minute detail.

"You're so smart Bella, why do you let him do this to you? Why do you let him run your life like this?"

"Oh Ange, I'm academically gifted, but I guess I'm not emotionally smart. He's the first guy I ever loved. It doesn't make sense, but then it doesn't have to. When has love ever made sense? Sometimes it's just a chemical reaction to pheromones and biological imperative butting up against the golden ratio and societies' standards of pleasing aesthetics. It's a fucking crap shoot, really. I got shot by a right bastard during a time of peak hormone production. It happens. My Cupid is an asshole."

Although the laughter helped, it did not quite hide the hurt in her eyes.

"Plus, I have the mantle of youth to cower behind. I'm still only eighteen, Ange, I'm allowed to make poor romantic choices, in fact it's almost de rigueur. They serve to teach me my worth and help me to make much better decisions in the future. Edward will not be the kind of man I end up with in the end. I know that. But that doesn't stop me from wanting him in the now or hoping against hope that he will change into the kind of man who is good for me."

They commiserated long into the night and started the next part of their visit fresh and without any discussion of men. Christmas was fun, they overate, over-talked and stayed up too late every night. They shopped and played tourist during the day. Angela helped Bella remake her crushed velvet little black dress into a slightly more sophisticated version for the New Year's Eve party. Bella took more care with her make-up and hair than she would normally. It was an occasion, after all. Alice's parents would be there, hosting the party, and she couldn't wait to meet them. Bella reached into the very back of her closet and brought out her mother's fancy dress coat for the night. Bella hadn't had an opportunity to wear it yet. She kept just a few things from her mother's closet; her mother had been taller and bigger than Bella but there were still a few pieces that fit. Her dress coat was a favourite of Bella's. It was a black wool swing coat with brass-coloured buttons.

The girls made their way downtown to a pub. It was still open to the public for the night but had a basement event room reserved for the Cullen party. Alice had received special permission for underage Bella to attend, although she was given a stern lecture and wrist bracelet at the door. Alice hugged Angela and Bella both before showing them to the stairs leading to the party. From the stairs, Bella spotted Jasper and Emmett. She waved and walked over to them, introducing Angela. After a few minutes of chatting, Jasper told them where they could stow their coats and offer to get them drinks. Angela trailed after Bella as they walked to the closet area.

"Hey man! Is that cute little jailbait going to be here? I saw her at your Halloween party and she was looking good. Heard the song she wrote, too. She's got some talents, if you know what I mean." An overly loud voice caught Bella's attention. She peeked around a corner and saw a swaying Edward surrounded by a few guys. The waiter from their ill-fated date had a hand on Edward's shoulder.

"She might be. My little sister invites her to stuff without my say-so all the time. She's always hanging around like a bad fart." Edward took a long drink of his fourth Manhattan.

"She is tasty, though, you know. Just turned eighteen…"

Edward just laughed uncomfortably while Paul guffawed at his own cleverness.

"So, if you're done with her can I give it a shot? I could ask her to write something for my band and then work my way into her pants from there." Paul took his hand off Edward's shoulder and winked at him.

"It's not worth the hassle, Paul. I've sampled some of those talents and let me just say I wasn't impressed. I have no use for her. Or her sappy songs. But if you want to give it a spin, more power to you man. But just so you know, she's no good for you, man. Don't tell me about it, if anything happens. I really don't care." Edward stumbled off, leaving the group behind. Bella stuttered a gasp. Angela grabbed Bella's shoulders and pulled her closer. She was shocked when Bella raised one hand and laid it over one of hers, patting gently as if to comfort Angela for having to hear such things.

"We'll stay for one drink and then we'll go, okay? Maybe grab some sushi or Thai, my treat?" Angela whispered in Bella's ear. Bella nodded her head. Angela took Bella's coat and left her to go hang them up. Bella stood with her back pressed to the wall, lost in thought.

One drink led to two but Jasper and Alice help alleviate Bella's mood. Emmett presented them to his latest conquest, Jessica, and it made Bella very happy that Rosalie was out of town. Rose wouldn't have to face the reality of Emmett with someone else. Jessica was sweet and giddy but a bit over-the-top. Not the kind of person Emmett needed, in Bella's opinion. Emmett was more the strong silent type and Bella felt he deserved someone with a bit more substance. In her mind he deserved Rosalie, but Bella wouldn't betray her by ever saying anything. Emmett was very immovable in his dating rules and Rosalie checked too many of his negative boxes, unfortunately.

Bella made her excuses to her friends and Angela wandered off to get their coats as Bella went in search of Mrs. Cullen. She was easy to find. Bella followed the peals of laughter to a large group surrounding the elder Cullens. She caught Mrs. Cullen's attention and drew her away from the group. Esme became more animated when the young girl introduced herself.

"Oh, you're Bella. Alice and Rose have mentioned you many times. I'm so glad you were able to attend tonight." Esme shook her hand warmly.

"Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Cullen. I've had a lovely time. I was wondering if you could pass this to Edward for me. He's busy with friends and I don't want to interrupt him." Bella gave Esme a small bag.

"Of course dear. I was so sad that you were unable to join us for Thanksgiving, but Edward said you preferred to be with your family when I asked him to invite you. Maybe you could come to dinner another time." Bella couldn't help but smile at the idea. It was a lovely pipe dream of an idea, her being included in a Cullen family dinner with Edward. He wouldn't want her there.

Later, after a short crying jag and a long pep talk, Angela left Bella cuddled up with blankets to go pick up a fancy Thai take-out dinner. Bella dozed on the couch and didn't notice until very late that Angela hadn't come back.

 **AN: The song that comes to mind for this chapter is " _Stay"_ by Lisa Loeb. Now, I know you want to watch _Reality Bites_ again, don't you? How could you not want to? Go on, I'll wait here for you, sugar-booger.**

 **Thank you for reading. We are finished with the past for now, although there may be a way back journey or two. If there is, it will be brief.**

 **If you have the time, check out tehlemonadestand blogspot. When you've finished there, SarcasticBimbo has a new blog for Twi-fic recommendations called smutslutsandangstwhores that is very entertaining. I read both blogs weekly and not just when they pimp my stories, although I get extra excited when they do.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Twilight has no singular ownership in my imagination, I'm wrong, but I do so love living in my imagination. It's fun there.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc live in my heart and my computer. They tell me how to fix my crap until it is worthy of being read. I like them for that.**

Chapter 17

In the present...

Edward pondered the question his mother asked for a tense moment. Why hadn't Bella ever said anything to claim her work? Why hadn't she told Rosalie, at least, that the lyrics were hers? God knows, she could have used the money. When Edward knew her, she was struggling, living in a shitty apartment and busking for food money. The memory of her as a small, cold and frail girl haunted him.

"I don't know, Mom, but I know it's my fault. All of it. But that's only a fraction of the reason why I want to talk to her." Edward was exhausted by the tension in the room but he'd plead his case for hours if it would get him the result he wanted.

"So, what do you want?" Rosalie ask, sizing him up.

"I just want to speak with her. I want to apologize and talk with her. That's all. I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have." While Esme comforted him and Carlisle felt he was contrite enough, Rosalie still had her doubts and she wasn't afraid to let them be known.

"You are so full of it. I think you're up to something else."

Edward had had enough of Rosalie's attitude. Bella was a very competent adult who could make decisions for herself. Let Bella decide if she wanted to talk to him or not. Let him have his say and leave the matter in Bella's hands. That's all he was asking for. A chance. Just a chance to talk to her and maybe earn her forgiveness. Nothing more.

"Why are you so protective of her, Rosalie? Why won't you just give me her number and let me talk to her?"

"Why? I don't want to lose her friendship over you. Because I don't want you to break her heart like you did mine."

"Oh God Rose, I..I didn't know...I…" Edward spluttered. He was taken aback. He had no idea Rosalie harboured feelings for him.

"Not like that, you tool. We were friends and you just shit all over it. You removed yourself emotionally and withdrew from my life with no warning or reason. You just fucked off and left us high and dry. It hurt, and it broke my heart that my friendship meant so little to you. That we meant so little to you." She gestured around the room to the others.

Rose walked over to him, crossed her arms over her chest and glared.

"So if wanting to save another friend from being screwed over by you is overly protective, then sue me. I'm not giving you shit. If she wants to talk to you, fine. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions but I'm not going to offer her up like a lamb to slaughter. Convince Emmett to give you her details."

"I get it Rose, and if it's worth anything, I'm sorry. I didn't think what I was going through would affect you in that way. There's so much I didn't see and I really am sorry."

"Sorry just isn't cutting it with me." Rose grabbed her purse and walk away.

"Please, Rose?" Edward started after her but was stopped by Emmett's hand on his shoulder.

"Leave her be. She won't give you anything and begging won't do you any good. Listen, I really don't like what you did to Bella and to the band but I'll talk to her. If she agrees, I'll give her your email or number. It's all up to her, man, and you'd better respect that. No more hunting her down online, okay?"

Edward agreed and Emmett took off to catch up with Rose. Edward turned and looked at his family.

"I'm so sorry." He sat and held his head in his hands.

Alice gave him a few minutes before she spoke her mind. She tried hard to keep her anger with him down, although she was intensely pissed off at her brother. Not so much for what he did to Bella, but for what he could potentially do to Jasper and his career. Jasper loved performing and Alice did not want Edward to take that away from him.

"If you do that interview and expose what you've done...we'll all be ruined, Edward. You have to know that. There's no coming back from this. You and the band will be a joke bandied about the media for months and even if you were to survive that, you'll lose the majority of your fan base. You won't be able to make enough money to pay back the labels, the attorneys and Bella, if she sues. I really think you should cancel it."

"You're right, Alice. But I still want to tell my story. I kept her secret from you guys for so long. She might appreciate me coming clean to the world. It might launch her career as a songwriter, if that's what she still wants. At the very least I could apologize on a grand scale and let the world know about her. As much as it hurt to keep the secret about her, it must have hurt much worse to be the secret. I used her, horribly, the world deserves to know what an asshole I am. She deserves to know how badly I feel for the way I've treated her."

Esme slid over to comfort her son.

"Edward dear, I agree that she should know how bad you feel but I don't think the forum of a public interview is the best route. Maybe you should wait, see how Emmett fares and then decide if a public apology is the best course of action."

"In the meantime, I think you should talk to someone about all this. I can find someone flexible who could use a computer or perhaps travel with you on tour?" Carlisle offered.

"Thanks Dad, but I've been looking for my own. I've met with a few but I haven't found one that fits with me yet. And I think it's something I need to do for myself." Edward had seen four different therapists. He didn't like any of them.

"There's much more to the story you told, isn't there?" Esme asked.

With a defeatist sigh, Edward nodded.

"I was so stupid. She never did anything but be kind to me and I shit all over that kindness. I could blame age, but she's much younger. I could blame circumstance, but I had everything I could want and she had next to nothing. She gave and I took and took and took. But when I get to talk with her, I know she's going to solve everything. She's going to help me be a better man,and I'm going to work my ass off to make it up to her." Edward had a gleam in his eye the likes of which his family hadn't seen in years, decades even.

Jasper didn't hold back. Everyone else was coddling him, allowing him his delusions.

"What if she wants nothing to do with you? Have you ever thought about that? What if she's happy and settled with no room for the guy who fucked her around years ago?" he demanded of Edward.

"Then I'll let her be. I'll say my apologies, make sure she gets the money owed her and leave her alone. But I want to hear it from her, not from Rose or Emmett. I need to hear it from Bella herself."

"You're sure you can handle that? If she tells you to fuck off, you'll go?" Jasper asked skeptically.

"What other choice do I have, Jasper? Stalk her? No, I know I've done enough, I'm not going to push it too far this time. I promise." Edward proclaimed. This time, if she allowed him, he would listen and follow her lead.

"What do you want out of all this? How do you see things happening with her if you do get to meet? You must have some scenarios in mind." Alice chimed in.

"No, I haven't really allowed myself to think about that yet." Edward sighed.

Alice was at a loss. She knew nothing of all of this. She had no idea about Bella. They were friends but they weren't that close. Bella had never said one word against Edward, not now and not even in the past. Alice couldn't imagine not sharing that kind of thing with friends. It was too big not to share with others.

Alice had always thought the rift between her and Edward came from long before the band took off. She thought that Edward had started distancing himself from her and their parents around the time her ex cut her face. She thought he was aloof because of the time their parents devoted to her.

Alice resented Edward for the way he acted but didn't waste much time or energy worrying about him. She concentrated on her own life. And it was a damn good life. She had a great husband, a fulfilling career and loving parents.

Part of her started to get angry with Bella for her role in her family's disintegration. If Bella had only told her what Edward had done, it would have been easier to understand. If Alice had known about the songs, if she had guessed based on the cute one Bella had written for her, then that could have gone a long way into repairing her relationship with her brother. She could have forced Edward back into the family fold and made him be present in her life. She could have made him see what a dick he was being to everyone. They would have fought, but they also would have cleared the air and started anew.

Why wouldn't Bella stand up for herself and claim her rights if the songs were hers, anyway? Why did she let Edward treat her the way he did? Alice learned the hard way and she had gotten herself out of the cycle. She didn't understand why Bella would allow Edward to treat her like shit. She did remember what Bella said when questioned about moving away. Bella had said things came up and it was time for her to move on. No other explanation was given and Alice put it out of her mind. She had been so busy at the start of that semester anyway, Jasper had taken her on a mini-vacation and they had missed the first few days of school. She wasn't taking any courses Bella might have taken, so she didn't think anything of not seeing her for at least three weeks into the year. They started an email friendship after that. There were visits once in awhile but it didn't ruin Alice's life to have Bella move away. If anything, it made them closer. Rose took it much harder, but then they were better friends.

Most of her knew that blaming Bella was cruel, Bella most likely was trying to be kind by not saying anything. But there was a tiny part that wanted to scream at her for keeping secrets like this. To yell at her for allowing Edward to steal and plagiarize and ruin what Jasper had built, what they all had built. It made her wonder...if Bella could keep something like that from them, what else could she be keeping secret?

Three days later and half a continent away, Bella replied to Emmett's email.

 **AN: The song that comes to mind for this chapter, the ultimate (in my humble opinion) angry chick song (I mean chick in the nicest possible way) - Nancy Sinatra's " _These Boots Are Made For Walking"_ It has more to do with Rosalie than with Bella, but I can imagine a secret smile on Bella's face every time she hears it. So, throw it on youtube and frug away, if you know how.**

 **I also have an outtake for the conversation Rosalie and Emmett have after she storms off if anyone is interested. Thank you for reading. You make my heart sing.**


	19. Outtake

**I'm just playing with it, I know I don't own it and I'm _so_ not profiting from it.**

 **JulieToo and Beachcomberlc worked their magic, I may have messed with it after, but it was pretty when they finished.**

Outtake for Chapter 17

Emmett caught up with Rosalie. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest glaring at the elevator as if willing it to open. Emmett pressed the down button. Twice, just in case. He didn't say anything to her as they waited. When the bell signalled its arrival, he stood back to let her go in first.

"I get it now, it all makes sense." Emmett said quietly as the elevator doors closed. Rosalie leaned her head back against the back wall.

"What? Edward and Bella? Shit, no, none of that makes sense to me. I'm going to have a serious heart-to-heart with that girl as soon as possible. I've got too many questions." Rosalie gently thumped her head against the panelling.

"Not them, you. You never date, you never bring guys around and you're alone all the time unless you're with us. I get it now." Emmett shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor.

Rosalie sucked in a sharp breath. She was afraid that Emmett may have discovered her secret.

"What do you 'get'?" she asked reluctantly.

"You've been stuck on Edward all these years. Like you said, he broke your heart. You've been in love with him and he didn't notice or return it, so you've been pining away for him all along." Saying the words aloud hurt both in the speaking and in the hearing.

Rosalie allowed a weird strangled kind of noise out that Emmett mistook for a sob. Her hands flew to her face and covered it. She wondered how he could be so completely clueless. Emmett walked over to her and put his arms around her. He made hushing noises and tried to comfort her as best he could. He liked Rose, he liked her a lot. But history and his father's adamant teachings told him not to trust beautiful women. Beautiful women break you faster than any other kind of woman. Sure, they're great to look at, but if you want real love, real romance, chose a woman who's less attractive. Choose a woman who won't get stolen away from you by a more handsome man. Like the karaoke song he always sang said, "Get an ugly girl to marry you."

Emmett mother had been a beauty, a head turner, and she ran off as soon as she could, leaving Emmett's dad to raise him alone. She came back a few times and played with his emotions. He did the best he could, but he was bitter and grew to hate his ex-wife. He raised his son to hate her and all pretty women as well. Emmett had a string of relationships but none of them were serious. Towards the end, he'd start to see his lover in a different light, she'd start to change, her features would become more and more pleasing. Once he realized that he was yet again dating who his father would call dangerous, he found a way to break it off.

Between relationships, sometimes late at night, Emmett would think about Rosalie and curse the fact that she was so very beautiful. She would be perfect for him in every other manner. But his ingrained distrust won out.

Rosalie shocked him by doubling over with laughter. She had to clench her thighs and cross them to keep herself from tinkling a little bit with the force of her laughter. Emmett stood back and looked at her like she was crazy. Rose was able to pull herself together just enough before the elevator doors opened on the main floor. As she walked away from the still confused Emmett, using her best catwalk strut, she turned her head and shocked him even further by speaking over her shoulder.

"I haven't been pining for Edward, you dolt. I've been in love with you for years."

Rosalie then got into a waiting taxi and left Emmett in the lobby, astounded.

 **AN: So, wow, you guys do not like Alice at all. Hopefully this little aside with Rosalie and Emmett takes some of the sting out. The song for this is Emmett's favourite** **Jimmy Soul's " _If You Want To Be Happy_ ".**

 **Thank you so much for reading.**


	20. Chapter 20

**I do not own Twilight. If you honestly thought I did, seek medical help.**

 **Two of my favourite Americans, JulieToo and Beachcomberlc, worked tirelessly on this chapter to make it fit for human consumption. Wonderful women they are; smart, sassy and generous. I am in their debt.**

 **ipsitac77 made the most beautiful banner for this story. She won't let me send her chocolates as a thank you, so I'll have to settle for thanking her here.**

Chapter 18

In the present...

Edward,

I'll be attending your concert next week. I'll be staying at the Sheraton downtown if you'd like to meet. Emmett has mentioned, several times, that you want to talk to me. I'm not really sure why you want to see me, but I'm amenable. Let me know when you're in town and available and I'll send you my room number.

Bella

Edward hesitated in front of the closed door. He had read and reread her message so many times in the last week. It said so little, but so much at the same time. She was willing to see him. She was there, inside that room waiting for him. It wasn't the first time she'd waited for him, but hopefully it would be the last. If he could just get up the courage to knock on the door. He raised his fist to knock and noticed that it was propped open a bit.

After a few deep breaths he slowly pushed it open to find her. Bella's back was to him and she was swaying from side to side. Her hair was much shorter than he remembered. He quietly cleared his throat before speaking. She turned then and in her arms was a young girl with hair almost the same colour as Bella's. The child's eyes were closed and one hand loosely gripped Bella's shirt. Bella's glasses were much different than the plain wire rims she used to wear; they were heavier and framed her eyes in such a way that they looked bigger than he remembered. She was beautiful but he only had eyes for the girl she was holding.

Edward felt as though his lungs evaporated and there was no air left in his body. Is that—? Could that be—? His brain could not formulate a complete thought.

"Edward," Bella said softly, "how are you?" She glanced down at the sleeping child and then moved to put her on the couch. When she stood, she walked over to Edward, still standing in the doorway, and held out her right hand.

Shake hands? She wants to shake hands? After all this time, after everything he's been through, the pain and torment of the search for her, the hell he put himself through before he even decided to look for her? Here she was, nonchalantly holding out her hand as if nothing happened. Who the hell was the kid? She looked to be about five and Edward counted back in his head. She could be...she might be...possibly be...his.

"Who is she?" He nodded his head toward the sleeping child.

No hello, no pleasantries, no anything he had been practising in his head for the last two months. Straight to the accusations and straight to treating her like shit, just as before.

"Heidi? She's the reason I left. Well, not at first, but she became the main reason in the end." She turned back and smiled lovingly at the little girl.

"Why didn't you tell me? Or anyone else? How could you keep this to yourself, Bella?" He hissed.

"Why would I tell you? You made it very clear just how little I mattered in your life. Remember, New Year's Eve? Remember our entire 'relationship'? You never even tried to find me all these years. Why would I bother myself with a guy who couldn't give a rat's ass about me? And anyway, it was none of your business; she isn't any of your business. She's my concern." She threw back at him in a biting whisper.

"Is she mine?"

"I really hope not...wait you think...fuck. That's what you think of me? That I would keep your child from you, from your family just because you broke my heart? Shit, Edward, still so arrogant. You think yourself so important that some chick you fucked around would spend her entire life with a part of you and not let you know. Just because you kept me as your dirty secret I would keep your child as mine. Get off your high horse Edward. You're not that special." There were flashes of emotion he had never seen in her eyes before. He had seen her happy, sad, aroused and dejected. He had never seen anger or utter disappointment from her like this before. It made him feel about an inch tall.

Bella picked up the girl and took her into the bedroom of the suite. When she came out, she closed the door enough to muffle some of the shouting that was surely about to start.

"Well, who is she?" He was feeling petulant and not yet ready to fall begging for forgiveness at her feet.

"My friend Angela's little girl. She's in the adjoining room resting. I brought Heidi over here with me because she loves your band and she wants to meet you." Bella paused to gather her thoughts. When she started again she was calmer.

"Angela was staying with me over Christmas break before I moved away. I brought her to your party to introduce her, but I heard what you and the guys were saying so we left. I know you got my present, I've heard them on the radio. You've done well for yourself. I'm glad. I love some of the arrangements. You took a few of them in a direction I hadn't thought of when I wrote them, but they really work that way. Good for you." He could tell that she was trying to steer the conversation to the music.

"But those lyrics were a gift to you, Edward. Why have you been looking for me? When I first heard them on the radio I was happy for you, you got what you wanted after all. Why bring me back into it? Or do you need more? You know there are other songwriters out there and other ghostwriters. You don't need me, Edward. Or is that why you wanted to see me? To rub it in that you made it and I didn't, as far as you know anyway. Just because yours are the only songs I have being produced doesn't mean I'm unsuccessful. I am, very, just not in music." She sat heavily into one of the armchairs and crossed both her arms and her legs while staring at him as her temper started to rise again.

"God, you bring out the worst in me, Edward. I only came here because I found out you were looking for me. I came here to tell you to back off. You don't need to worry about me, Edward. You didn't break me. I'm not crying my days away pining after you."

Edward had had enough. He couldn't listen to her anymore. She was lying, she had to be, right?

"Just stop, Bella, please. Stop trying to pick a fight. I'm not leaving until we settle this. I confessed to the guys that you wrote the lyrics to all of our songs. Legally, we owe you lots of money for your intellectual property. You deserve the credit, you always did, and I wanted to find you and make sure you got what you were owed." He sat in the chair across from her.

"I don't want your money Edward. I don't want anything from you. I never did"

"It's a lot of money Bella. It could make a big difference in your life. And you deserve it."

"Trust me, Edward, I got all I deserved from you already. Have your lawyers draw up papers to say that I gave them to you. I'll sign them if it'll make you feel better, but I don't want your fucking money."

"But you dropped out of school. You could go back and get your degree, or get a house or something."

"Oh my god. You think—damn. It's like that All-American-Rejects song Gives You Hell. That song makes me think of you everytime I hear it. I can just picture you gloating over your success, rubbing it in that you're a big rockstar using my words. You think I'm struggling, living in some small crappy apartment fighting to live like before. It never entered your mind that I could have been just fine without you. You're not the first man to break my heart, Edward and I'm sure you won't be the last. But I haven't spent the last few years in a puddle waiting for you to come back to me. I graduated with honours. I have a job, friends and a condo. I even get fucked once in awhile. I have lots of money, Edward; I don't need yours, like I said."

Edward just sat there, dumbfounded. She was so different from the girl he had built in his mind or the girl he knew back then. She was formidable, strong and ballsy, and he wanted to see more of her.

Bella stood up and started pacing around the room, clearly agitated.

"This is not how I saw this going..." Edward mumbled just loud enough for Bella to hear. She responded to his musings.

"I know, right? I was supposed to be grateful that the big music star wanted to see me and then he'd offer me money to help with my pathetic life. Perhaps you'd even get a blow job out of it before I crawled back out of your life, happy that I got the chance to see you again in person. Was that what you pictured, Edward?"

"Fuck, no Bella. I changed. I changed a lot and I should have guessed that you would, too. But, yeah, I pictured you as I knew you then. I could only ever imagine you in a crappy apartment. I guess I assumed that you dropped out of school for good. I didn't think that you would go to school somewhere else. I got caught up in my own life. All I knew was that I ruined everything and made you leave. I know I treated you like shit time and again. I wanted you to know I'm not that man anymore. I wanted to apologize and earn your forgiveness. The money was a ruse. If you wanted nothing to do with me then at least I could give you what I owed you. I do owe you, Bella. You're the reason the band is successful. Without your words we would still be a shitty little cover band playing dive bars. You took us to the next level and beyond. Without you, we're nothing. I'm nothing. I wanted to confess it to the world, but the label won't let me. I feel like I stole your words from you and profited from them. Add that to everything else and I've been a fucking mess for years, since you left, really. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"Relax, Edward, I didn't leave because of you. Well, not just because of you. I'm no longer a starving student with a shitty job. So there, you're absolved. Send the paperwork and the songs are exclusively yours."

She walked over the door and reached to open it.

"Don't— please, Bella. Don't kick me out." He stood as if to stop her but was unable to make his feet walk over to her.

"You got what you needed Edward, there's not a whole lot left to say, is there?"

"There is. There's a lot left to say if you'll let me."

"I really can't believe that. You didn't care about me then and now, all of a sudden you do? I call bullshit, Edward."

"It's not bullshit and I did care, I cared a lot but I was too stuck up my own ass to realize it. I didn't know just how much until you were gone. Why did you go, Bella? I know how I was then and what I did, but why did you leave? There had to be more to it than that. You were always tough, tough enough not to let me run you out of town. Please tell me."

"Angela got hurt and it was my fault. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital. When I finally made it back to my place there was nothing, no messages, no emails or voicemails, no sign that you even noticed I'd been gone. There was not one word about the notebook or the poems I had given you. It felt like I had nothing to keep me there, so I went with Angela and changed schools. Heidi came along nine months later and I've helped raise her."

She ran her hands over her face. Heidi began to stir in the other room, humming quietly to herself.

"Is that enough, Edward? Do you need anything more from me? Because I'm done. I've given you everything you wanted. There's nothing more. I'd like you to go now, but I promised Heidi she could meet you. Do you think you could fake it enough to make a little girl happy before you go?"

He didn't know what to think or feel. He knew if he didn't do something this was the end and he hated it, but he had no idea how to reach her. He was smart enough to know not to press it further today. He'd found her and he wasn't going to let her slip through his fingers again.

"Of course, Bella, I'd love to meet Heidi."

 **AN: Songs for this chapter are " _Iris_ " by The Goo Goo Dolls and Gives You Hell by All-American-Rejects. Thank you so much for reading. Your response to last week's chapter and outtake blew me away. You make me so happy.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer, beachcomberlc, JulieToo and ipsitac77 are the women to whom I owe a great deal of thanks and admiration.**

Chapter 19

In the present…

The large bouquet of flowers hid the card addressed to the recipient, but the card on the box of chocolates had a different name written in a bold, looping script. Against her better judgement, Bella opened the card addressed to her. A single sheet of folded paper fell to the floor and she stooped to pick it up.

 _Bella,_

 _Thank you for meeting with me yesterday. It was wonderful to see you again. But I'm sorry. Yet again, I didn't listen to you, I just reacted to my own misguided thoughts and ruined everything. Please give me another chance to see you. I promise this time things will be different. But I will respect your wishes if you say no. Just think about it, please. You have my contact numbers if you need to find me._

 _I really enjoyed meeting Heidi. She's a very sweet girl and she sure does know a lot about me and the band. I was really shocked at her knowledge. I hope Angela doesn't mind my sending her flowers. Thank you for introducing me to her. I've arranged to have your seats upgraded for tonight's concert and for a backstage tour for Heidi so she can meet the band._

 _I look forward to your reply,_

 _Edward_

Bella scoffed at the card and looked at the folded sheet of paper. It was instructions for the backstage tour passes. She gave the flowers a sniff before taking them next door to Heidi. She gave the paperwork to Angela because she was the only one who would need it, Bella did not need or want a pass..

If it hadn't been for Heidi being so entranced by the band, Bella wouldn't be here, about to go to an Uncovered concert. Not at all. Heidi had begged and pleaded to go when she heard that they would be performing nearby.

Not that Bella didn't love the band and enjoyed their music. She did. But there was always a little twinge of heartache that accompanied hearing them, in name or song. You never forget your first love, especially if your first love fucked you over so badly it made you reluctant to try again.

Bella had lied to him yesterday, slightly. There hadn't been anyone else in all those years. Mind you, she had been very busy with school, Angela and Heidi. She hadn't the energy nor the inclination to open her heart to another man, or her legs for that matter. She had a special, bedside drawer with contents that made her so satisfied, she didn't really feel the need to date.

It was the way she found out about Heidi that made her feel responsible for the entire situation. It might have been the culmination of the past few months with Edward and the band that helped make her decision to leave town and transfer schools. Or it could have been the money that was the tipping factor. It's hard to tell. But whichever reason it was that led her away, it ultimately brought her back to him through Heidi.

When she woke up on the couch early that New Year's Day, starving, she didn't know where Angela was or why she wasn't back with food yet. She grabbed her phone and listened as Angela's own phone chimed happily across the room. The Thai place couldn't have been that busy, even on New Year's Eve, although they didn't answer when she tried them. She left a note on the table and jogged the three blocks to the restaurant. At 2 A.M. they were still packed with half-drunk partiers. Bella checked through the crowd but couldn't find Angela. The harried man at the counter couldn't remember seeing her either, it was just too busy to remember anyone. Bella walked slowly home, checking all around for any sign of Angela. There wasn't any, so she went home to wait. Bella paced her apartment for three hours before her phone rang in her hand, making her jump. A very tired sounding nurse told Bella that Angela had been in an accident and was being admitted to University hospital. Angela had been awake long enough to give the hospital Bella's name and number, as well as permission to discuss the situation with Bella.

Bella grabbed her emergency twenty dollar bill and called a taxi. The trip to the hospital was horrid. The cab smell like pine cleaner and vomit. The driver talked too much and managed to hit every pothole on the road. Bella tried very hard not to let her panic escalate and imagine horrific scenarios involving Angela's injuries. An eternity later she arrived at the hospital and rushed in to find her friend.

A very kindly and helpful desk clerk pointed her in the right direction. Angela was still in the emergency room which was packed with New Year's Eve injuries. Bella was able to snag the attention of a nurse who showed her to Angela's bed. Angela was sleeping with her head tilted to one side. There was an angry scrape across her forehead and cheek, a dark red mark through her upper lip. Her left leg was propped up and in a snowy white cast. Her right leg was covered by a blanket, but looked at least twice its regular size. There was a large bandage covering Angela's right hand. She was hooked up to several machines beeping quietly and rhythmically. It was all Bella could do not to cry out at the sight of her friend in such a condition.

She took off her coat, lay it over the back of the chair at Angela's side and sat to watch over her until she woke. Bella let the tears fall as she came to the realization that Angela would not be in this condition, she wouldn't be hurt and in the hospital if it weren't for her. Her breakdown, her broken heart that caused Angela to be out crossing the street by herself to get comfort food for them. If she hadn't let Edward affect her the way he did, Angela wouldn't have been hit by a car while crossing the street. She allowed the self-serving irrational feelings of guilt to overtake her until Angela began to stir. She knew Angela wouldn't blame her, but she permitted the shame to wash over her.

Nurses came and went, checking on Angela frequently. Each had a small smile for Bella but went about their work with grace and precision, taking care not to wake the patient. One of the machines started to beep a little louder and faster as Angela's eyelids fluttered. Bella tried to calm and soothe her. When Angela was fully awake another nurse came in to assess her status. Angela was going to be moved to a bed in another department for further observation. With Angela's permission, while they waited for transport, the nurse filled Bella in on Angela's injuries.

The car hit her left side, dislocating her right knee and breaking her left tibia. Her concussion was mild, the scrape to her face was superficial and wouldn't leave a scar. The gash in her hand was minor although it would most likely leave some scarring. Overall, there was nothing serious or life threatening but with the pregnancy being in the early stages, there was very little they could give Angela in the way of pain relief.

Bella's head whipped around to see tears form in Angela's eyes.

"Oh honey, you're pregnant?" Bella whispered.

Angela nodded.

"They told me I'm about 10 weeks. I didn't know." Angela broke down in sobs. The nurse slid out of the room. Any other information about Angela's injuries could wait until she had been comforted by her friend.

Angela cried on Bella's shoulder for a long time. It took her a while to pull herself together enough to voice her concerns. They talked about her fears, her options and her wants. Her main concern was financial. With school-aged twins at home, her parents were tapped out. Angela's scholarship would most likely be rescinded because of the semester she would have to take off. With two injured legs, hospital fees and then rehab, there was no way she could keep her part-time job or get a new one. Ben's family was not wealthy. His college education was being paid for by the military and he made a commitment to serve after he earned his degree. Due to the timing, the baby would be only a few months old when Ben would be leaving for extended training. Angela didn't want to get married just because she was pregnant, although Ben's medical benefits would really be an asset. There were too many problems to face and not enough solutions. Ben was driving in as soon as he could and they would work out the details together. Angela just needed a willing ear to express all her concerns. Bella stayed as long as she could without getting in the nurse's way. She was back first thing in the morning with a sheaf of previously forgotten papers, a vitamin-rich smoothie, a plan and a big smile.

Bella's reminiscing was interrupted by Heidi screaming her name through the closed door. It was time to go to the concert. It was time to see Edward and the band perform her words for the first time. She had seen them in rehearsal a few times before she moved, but never in a real venue with lights and staging and fans.

Heidi was as excited as could be. She chattered on and on about meeting Edward yesterday and what songs they might hear during the concert. She squealed when they arrived and were met by security. She jumped up and down when she was given her backstage pass kit. She was so excited she didn't even notice that Bella wasn't wearing one, just her mom and her.

The venue was small, but there was an electric feeling buzzing about the room. They were shown their seats in a box off to the side. Heidi settled into the middle seat and bounced until the band took the stage. They played all the fan favourites plus a few of the covers that helped get them noticed. Edward glanced at their box often, but always kept the melody going from behind his keyboard. Jasper strutted around the stage as Rose and Emmett played their hearts out with smiles on their faces. Heidi sang along for the entire concert, an hour and twenty minutes, screaming and cheering during the breaks. As the concert wound down, Jasper led the band in thanks to the crew, the venue and the crowd. They had barely stepped off stage before the cries of "Encore!" started. The crowd shouted for seven minutes before the band took the stage again, minus Edward. Rosalie took Edward's place at the keyboards as Jasper placed a stool in front of her and called for silence. Emmett took Rose's place behind the drum kit. It was highly unusual, while they all sang, they didn't switch instruments.

When Jasper got the quiet he wanted, he sat on the stool and addressed the audience.

"We tied Edward up in the dressing room so Rosie and I could sing a little something for him. I hope you don't mind. Now, we didn't write this but it's been striking a chord with us lately. This is Let Her Go, Jasper smiled into the microphone.

The audience cheered, screamed, and stomped their feet. Rosalie began softly playing a tinkling, lilting melody. Jasper joined in by singing a song of regret, loss and poorly-timed realisations. Rosalie had her eyes closed as she played. Jasper watched the audience, paying special attention to the box seats. The audience sang along as it was a popular song they had all heard before, just not sung like that with single piano and different pitch.

 _'You see her when you close your eyes_

 _Maybe one day you'll understand why_

 _Everything you touch surely dies'_

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella could see Edward standing in the wings, his hands clenched into fists at his side. The pained look on his face reminded her of the anger he used to show her. She had reached her limit. She gave Heidi a kiss on the top of her head, whispered goodnight to Angela and made her way out of the box. While waiting at the coat check, she jumped when a hand was placed on her shoulder. Reluctantly she turned.

"Why, Bella?" Alice demanded.

Bella was taken aback. She hadn't anticipated this kind of questioning and definitely not from Alice.

 **AN: Song lyrics taken from Passenger's _"Let Her Go"_ , written by Michael David Rosenberg**

 **Let Her Go lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC**

 **So, I'm sorry I gave many of you the impression that Angela was attacked, I had toyed with the idea but there is already too much icky in the world. Angela is such a good, kind character, a hit-and-run is about the worse I can bring myself to do to her (in this story). Bella's response to Edward asking if he was the father was meant to be flippant, because there is no way he could be. Heidi is Angela and Ben's daughter. I promise.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	22. Chapter 22

**I don't own Twilight. Shocking new, I know.**

 **Beachcomberlc and JulieToo helped me to see the error of my ways with this chapter. Trust me, there were many errors and if you should find anymore, that's my fault. I just couldn't leave well enough alone.**

 **IpsitaC77 made a gorgeous banner for this story.**

Chapter 20

In the present...

"I don't understand why, Bella? Why you didn't stand up for yourself and tell us that you wrote the songs? After all these years you let him use you. You let us go on thinking he was something he wasn't. Do you know what will happen when this gets out? Do you have any idea how many people will be adversely affected?" Alice's tone changed during her questioning from demanding to plaintive. She wanted Bella to be a strong, independent woman who wouldn't let a man run roughshod over her. She had been so proud of Bella for the business she had built, how she had tapped into a niche market and filled a consumer need effortlessly. Bella had showed Alice a keen business mind, a mind Alice strove for herself, and she didn't like the idea that Bella had just allowed Edward to steal from her, unpunished.

Bella looked at Alice for a long time before answering.

"Alice, when you give someone a present, do you tell them how to use it? Or demand that they only use it one way and not another? Do you shout out 'I gave you that' every time you see them with it?" Bella waited but Alice didn't respond.

"I have many reasons but it mostly boils down to not wanting to upset an already functioning unit. I'm not going to get between family. Family is the most important thing in the world. He's your brother, Alice, I'm just a friend from college. Who am I to get between you two? Over something as trivial as song lyrics?"

Alice was silent. She was listening, but couldn't bring herself to respond.

"I told him to draw up papers giving him sole rights to the songs. I was never going to tell anyone, anyway." Bella kept her tone even and calm. There was visible relief on Alice's face.

"I'm tired, Alice. It's been an emotionally draining day and I'd like to go back to the hotel to rest. I'll call you soon, I promise. We'll go back to the way we were before all this; like it never happened. That's all I want." Bella leaned over and gave Alice a peck on her unscarred cheek. Alice grabbed her into a big hug. She wasn't a physically demonstrative person and she usually kept her emotions reined in, but she couldn't help but feel affection and admiration for Bella.

Alice watched her walk away. Bella had successfully taken the wind out of her sails and staunched any questions she had. She hadn't really answered in a way that Alice had considered appropriate, but Alice felt satisfied nonetheless.

Bella made it back to her suite and into a hot bath before the band finished its encore on stage. Angela was happy to escort Heidi to meet the band. Rosalie met them both a few times before this concert and helped introduce them to Jasper and Emmett. Once the crowd had thinned, Rosalie took Heidi onstage, introduced her to the crew and let her have a go at her drum set. Edward joined them and showed Heidi his keyboards. Angela stood to the side and watched her daughter interact with Edward. She didn't like him. She didn't trust him. However, her feelings were irrelevant, she didn't want to ruin this experience for Heidi. She was loathe to do so, but she held her tongue and put an indulgent smile on her face.

Heidi quickly tired of the stage so Rosalie took her hand and led her back to the dressing room. Edward managed to catch Angela's attention long enough to ask his burning question.

"Where's Bella? I thought she'd come backstage with you?" He looked so hopeful, scared but hopeful.

"Would you? Think about it. Would you really want to spend time with the person who ripped your heart out, pissed on it and screwed you over? You know, hang out with them socially and pretend nothing ever happened? Could you do that?" Angela didn't wait for his answer. She stormed through the dressing room door but gathered herself on the other side so Heidi wouldn't see her so angry.

She managed to wrangle Heidi into a waiting car eventually and get her back to the hotel. It seemed like hours before Heidi dropped mid-sentence and fell asleep. Angela opened the adjoining door and helped herself to a glass of wine and the box of chocolates Edward had sent. Bella was slowly working on her second glass and was happy to have her friend join her.

"She's going to sleep in tomorrow, isn't she?" Bella said of Heidi. Angela snorted.

"At least seven minutes, maybe eight." No matter what time Heidi went to bed she woke up at six-thirty the next morning. With all the excitement and being up five hours past bedtime, Angela could only dream that Heidi would sleep in, but she knew it was a pipe-dream. They both laughed at the idea.

The mood turned somber as they sipped their wine.

"He asked about you." Angela offered, trying to get Bella to talk.

"I'm not surprised. I just wish I could figure out what he wants without having to see him again. I get phenomenally stupid when I'm with him. There is something about his presence that scrambles my brain."

"Bella, honestly, I don't think it's your brain that is being scrambled. You still want him." Bella gave Angela a side-eye glare.

"No." Bella shook her head.

"Yes you do. Whatever it is that drew you to him in the first place hasn't changed. There's still a want there." Angela wanted nothing more than to see her friend happily in love, even if it was to be happily in love with a tool she'd like to castrate.

"You may be right but I don't think it's the kind of want you think it is. I don't want him romantically. I don't want him sexually." Bella said emphatically.

"You're not over him, are you? I didn't think so. You never bring anyone home, Bella. You don't date often and then only once or twice with the same guy.. I see you almost all day every day; you don't even have time for a quickie with one of the delivery guys. Have you sworn off sex and romance because of Edward? If that's true then you and I need to have a wee chat about feminism and latex," Angela stated while taking a big drink. Bella was one of the last people in the world that needed a chat about female empowerment.

Bella snorted into her glass.

"If I wanted a man I'd find one, but I'm a little wary after all of my other experiences. Plus, as you know I've been busy, way too busy to waste time on a guy." Angela nodded. Bella had spent the last few years finishing school with high honours and an MBA. She looked after Heidi when Ben was away and helped Angela finish her own degree. She then started a business that employed many people and did a lot of charitable work. Angela had to admit that if she hadn't already been with Ben she probably wouldn't have had time for a relationship herself the last few years. But now, Heidi was starting school, the business was flourishing and the management and staff ran it so well, Bella and Angela needn't be there so often. Now was the time to find Bella companionship, but not if the ghost of Edward stood in the way.

"I'm twenty-four years old, Angela. Most guys my age are just finishing school and starting careers. I've done that already. I want someone who will take me seriously as a person." Bella finished her wine and placed the empty glass on the table beside her. She stretched out so she could rest her feet on the coffee table. She laced her hand together behind her head. Angela continued the conversation.

"And if you find that someone? I still think there's some part of the whole Edward-thing standing in your way that you need to deal with." Angela helped herself to the last of the wine.

"I dove headlong into a one-sided relationship with Edward. I need time to figure out what I want, who I want before I let myself fall again. I am not going to put myself into the position I was in before, I'm not going to let myself be vulnerable to that kind of heartbreak again. I just won't allow it. I'm going to find someone and let them chase after me this time. I'm going to make sure they're all-in before I let myself go."

Angela looked over at her friend and burst out laughing.

"You keep telling yourself that, Bella, but it won't happen. You think you're this tough, hardened woman who is in control of her heart but I think that there is still that seventeen-year-old girl inside you who is desperate to be in love and to be loved in return. And until you really, really let go of Edward, that little girl is not going to be satisfied."

Bella scowled at Angela. She walked over to the mini-fridge and grabbed another bottle of wine. She grabbed a clean glass and then filled it. She left the bottle by the fridge so Angela would have to get up and get her own fresh glass if she wanted one.

"Your pep-talks suck, Ange. Did you know that?"

Bella settled on the couch again. After a long few minutes' contemplation she spoke.

"You're right, I'm not over him. But not in the way you think. I'm not over what he did to me. I'm not over the hurt he caused." It wasn't hard for her to admit aloud what she knew in her heart.

Angela sobered up quickly, the conversation was no longer amusing.

"I still need something from him. I don't think I'd be able to be in a real relationship until I get that. But he's so caught up in the lyrics and the legalities, he's missing what he's really done. By the sounds of the verbal beat-down I got from Rose, the sad lecture from Emmett and the questions from Alice, Edward never mentioned anything other than the songs. Not that I really blame him. I guess it was never a relationship to begin with, well, not for him. He was never as invested in me as I was in him."

"Oh Bella." Angela wanted to hug her friend, to tell her that everything would be fine and work out in the end, but she didn't want to lie to her, either. She had no idea what was going to happen from now on. Edward could be happy just to get the rights and might go back to pretending that Bella did not exist.

Bella didn't cry; she didn't even tear up. The time for crying over Edward was long gone. Her heart, though bruised and battered, was well on the road to repair. She would not allow herself be hurt by him ever again.

"I fell in love with that asshole. I shouldn't have; rationally I knew that, but I did anyway. I kept thinking I could change him. Maybe if I gave and gave, eventually he would stop taking. I was right there for him the whole time and he never saw me, he never knew me and he definitely never listened to me." Bella got lost in memories, as painful as they were.

"I need for him to see me, just once, and then I can let him go." She let the sentence just hang there for a moment before saying her good nights to Angela and going off to bed.

 **AN: Thank you for reading. Not feeling chatty tonight, forgive me.**


	23. Chapter 23

**I claim no rights to the Twilight Universe.** **Beachcomberlc, JulieToo and IpsitaC77 all helped to make this chapter.**

Chapter 21

Edward was far too keyed up after the concert to even think about going back to his hotel room to sleep. By the time Angela left with Heidi and the instruments and equipment were stored, all of the squealy, screechy fans were gone. At the back stage door there were a few local loyal fans who took a few pics, got their autographs and let Edward walk away unscathed. He pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt and walked downtown under cover of night until he found a park. He sat for a while, listening to the drone of the city before making his way to back. He did his very best not to think, especially about her, and let a tiny bit of the stress he was holding ebb away.

Edward's hotel suite was dark. He had forgotten to leave a light on in his hurry to get to the concert. He decided to leave himself in the dark for awhile longer. He found it soothing. He detoured from the main room and headed straight to the bathroom. He spent a long time in there, not just cleansing his body, but running through conversations he would like to have with Bella if he should get the chance to speak with her again in the near future. All of them started, and were liberally peppered with 'I'm sorry'. He had to find a way to make her believe that how genuinely sorry he is for everything and that he was eager to listen to her. He would do whatever she wanted from now on.

Words and phrases repeated in his mind. Some took on a cadence and worked themselves into a rhythm. He wondered if he were to put them on paper if Bella could make a song out of them. He never told her how in awe of her writing abilities he truly was, now that he was a bit wiser, more experienced in the music industry and able to appreciate them. Back when he thought he was King Shit he couldn't see just how remarkable she was. The years without her, the times he spent manipulating her words into something musically feasible for public consumption brought a new insight to him. She was a genius and he hadn't noticed until too late. If only he'd seen who had been in front of him when she was there. He didn't know until far too late the effect Bella had on him. He didn't notice until years later that the horny, obnoxious young man he'd been, always on the prowl, had vanished. He didn't date. He didn't hook-up anymore. He no longer entered a room and sought out the best babe to seduce. And, more astounding, he didn't miss it. He could have had any number of groupies or many other willing women. He knew he was wanted, but he wasn't interested. Edward wasn't incapable; almost every shower in hotel rooms he stayed all over the world could attest to that. He was still a man. But there had been no women that interested him in a sexual way for a long time. The longer it went on, his life without female companionship, the less he found he missed it. Sure, he'd tried a time or two when he had the time early on after she left. There wasn't much time but there were plenty of willing women, some demanding as well.

He never got as far as sleeping with them. Kissing, groping and fondling but never sex. It was different, nothing felt as good as it had once upon a time. It wasn't until years later he realised that the last time he'd had sex, real penetrative sexual intercourse, was with Bella. It never occurred to him to try to find someone else. To get over her by getting under someone else, or however that works for guys. His days were spent making music and his nights writing it. He didn't have time to fuck her out of his system once he realized she was still there.

Edward turned off the shower; he hadn't been cleaning, just standing there letting the water soothe him. He dried off and pulled on the sleep pants he'd left on the floor that morning. His towels were left in a pile in the tub. The maids would get them tomorrow after he checked out.

He padded into the main room, towel-drying his hair and damned near screamed like a little kid when he came across the outline of someone sitting on his bed. He screamed again when he saw someone sitting in one of the chairs by the window. They moved to turn the light on.

Jasper was sitting by the window and Alice was perched on Edward's unmade king size bed.

"You really are very observant, aren't you?" Alice complained as she scooted to the edge of the bed. "We both said 'Hi' when you walked in but you went straight to the bathroom. No way in hell either of us were going to go in there after you. As your little sister, there are some things I refuse to see or even think about. So, don't go getting pissy with us; we tried to warn you we were here." Alice stood up and walked over to him, kissed his cheek, then took a seat in her husband's lap.

"What are you doing here?" He growled at them, flinging the towel towards the bathroom door.

He sat on the corner of the bed waiting for his answer. When none came he asked a different question.

"How did you get into my room anyway?" Alice laughed and fished a keycard out of the back pocket of her jeans. The motion made Jasper moan which in turn made Edward feel a little ill.

He was happy for his sister and his friend, her husband, but there were things he just didn't want to imagine.

Alice tossed the card at Edward, who let it fall to the floor.

"I thought you gave up your pickpocket ways, Alice. Backsliding are we?"

"Just rediscovering old talents."

The silence was a fourth and uninvited guest in the room. For a while they stared at each other as if trying to communicate telepathically. Edward broke first.

"What do you want?" He sighed

"I ran into Bella while you were doing encores. She tells a much different story than you do, Edward. I know there's much more going on here than what you've said. I'd like the whole truth, please." Alice asked quietly.

"You don't act this way," Jasper pointed an accusing finger at Edward then began to play with a strand of Alice's hair. "The way you've been acting all this time over some lyrics, Edward. There's something far bigger going on here and until you resolve it, nothing will change for you. You've tried handling it on your own for too long. It's time to rely on your family now. Let us help you. Let us be there for you." Edward hadn't expected any sort of plea like that from any member of his family or the band, least of all from Jasper.

"What do you want, Edward? You have to ask yourself, in your heart of hearts, what do you want? What do you see happening now? You've met with her and you've admitted your wrongs. The band will forgive you eventually, especially once you've gotten you head out of your ass and we get back to the business of making music. Your family has already forgiven you. I don't know how Bella feels, but from what I could gather from her conversation with Alice, Bella is done with the situation. So, what is it you want?" Jasper continued.

Edward thought about it. The search for her was one thing, consuming and torturous but it was over now. He'd spoken with her, it ended horribly and nothing was resolved but they'd spoken; she'd been found. What happens now?

"It seems to me that you don't act like this if it's just about some poems. You could have hired a private investigator and a lawyer to find her. A person doesn't act this way, the way you've been acting over legalities and royalties. Are you going to tell us or leave us to wonder?" Jasper kept prodding him.

"I think you cared for her, possibly even loved her but it went wrong somehow. You know that song she wrote for Alice?" Jasper gave his wife on his lap a little squeeze. Edward sighed.

"She wrote one for me, too. I never shared it with anyone but Alice. One thing I can say about Bella, she understands heartbreak like no one else I've even known. She's shown us she understands joy, want, and pain through her words. I'm sure if I were to read the originals of her work I would find the very essence of unrequited love there. I think you had a hand in that. Knowing you as well as I do, I don't think you're entirely to blame, but you had a great deal to do with it." Edward started to pick at the threads of the bedspread between his thighs as he sat on the corner of his hotel room bed.

"I didn't realize the impact she'd had on my life until she was gone. If I'd opened my eyes and seen what, no, _who_ was in front of me, then everything would be so different. The band wouldn't be struggling and I would be happy. It did this to myself and to you. I know it's all my fault. I know what she could have given me if I took the time to listen to her. But I was too full of myself. You know, when we wrote those first songs it was so easy, so seamless. We worked well together, then we worked even better without me. She made it so effortless, so easy. She was pure talent and I took it for granted. Can you just imagine what she could have done, what she could have written if I'd encouraged her? If I'd given her a fraction of what she gave me? If I'd let her love me and loved her as she needed? Instead of nurturing, I neglected. I let my massive ego run all over her. From the very beginning I couldn't even get my own head out of my ass to remember her name. I used her for her talent, for her capabilities and, shit, eventually I used her for her body, too. Then I found out she was young. God, I was such an asshole. She was seventeen, Jasper. You remember Alice at seventeen? You remember _us_ at seventeen?" Edward scrubbed his hands over his face in memory.

"I pushed her away but she came back. If I was horrible to her before she met Alice, I was beyond cruel after. It's taken me years to come to terms with what I've done. It took years to remember everything. Going through her words, arranging them into songs was like being shown a movie over and over again. Experiencing my mistakes over and over again. But I couldn't let go because the songs were a part of her. The only part I had left."

"Man, you need to let her go. You've placed so much at her feet, it's impossible. You need to give her room and let her decide. But ask yourself, what do you want? Then, once you've found what that is, how are you going to get it?" Jasper spoke quietly.

 **AN: I'm not going to offer excuses or reasons for the delay in this story. It is what it is. I thank you for reading. I hope to have the next chapter ready for publishing in two weeks.**


	24. Chapter 24

**I don't own, I owe. Thanks to Beachcomberlc, JulieToo, IpsitaC77 for their help crafting this chapter. For Stephenie Meyer for conceiving these characters and allowing us to play with them.**

Chapter 22

"I want someone to love me like she did. And I want to love them like that too. I want her to love me again. I need to learn how." Edward stopped his thread picking and slumped forward, holding his head in his hands.

The three of them talked late into the night and a few decisions were made. There was a lot of work to be done. A fire was lit within Edward and with a goal in mind, he threw himself into action.

Alice arranged to meet with Bella before she left town. They met at the hotel bar where Bella was staying, not the most private, intimate place but Bella didn't care. If Alice was going to demean and belittle her again, she could do it where Bella could easily leave and go back to her room. She wasn't going to put extra effort into accommodating Alice.

The first thing Alice did when she saw Bella was cry. Alice seldom cried. The second thing was to order several drinks, Alice had a lot to say and needed liquid courage.

"Thank you for meeting me. I'm sorry I was awful to you the other day. I never should have spoken to you like that."

"No, you shouldn't have, but part of me understands. You were protecting Jasper and Edward. They're family." Alice didn't want her understanding, not yet anyway.

"I should have protected you, too. I shouldn't have attacked you for not defending yourself. I should have gone after Edward instead; I shouldn't have blamed the victim. I'm sorry. I had a long talk with Edward last night, actually Jasper and I did. It was long overdue."

"Oh?" Bella guessed that Edward told Alice everything. About their failed sort-of relationship, coloured of course to benefit him and painting her as the villain in some way.

"I'm not going to plead his case for him. But, he did tell us about how you first met and everything that happened. How he used you and treated you. I didn't know my big brother was capable of being such a dick."

She didn't know if she should laugh at this realization coming from Alice so she just listened as her friend continued.

"I believe he's sincere and contrite, but it's totally up to you if you want to see him again."

Bella interrupted.

"Alice, look. I don't need your permission or approval and I certainly don't need you advocating for him. I'm not the same little girl I was when I knew him. I don't think he ever really knew me . And I'm not sure if I want him to. Yes, he hurt my feelings but that was a long time ago. It's time to move on and get over the past. You need to as well. Don't push us together, Alice. Not if you want to continue being my friend."

Alice stared into her drink, wanting to say something but realizing Bella was right. It wasn't her job to bring them together. She needed to back off and keep her nose out of it.

"One more thing and then I'll stop, I swear. I think you should show him what you've built and who you've become. Please, for me. To bring him back and make him let go. Prove to him that he didn't break you irreparably. I know I have no right to ask you, but I am. For him and for all of us? Please?"

"Alice."

"I know what I'm asking for and I know what it could cost you. But I also know what it could bring you if you do it." There was no masking the pleading in Alice's eyes.

"I'll take it under consideration," was all Bella would concede to that day.

They sat talking for a long time about their lives and that fall when they met. Bella refused to tell Alice about her relationship with Edward. It was the past and Bella didn't want to dredge it all up again, nor did she want to disparage Edward to his sister and colour her opinion of him.

"Jasper and I had a huge laugh the other night. I'd stolen Edward's extra key card for his room. It was so easy and it brought me back to that summer. I learned the skill at the summer camp where I worked. There were some light-fingered kids there. They were the ones who could always supply stolen goodies from the kitchens. Edward had no idea I'd lifted it." Alice looked gleeful as she recounted the story.

"You're not going to start up again with the nicknames, are you? All of you, well except Edward and Jasper, picked up on it. It was bad enough having you and Rose calling me all these bird names but Emmett did, too. I really questioned wanting to be friends with you guys because of it. Duck, ducky, dove, chickie, goose, birdy. Almost every sentence had a weird avian nickname." Bella snorted her laughter.

Shit, that was annoying. Mom was the one who pointed it out and made me stop. It really was because of summer camp and my girls. Thank god that's over." Alice had to hold her stomach to help the ache from laughing.

"Not fully, Rose still calls me Chickie, but I can take it."

"Well, you know, it does kind of go with Swan. So, really it is all your fault for having a bird name."

"Yes, but I wasn't born a Swan, I became one later. Could you just imagine what you'd come up with if Charlie hadn't adopted me and I hadn't taken his name?"

"What was your name before?"

"Higginbotham."

"Oh, fuck."

The resulting laughing fit had restaurant management asking them politely to quiet down or possibly pay their bill and leave. It was wonderful for both of them to reconnect and renew their friendship with the hopes of keeping it up in the future.

A few weeks later, a series of brightly coloured envelopes went into the post. The four members of Uncovered, Alice Whitlock, and several key members of their road crew and management team were invited to a team-building event at The Mad Hatter's Tea Party whenever a break in the touring schedule could be arranged. Having had a couple of venues cancel due to lack of interest in smaller towns, they were able to arrange a time fairly quickly.

At the large, brightly coloured venue that housed whimsical parties for all ages, a cast member dressed as the White Rabbit gave them a tour and instructions. Everyone signed a waiver just in case of wild whipped cream injuries or such, then they were led to the dressing rooms. Rosalie and Emmett were assigned Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, Jasper was the Cheshire Cat, Alice was, of course Alice, and Edward came out of the dressing room costumed as a masculine Queen of Hearts. The crew and management portrayed various other characters, cards and so on. A cast member dressed as the Caterpillar, complete with bubble blowing hookah, supervised and led them through the experience. They were treated first to a buffet dinner featuring a giant caldron full of chilli, accompanied by every conceivable topping or condiment available.

The huge room was cleared as soon as the last spoon was licked and rearranged with huge pillows. Some people lounged and chatted, others wandered around looking at the very detailed murals on the walls. Music played in the background but only one person listened intently. The Caterpillar grew bored and began flinging water balloons at the guests as more crew members brought out cream pies and other tossable desserts. Within a few seconds, cream was flying everywhere. No one was spared. Cake was smeared over every face. Rock stars were reduced to sticky children. Industry professionals were rolling on the floor, ducking the volleys of powdered sugar bombs. They were all squealing and yelling to a sound level not often heard outside of a full stadium. They were wild and having a wonderful time letting go of the stress of working a tour.

Edward stood back as much as he could, watching what Bella was able to accomplish. He was amazed. Such a simple idea, yet complex at the same time. She brought a childlike joy to people and reminded them to play. The costumes, the food, the venue and the work behind it all was astonishing. That Bella was able to build this on her own in just a few years was almost incredible. He was having the best time he'd had in years watching his friends let loose and act like kids. He could only imagine the joy, the wonder an actual child would have in a room like this. Bella brought the whimsy of Lewis Carroll's world to life. If he hadn't been in awe of her before, he certainly was now. He knew he would have to work exceptionally hard to impress her and earn her forgiveness. But being here, seeing this, gave him a few ideas and solidified some of the ideas he'd already started.

After all the food was flung, the giddy guests were led to the changing rooms to shower. Once dressed in their own clothes, they were shown to a lounge where a bar was set up. The party continued there in a more sedate, grown-up manner. Bella joined them, making sure to speak to everyone to judge their experience. She saved Edward for last.

She approached him cautiously, as one would a feral animal. She didn't know how he would react to her. He was so mercurial when they had known each other before and she was rightly afraid. She tried hard not to let her fear show. She tried to exude an air of a confident business executive approaching a client. She must have done a good job, for the look he gave her was one of awe. It felt good to have him look at her that way, as if she were impressive and intimidating. She'd worked hard to earn the respect she was given.

"Thank you for inviting me. I'm very impressed with what you've built here. It's phenomenal, Bella." Edward hoped his sincerity came through. He didn't want any misunderstandings, not this time.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you had fun. This is my last corporate party so I wanted it to be special. Everyone seems pleased." She looked around at the small crowd, now in small groups, talking and drinking with smiles on their faces. When she turned back to face Edward she could see the questions in his eyes. He tried to ask but ended up stammering.

"Go ahead. Just blurt it out, Edward. You want to know how I could afford to do all of this." He nodded.

"See, I built this for Heidi. Now that it's established and turning a profit, I've signed it over to my co-founder Angela and her husband, Ben. When you knew me, I was waiting for the insurance policy and Charlie's benefits to come in. They wouldn't release anything to me until I was eighteen. I didn't fight for them until I found out Angela was injured and pregnant. I got enough to pay for her medical bills, our schooling and Heidi. I could have received the money a few months earlier, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could make it on my own without my parent's help. And I did. I may have lived in a shitty neighbourhood but I always had my rent paid and food on the table. Ben called it my starving student period."

"Is it too much for me to say I'm proud of you?"

"No," Bella laughed a little, "I'm proud of me, too. And I'm proud of Angela and Ben. He's adding a Virtual Reality room and some other high tech improvements. It should be enough to keep the business fresh for years to come." Bella finished her drink and looked up into his face. He was still as disgustingly handsome as ever. She was surprised at the easy nature of their conversation. It would be a great way to finally say goodbye. He'd seen what she built, knew she was capable and strong on her own. She'd let go of her past and him. All she needed to do was make it final by saying goodbye.

With her free hand on his shoulder, she stretched up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Edward for listening. I hope you fare well." She stepped back and started to walk away. He reached out to grab her arm, but thought better of it. He called her name, instead, to get her attention. He wasn't ready for this night to be over. He wasn't ready to let her go yet. Not without one last fight. And it would be the hardest fight of his life.

 **AN: For months I have neglected to thank Alice's White Rabbit for her help with some medical questions. It was rude of me and I am very sorry. Thank you for your expertise and willingness to help out at a moments notice, again.**

 **Songs for this chapter - Lesley Gore's " _You don't Own Me",_ Tom Petty's _"Don't Come Around Here No More",_ and Tom Petty's _"Free Falling"._ I'm sorely tempted to add Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" but I think that might be a bit too much.**

 **I've also failed at replying to reviews. I feel you've waited long enough for the conclusion of this story so I may be lax in responding to spend more time writing. Thank you for reading.**


	25. Chapter 25

**I gain nothing monetarily by posting this story.**

Chapter 23

"Bella? I'm leaving the band for awhile." He caught her attention and she turned back to him. "I'm only holding them back. They deserve better than me. You deserve better than me and I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I was so wrong." He continued.

There was nothing for Bella to say.

"I'm taking a leave of absence. The studio is shopping for some new songs on behalf of the band and perhaps a permanent songwriter. There are some other things in the works that haven't been finalized, so I'm not allowed to talk about them." Bella took another drink from a passing waiter's tray.

"I have no right to ask but you said you're leaving here, that this was your last party. What are your plans, Bella? What are you going to do now?"

"I haven't decided yet. I might travel for a while, I might go back to school or I might start a new business. I may just hole up on my couch and read for a year. Who knows, Edward. Why?"

"I know I've done far too much wrong to you in the past. I know I was an ass but I was hoping you would allow me to try to be better. I was wondering if you could see it in your heart to forgive me one day, if I really worked at it. I was wondering if I could possibly earn your friendship. Maybe I could write to you, send you emails from time to time and you'd answer?"

"You want to be my penpal? After everything?" The idea of it was far beyond preposterous.

"I'm lost, Bella. You cared about me once and I pissed all over it. Please give me a chance to be a better man? For you and for me?"

"The thing is, Edward, I don't owe you anything. You need to do this for you, not for me. I'm fine. I don't need a journey of self-discovery and I really don't need to help you on yours."

"I know that, but I'm asking anyway. Now that I have found you again, I can't let you go. You've been missing from my life for far too long." He wanted to plead with her, to talk long into the night and resolve everything between them. He wanted to take her in his arms and not ever let her go. He wanted to take her to his bed and show her that he could love her properly as she should be loved. There were too many things he wanted and they all hinged on her.

"I was never missing; I was always within reach. You just had to open your eyes. What else has been right under your nose for all these years without your notice? Ask yourself that. After all the time you spent tearing me down, why do I have to be the one to help you rebuild yourself? Don't you think that might be too much pressure to lay at my door?"

"Bella?" He was not above pleading and he could feel his stomach contract, forcing his heart into his throat. If she didn't help him, if she didn't absolve him, what would? Where does he go from here without her?

"Sure, write to me, send me updates if you want. Just don't expect me to hold your hand and lead you around. All I can offer is that I'll read what you send. I'm not ready to be your whatever-you-think-you-want-me-to-be, Edward." Bella felt frustrated. She'd spent so much time and effort distancing herself from him and bandaging her wounds. She was getting sucked back into Edward's web. However, this time, she'd do it without the stars in her eyes and on her own terms. She might be able to swing friendship if he proved himself. No promises and no illusions.

"Don't expect me to be waiting for you. I'm moving on with my life and I think you should do the same. So, go on your quest or whatever it is that you want to call it, but don't think that when you have yourself all together I'm going to rush into your arms whenever you call." She knew she would have to be unnecessarily harsh to get through to him. He'd seldom listened to her in the past and there was little indication he would do so now.

"I won't. I promise, as difficult as it may be. Just don't give up on me entirely, not yet. That's all I ask."

Bella sized him up. He looked so sincere, so damaged and plaintive. She held out her right hand to give her promise. He held her hand in both of his and smiled. It was a start.

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat - October_

Sony Music has just announced on behalf of local band Uncovered, that Edward Cullen, keyboards and vocals, will be taking a sabbatical. The rest of the band will still be recording and working on their music, they will just be doing it without Cullen. A founding member of the band, Cullen help them rise to fame with the strength of the lyrics he wrote as well as his performance talent. A marked shift in the quality of the music from the second to third album caused a downturn in sales and reputation for the band, apparently leading to some gossiped strife within. Cullen briefly stated that a need to regroup and find his muse once again was the impetus for his hiatus.

"We're still together, we're still family, but even the closest of families need some time apart once in awhile. You know, absence and fondness and all that crap." The ever jovial Jasper Whitlock was quoted as saying in a television interview.

The remaining three members are sticking together and agents for the band are hinting at further big news to be announced in the very near future. There have been rumours but no solid leads as of yet.

Glenn Frey famously said of his own band the Eagles, ' _We never broke up, we just took a fourteen-year vacation.'_ This reporter sincerely hopes for the same for Uncovered. As well, enjoy your vacation, Edward Cullen. Stay in touch.

* * *

 _Spin Magazine_ \- Half page ad, p25, October issue #961

Are you a struggling songwriter ages eighteen to twenty-four? Have you always wanted to hear your songs performed but fear negotiating the cut-throat world of the music industry? Do you think you have what it takes? Sign up here to audition for _Unsung_ and try your luck. We are looking for twelve contestants who have a book of songs they want to show the world. If chosen by the judges, the winner will receive a limited contract with a major label, financial compensation, agency representation and the opportunity to have their songs produced and possibly performed by a well-known band. Video auditions are now being accepted. Sent all clips and questions to JulieF .

* * *

 _Entertainment Now_ \- November

Networks have just announced which fall shows are getting the axe and the list of new content to fill the time slots. The biggest thrill for music lovers is the announcement of _Unsung_ , a new reality show searching for songwriting talent for Uncovered. The band's lyricist-slash-piano-player-slash-brooding-hottie Edward Cullen, in a statement earlier this fall, announced his withdrawal from the band for an undisclosed period of time. Band members, Whitlock, Hale and McCarty will serve as judges for the show with still-to-be-named guest stars. Open casting call netted the show over three thousand auditions. Here is a clip from an interview recently done with Rosalie Hale.

"It was Edward's idea to help promote young talent. Initially we, the rest of the band, were skeptical but Edward was really impassioned with the idea. He sold the idea to us and really was instrumental in bring it to fruition. He said he'll watch or possibly guest judge an episode. It's our way of giving back and helping someone else realise their dreams. There were people who never got the thanks or recognition they deserved who worked with us behind the scenes before we made it. Uncovered and Edward want to help young struggling songwriters get their time in the spotlight."

The show starts in January and runs fourteen episodes, so mark you calendar and watch _Unsung_ with us on MusicNow. It is sure to be a television event not to be missed.

* * *

To: ims madhatter

Subject: Thanks

I didn't say thank you for the experience you put together for the band and crew. It was wonderful and set the tone for the remainder of the tour. Everything seems to run so much smoother after that break. There was a lack of tension and less stress overall; you could really see it in everyone's faces and in their work. For me, it was a great way to end the tour and really helped with some decisions I've been struggling with lately.

I'm not sure if the official announcement has been made or if it has, if you've even heard it, but as I told you when last I saw you, I'm leaving the band. I hope it will only be a temporary decision; I think it will be but you never know, right?

I don't know if you've heard about the tv show the guys are doing. Rose probably told you about it. We wanted to give someone the opportunity to get their music out there. I hope they find someone like you, Bella. Although, I believe you are one of a kind.

Sincerely,

Edward

* * *

To: ims madhatter

Subject: Hi

Hey Bella,

I just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are surrounded by friends and good food. My parents send their regards.

Would you be terribly offended if I gave my mom your email address? She heard all about your business and she's very intrigued, especially about the murals in the room where you hosted our party. She's been commissioned to find a muralist for the children's hospital for a remodel they're doing. As head of the committee, she's looking for advice. She's at gmail, just so you know it's not me trying to harass you even further, lol. Okay, I sound like an idiot.

Sincerely,

Edward

* * *

To: ims madhatter

Subject: Thanks again

Hi Bella,

Thanks again for your help with Mom's project. I had no idea Angela was your muralist. She'd really talented. It's great she was able to take the time to come up to do the drawings for the hospital. Getting the kids to fill in the outline was a great idea. I've never had so much fun painting before. Maybe some day you can see it for yourself.

Angela wouldn't tell me where you are and rightly so. I know I haven't earned it yet but I'm working on it. She didn't stab me with a pencil yet so I'm counting that as a win.

I have a big announcement but it won't be revealed until after New Year's and the show starts. I don't want to pull any focus from the band.

Sincerely,

Edward

* * *

To: ims madhatter

Subject: Merry Christmas

Hi Bella,

I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you're well and happy. Rose mentioned the trip you two are taking after Christmas with her folks. Sounds like fun. Take lots of sunscreen.

Sincerely,

Edward

* * *

To: e_cullen gmail

Subject:

Merry Christmas to you too, Edward. All the best for the new year.

Bella

* * *

 _The Chronicle Music Beat -_ January

Sony music announced a special charity compilation to be released for Valentine's Day. The project is being led by former Uncovered member Edward Cullen and will feature a multitude of recording artists. All proceed will go to children's charities around the world. Cullen sold Sony the idea as part of his departure from the label. The list of songs and artists will be released January 15, with the music available for purchase and download February 14.

 **End Memo: Many thanks to Beachcomberlc and JulieToo for their help making this story readable. They both work harder on this than I do.**

 **I started posting this story a year ago, not knowing how horribly difficult it would be to maintain. I'm still struggling with finishing so I hope you will bear with me as I find a suitable, satisfying ending. You deserve a satisfying ending. Even the guest reviewers who love to tell me how much this story sucks but yet keep reading it deserve a good ending.**

 **FFN won't allow for email addresses, but you are intelligent people, you've figured it out by now.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	26. Chapter 26

**I apologize for the delay and thank you for your kind and respectful patience. Both JulieToo and Beachcomber took their valuable free time to look this over for me, however there may still be errors due to my rushing to post. I think a vast number of you would forgive a mistake or two if it meant not having to wait longer. I hope to have the next chapter out in less time than this one took, so within 4 to 6 weeks.**

 **Chapter 24**

To: ims at madhatter

Subject: Checking in

Happy St. Patrick's Day. I wanted to write to you last month, but I thought it was far too soon in this fledgling friendship to wish you a happy Valentine's Day. Maybe next year. Maybe, one day I might get to ask you to be _my_ valentine. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The album was a great success. We raised over $500,000 for various charities so far. It was great to be able to work with so many incredible artists last December. Some of them have gone on to begin creating fundraisers for their own causes.

I've decided to take an extended vacation. I haven't really had any time off in the last few years so I'm heading down to South America for a bit. I guess I'll see where the wind takes me from there.

Thinking of you,

Edward

* * *

To: e_cullen gmail

Subject: WTF

I can't believe I'm doing this, but where the hell are you? I haven't heard from you in four months. Neither has anyone else. Disappearing like this is not the way to work yourself back into my life, Edward. Call someone; Emmett, Jasper, anyone. Please. Before I start to panic.

Bella

* * *

To: ims at madhatter

Subject: Sorry

I'm so sorry. I really am. I've called Mom, Dad and everyone else to let them know I'm fine. I swear this wasn't a ploy to get you to worry about me. Communication services were really poor and I was off the grid for a long time. I only just got the email you sent last month this morning. I'm at the airport in Houston waiting for my next flight.

I have so many stories to tell you but really, they'd be better in person. I have props (feel free to imagine me smirking and raising my eyebrows in a come-hither style). I learned so much down there. About music, people and mostly about myself. I fully acknowledge the pampered, entitled asshole I was before. And I'm going to do everything I can to never be that man again.

I have a job. A real job, albeit a temporary one. Someone I met in Belize, I think. Carmen, a retired teacher from Anchorage, helped me get a position teaching music in Northern Alaska. I'm more of an assistant because I don't have a teaching degree, but it involves going from community to community up North with various instruments and introducing the kids to some instruments they might not have played before.

I'm spending a month at home with my parents, hopefully watching the rest of _Unsung_ and grovelling to my mother for my absence. I caught the first couple of episodes when they aired live but I was away for the last few and the finale. The guys are going to introduce me to Riley in person, not just on Skype. Man, what a great kid Riley is. So talented and nice. He's just a nice kid. I was such a dick at his age I'm surprised anyone still talks to me. I don't know if you've had a chance to meet him. The band won't talk about you and I know better than to beg for answers.

Do you think there could be any way for us to meet up before I head north? I'd love to see you and I promise to be on my best behaviour. I could come to you, wherever you are right now.

Think about it, please, and let me know.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

July Msg returned Undeliverable

* * *

August Msg returned Undeliverable

* * *

Edward stared at his laptop with horror. He had lost his connection to her and wanted to panic. He unplugged the machine and carried it downstairs. He found his mother in her office and showed her the message. Much to his shock, she wasn't surprised.

"Well, it's been awhile since she left her business, I guess she stopped using their email now that she's no longer working there. Just use one of her other emails to get a hold of her."

"I don't have any other email for her, just this one. I've been sending her messages there since I saw her last but it never occurred to me she'd stop using it. She only wrote me back twice." Edward let his mind wander for a moment.

Esme poured herself a cup of coffee and waited for her son to continue.

"I didn't know she had more that one."

"Why wouldn't she? Almost everyone else in the world does. I have several, even your father has at least two, one personal and one for work. You know him and technology, he doesn't understand it but he has to have the latest toys."

"Where is she, do you know?"

"I do, but my question is why don't you know? Did you ever ask her what she was doing?"

"No." Edward petulantly replied.

"I didn't think so. You never do with me or your father. It's as if you are afraid to ask questions. You're content to answer them but you don't get involved. It's rather superficial but it comes with your kind of arrogance, I guess. I'm not sure where you get it from, not my side of the family, I know that for sure."

Edward stared at his mother. She stood there, coffee cup in hand and blithely dissected his personality.

"It's very clinical and detached, so possibly from your father. All those doctors and scientists. Although your dad is very compassionate, so perhaps it skipped a generation."

Edward was taken aback. His mother had never been so blunt with him before. She would suggest, she would coddle but she wouldn't outright expose his shortcomings. As much as he was disturbed to be taken down a peg by his mom, he was kind of glad for the change in their relationship. She was treating him like an adult, a friend even, not like her darling boy. It also served to show him that he was behaving like a petulant little boy, again. He didn't get what he wanted, so he sought out his mother for help. He had fallen back into his old habits of talking to but never listening to Bella.

He went back up to the room where he was staying at his parent's place and put in a call to his therapist, Irina Nyquist. Irina was strict and firm with him. She wouldn't let him get away with his negative behaviour. She sometimes reminded him of an old-fashioned teacher but she never wheeled a yardstick or ruler. Instead, her tongue lashings made him really consider what he was doing and his effect on others. Irina smiled knowingly at him when he made the realization that he had sent Bella messages crowing about what he was doing to earn her respect and friendship all the while never concerning himself about what she was doing, thinking, or feeling.

With Irina's guidance, he started to work on his relationship with his immediate family first. He reconnected with his parents and found commonalities with them he hadn't realized before. He had never realized his mother could sing and that she'd been a soloist in her school's choir. Esme had toyed with the idea of studying music in college but her parents talked her out of it in favour of a more stable career choice, their words not hers. Carlisle, while tone deaf and rhythmically challenged, came from a long line of musicians, scientists and doctors. He sheepishly admitted, while very drunk, to years of accordion lessons before being pulled aside by his music teacher and being given a tambourine to play instead. Carlisle, on another slightly less drunk occasion, admitted to writing exceedingly bad poetry as a teen.

Edward headed to his new job and worked harder than he ever had before. While he really enjoyed working with the students, he quickly realized teaching was not something he could do. Edward felt he wasn't smart enough or patient enough to do any type of service to those young minds. He was good at playing with them and maintaining the instruments, but found he learned much, much more than he taught.

He spent as much time as he could on Skype or the phone with his sister and Jasper. The band had been working hard on a fourth album, doing some small venue tours and doing really well. Riley fit in with them and Edward was happy, rather than feeling left out. Many times he tried to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard to write something, but he never got past a line or two. His thoughts were still so jumbled and incoherent when it came to producing music of his own. He found playing and singing old favourites helpful. When alone, he played songs that reminded him of Bella, not just the songs she wrote but ones written by others that seemed to speak of her.

She sent him an email about a month after he arrived in Alaska. She apologized for not giving him her address sooner. He felt like such an asshole when she did. As if she would ever need to apologize to him for anything. He tried his best to use Irina's techniques and start a real dialogue with her, to learn about her and to listen. However, now she was the one travelling and having spotty wifi. She answered when she could, sending short notes letting him know she was safe and alive.

The pen pal relationship continued for months. While it was comfortable and pleasant, it wasn't totally satisfying. It was superficial, perhaps because of time constraints and lack of depth of conversation. Edward couldn't say all he wanted to say to her in an email. Bella's backpacking through Southeast Asia didn't leave her with either the time or the inclination to spend lots of time chatting online. She was too busy learning about ancient cultures and civilizations, seeing the sights and sampling the local foods. This was a trip of a lifetime for her and Edward was finally unselfish enough to let her enjoy it without his interference.

Edward joined the band in the studio after his term in Alaska was over, but this time as a performer only. One-by-one he met with his bandmates, at first to apologize and then to learn and listen to them. New friendships were developed, although Emmett was the hardest to reconnect with. Edward made an effort to get to know the recording engineers and their staff as well as members of the label they were working with. He spent a lot of time with Riley as he worked on some new songs. He also spent time with Riley's sister, Maggie. It wasn't a romance, but it was developing into a good friendship.

Edward found his life in a different perspective when, during fireworks at his parents' annual summer party, Alice and Jasper announced her pregnancy. He was thrilled, of course, but also a bit sad. He had no one and the one person he wanted, wanted only friendship from him. But he set aside his feelings to celebrate his sister and his best friend. He also noticed Rosalie and Emmett seemed to be much closer than he had ever known them to be. They were holding hands when they thought no one was looking; he saw them look around at the crowd first. He also thought he saw Rosalie lean in for a quick kiss during the firework show when everyone else was looking up. Edward wondered how long that relationship had been going on.

Soon after that, Bella announced her return to all her friends in an email. She had sold her condo before travelling and was temporarily homeless until she decided where she wanted to live. Edward wanted to offer her his place, but Rose beat him to it and it made more sense for her to stay with Rose. They arranged a huge welcome home party for her once she was settled.

Bella greeted Edward with a big hug when he arrived at Rose's. He followed her to the back deck where everyone had gathered. She look wonderful; she was wearing the same style wire-rimmed glasses she'd worn when he first met her. She looked relaxed and happy, more content than the last time he'd seen her, but it had been over two years and under better circumstances. Her long brown hair had been chopped off and she now had a tousled, messy look that really suited her. There were shades to her hair he hadn't noticed before, brought out by months in the sun. Edward watched as Bella smiled and laughed with her friends. More people arrived, Angela and Ben, as well as a few Edward didn't know. The person who really caught his eye was a man who was wearing dark sunglasses, even though the sun was starting to set and wasn't that bright. He also had half of his hair in a stupid little bun at the back of his head. The way the front part was pulled back so tightly showed off the beginnings of a receding hairline and looked painful; it made Edward want to run his fingers through his own hair and massage his scalp in apology. There was something about the guy that set his teeth on edge. Even more so when Bella introduced them.

"This is my...friend, Seth. Seth, this is Edward."

 **AN: As always I thank Beachcomberlc, JulieToo, and IpsitaC77 for being so very kind to me. I thank you as well for reading. I mean no offence to any professional tambourine-ists who might be reading; I hold percussionists in high regard. My favourite is Animal from _The Muppets_.**


	27. Chapter 27

**I have no excuses for the lateness of this chapter so I won't offer any. I don't own Twilight. Many thanks to the long suffering beachcomberlc and JulieToo for putting up with me. Thanks to Ipsita for cheer leading.**

Chapter 25

Friend Seth didn't last long in Bella's lovelife and was never really more than a friend. However, he did become close to the band and began to hang around rehearsals and practices. Edward found, much to his dismay, that he liked the hipster. Jasper teased him, saying Edward had stolen Bella's ex-boyfriend for himself. Most of Edward's concerns about the guy were for nothing.

Over the next few months, Bella introduced a few other men to the group as she began casually dating. They were all, for the most part, harmless. First Colin, Brady, and then James. No, the one Edward had cause to fear was Sam. He was the only one to make it past three dates, or a month with Bella. He was also a sly dog who grated on Edward's every nerve.

Sam and Bella had met on campus. Bella was still deciding what to accomplish next. She'd been flirting with differing careers, but mostly enjoying being young and financially independent. With careful investing and cautious spending, she wouldn't necessarily have to work for years, but wanted to be active and engaged. She spent some time auditing various classes to see which discipline was a match for her interests.

The trip abroad she'd taken reset the relationship between her and Edward. When he'd taken to Seth after he and Bella stopped seeing each other, she and Edward began texting. Texting led to Skyping, which led to coffee dates and longer conversations. Edward listened with real interest to Bella's thoughts, and a tentative friendship grew from there. He listened to her. Which was all she had ever wanted from him, or so she told herself.

Sam was a graduate student majoring in Nineties Popular Culture and minoring in Medieval French Literature. Mostly, he screwed undergrads, filled in as a TA and proctored exams, as long as they were after noon. He rented a shitty little loft decorated with water bongs and pizza boxes. He was thirty-four, but told people he was only twenty-eight.

When Bella introduced him to her friends, Edward and Seth included, none of them could see why she was even remotely interested in him. When he made it to the third date, they questioned her sanity and taste to themselves. When she brought him for a holiday meal with the group, he managed to offend almost every person without being outright rude. Even Esme, who loved everyone she met, hated Sam. Moreover, he treated Bella badly. At first, he made snide comments about her wardrobe and glasses. Then he belittled her reading habits and book choices. He was smart about it, but bit by bit he was wearing her down. Week after week, her shoulders hunched more and her smile dimmed. The joy was slowly leaching from her eyes.

Bella couldn't see it, but she was disappearing, and it broke Edward's heart. He knew it was partly his fault. If he hadn't been so cruel to her in the past, she would have been stronger against Sam's assault. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice tried to talk to her about Sam. She brushed them off. Either there was something about him that they were missing, or Bella didn't want to acknowledge how wrong he was for her. Maybe he was different with her behind closed doors. That was the hope they all harboured.

Edward found a friendly ear and distraction to the situation with Riley's sister, Maggie. Neither of them was looking for a relationship or love affair, but they settled into a series of one-night stands that scratched an itch and calmed frayed nerves. The first time Edward woke up with Maggie beside him, naked, he wanted to run for the hills. Maggie laughed at him, called him an idiot and laid the groundwork for the understanding between them. Just sex; good sex, but just sex. No hearts, stars, and flowers involved. Maggie's heart had been shattered and she wasn't ready for anything more. All she wanted was a hard man between her thighs from time to time until she was ready to love again, and when she was ready, it wouldn't be with Edward. Edward was relieved, but a little sad. Maggie was too good a person to waste time with him, but he agreed to the deal. They met up every couple of weeks for a chat and a fuck. It was weird, but it worked for them.

Riley and Edward worked well together, collaborating on several songs. Edward found he was enjoying the process in a way he never had before. Previously, he had carved up Bella's poems to make them over into songs. With Riley, it was a more organic feel. They'd banter lines back and forth, hum snippets of melody and find words to suit the sound. Edward was also dabbling with a few songs of his own. It was a slow progression, but Edward had a few songs under his belt, mostly solos, but a couple he might be convinced to share with the band. Riley had twice as many ready from the same collaborations with Edward. They both wanted a good book of songs ready for the studio for the next album.

Bella purchased a downtown loft and spent a great deal of time renovating and improving the space. Living with Rosalie had been a wonderful experience, but as Emmett and Rosalie grew closer, Bella felt she was impinging on their time together.

Meetings in Los Angeles for the band took Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Riley. Edward had been invited to attend, but wanted to skip the boring stuff and stick to the performances and the music. He was relishing being part of the band, but happy to be more on the periphery. Also, Bella had mentioned moving and painting that week. He'd much rather spend the week with her than with some music industry suits.

Edward's phone chimed with a message as he stood outside Bella's building. It was five floors, mixed commercial and residential on the next block over from a newly gentrified area. It was a little sketchy, but had great potential. The neighbourhood was better that the one Bella lived in all those years ago, but not by much. The first floor boasted a ratty mom-and-pop lunch counter and a boarded-up storefront. The next two floors housed a call centre operation, while the fourth floor was an up-and-coming animation studio. There were three loft apartments on the top floor with a shared rooftop patio and garden.

Edward looked first to the intercom for Bella's buzzer and then at his phone. Bella had sent a message telling him not to come by, but he was already there and not about to give up an opportunity to see her. He pressed and held down her buzzer until she answered and buzzed him in. The rickety elevator made Edward wish he had taken the stairs, but knocking on her door improved his mood. He beamed when he saw her face.

"Hey. I sent you a text, just a few minutes ago."

"Strange, it must be lost in cyberspace." He winked at her and kissed her cheek softly.

"Show me your new place, then put me to work, woman." Edward shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the door knob. Bella started when he clapped his hands together; Edward pretended not to notice.

A kitchen area was on one side of the main door and a small, rough bathroom on the other. The main room was wide, with a bank of mullioned windows running from two feet off the floor to four feet below the ceiling. A thick border of exposed brick cut across the windows at the ten foot mark. The top bank of smaller windows opened, tilting outward at the bottom and were painted a sickly green. A long, cast iron pole was propped up in the corner. Bella had stacked boxes on the far wall and there was a blow-up air mattress in one corner.

"I don't have any furniture yet. I have some stored at Rose's but I wanted to wait until after I finished renovating to decide on a final look, you know? I want to do most of the work myself, not hire a huge crew." Bella made a little noise of displeasure, like sucking a bit of air through her teeth, but with a tiny groan at the same time.

"I take it someone doesn't approve of your plans."

"We got into a huge fight. Sam doesn't think I'll be able to do it by myself. He told me to hire a renovator because it will be too much for me. Construction is mathematics, physics and geometry, I was good at all of those subjects at school. I've read the building codes and made an architectural plan. I've filed for the building permits with the city. I have a general contractor for the heavy lifting and to check my work for the inspections. I know what I'm doing and I'm confident I can do the work on my own." Bella folded her arms across her chest with a defiant look on her face.

"Bella, I don't doubt your skills in the least."

"He's mad because I didn't take his advice. He told me to buy outright, but I wanted to establish some credit so I took a five-year mortgage."

"Sam rents his place, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but …"

"But nothing. This is your place, Bella. You're a grown-up, much more grown-up than most people your age, or mine. Do what you like."

"I know, I know, but I hate fighting with him."

"Once he sees what you can do, he'll apologize."

Bella laughed it off and began to show Edward her design plan.

The bathroom was to be gutted and expanded with a guest bedroom built over top of it. Bella wanted glass brick to run along the seam of the ceiling of the bathroom to allow for some light. A narrow balcony would run from the guest bedroom to a new master bedroom built over the kitchen. Dual staircases would frame the main room. Bella's office space would be by the windows, living room in the middle and an eating area just off the kitchen.

Edward could see it as she spoke about the space. He could picture her reading in the sunlight or climbing down the stairs, sleep rumpled and dozy, to grab her morning coffee. He could see himself with a guitar and keyboard set up near her office space. He would play chords and a bit of melody as she wrote the lyrics to their next platinum album. If only. He shook his head to clear out those thoughts.

Bella showed him the sheets of stained glass film she had bought for the upper windows. Getting the paint off of the windows would be a major undertaking, but the shades of purple and blue she'd chosen would be very eye-catching once the project was finished.

Bella was faster at scraping the paint from the glass than Edward was. She was already on her second bank of windows by the time he finished his first. Bella sent him out to buy them dinner as she finished up for the day. The room was much brighter already and she planned to start applying the decorative film after their dinner. By the time Edward came back with four giant sushi burrito rolls, Bella had finished the third bank of windows and made them a little eating area with a folding table and two stools. She had also unearthed a small CD player.

As Edward opened her door, the beginning phrases of Carly Simon's _You're So Vain_ began to play. He put the plastic bag containing their dinner in the middle of the table and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'll have you know, my therapist says I'm much better now."

Bella burst into laughter, with Edward joining in. Bella told him more of her plans as they ate. She had found a building reclamation centre that sold vintage doors, mouldings, cabinets and fixtures. She'd ordered a huge clawfoot tub and a dozen old French doors. The doors were for the bedrooms, to be used as the wall facing the windows, to let some natural light in. She had bought more of the stained glass film, in intricate patterns for the upstairs. Edward agreed, the place was going to look wonderful when it was done.

Once again, they climbed their ladders and began working on the windows. Edward was scraping the paint from the fourth bank as Bella started putting the film on the first one. The music changed to the Rolling Stones and they both sang along as loudly as they could. Edward spent more time watching Bella than scraping, so it was no wonder he sliced his hand half-way through his job. Bella pointed him to the bandages.

"In the kitchen, top drawer by the sink."

Edward climbed down and pulled the drawer open. The bandages were under a sheaf of pamphlets Edward took for take-out menus at first. Once he had washed his hand and stopped the bleeding, he took a better look. The top one was for a Lasik clinic, then a liposuction place, a weight-loss clinic, and finally, an orthodontist.

"Bella what the hell are these for? This is a joke right?"

"Put them back. I don't want to talk about it, Edward." Bella started to climb down her ladder.

"No. You don't need any of this stuff. Why would you have them?"

Edward walked over to the bottom of Bella's ladder and looked up at her, the pamphlets in his hand. She climbed down the ladder until her feet were on the third step, turning, she sat on the fourth step and put her head in her hands.

"It's none of your business. Please, just forget about them."

Edward stood in front of the ladder and tried to look her in the eye. Bella refused to make eye contact, but he could see colour creeping up her cheeks and moisture on her eyelashes. He knew her well enough to know she was angry and embarrassed. But he wasn't going to let it go.

"Bella, why do you have these?" He asked as gently as he could.

 **AN: The next chapter is ready. It will post two weeks from today. By then I hope to have the rest of this story finished. Thank you for your patience and thank you for reading.**

 **Song for this chapter - _Perfect_ by Pink**


	28. Chapter 28

**Sorry about the delay. I somehow got it in my head that I was posting this on Friday. The heat is making my stupid, I guess. Thanks to BellaEdwardfan1 for reminding me. Many thanks to Beachomberlc and JulieToo for their help with this chapter. Any errors are my own but I do not own Twilight.**

Chapter 26

"Leave it alone, Edward. I don't want to talk about it." Edward stepped to the side, still staring at Bella. He shuffled through the pamphlets and started to read one of them out loud.

" _Our one month intensive plan guarantees a loss of twenty pounds, on average for our most dedicated clients. Our first week's cleanse is specially formatted for the area you wish to target. With personal trainers available to you twenty-four hours a day we promise there will be no opportunity to cheat or snack. By the end of your month's stay you will be able to see a new and better you in the mirror. No more chubby thighs or ugly poochy tummy. Your new and improved physique will not only lead to a better life, but a hotter sex life."_

Edward dropped the pamphlet with disgust.

"You've got to be kidding me. It's a fucking fat camp for grownups. This shit doesn't work. It's a scam. And you don't need anything like this. No one needs anything this drastic and cruel."

"I never said I needed it, or that I even wanted to go."

"So, what—someone just came up to you and handed it to you? Who would do that? And what about these other things? The eyes and teeth?"

"No more. Just drop it." Bella grabbed the papers out of his hands and stuffed them back in the drawer. She picked up Edward's coat from the door knob and tried to hand it to him.

"I think we're done for today. Thanks for the help, but I'd like to be by myself now."

"Please don't shut me out, Bella." Edward pulled her to him and held her tightly.

Bella didn't cry or protest his embrace. After a few minutes, Edward began to sway. A few more moments Bella and was dancing with him, shuffling around to whatever rhythm was in Edward's brain. The cadence seem familiar but Bella couldn't quite place it. Edward hummed for a bit, then broke out into a series of _na,na,nas_. Bella sucked in a breath. She couldn't believe the song he was singing and dancing them to; it was their first song together, _Weighty Ghost_. Edward hummed a little bit more and then pulled back to look her dead in the eye.

' _I don't need no surgery, keep those knives away from me,_

 _I just want to die in my own body, a ghost just needs a home.'_

"Whoever's been chipping away at you with these pamphlets is turning you into a ghost, Bella. What happened to the fierce woman who ripped me to shreds with her words? The strong, confident woman who travelled Southeast Asia by herself? The brilliant mind who wrote all of my catalogue?"

Bella took a step back and sat on the air mattress.

"Alice gave me the first one, the Lasik. I had mentioned an interest and she knew a good place. Sam saw it and jumped on the bandwagon. I guess he thought he was being helpful, but I really didn't appreciate the way he went about it. I don't know why he's even with me if he finds so much wrong with me, my teeth, my waistline and my wrinkles." Bella flung herself back on the bed, bouncing slightly.

"I'm still in my mid-twenties, damn it. I don't have any wrinkles. And even if I did, who cares? Wrinkles would just show that I lived, I smiled and frowned, showing emotion. Why is that a bad thing?"

"Well?" Edward stood over the bed and looked down at her. She looked lovely. "Why _are_ you with him? He's an ass."

Bella lifted her head and glared at Edward before giggling.

"He really is, isn't he?" She sniffed and wiped under her eyes. "But he wasn't at first. He was charming and sweet. He listened to me. I thought he was different. But I seem to attract real winners. I think I should stop trying, stop dating and just live my life alone."

Edward perched on the end of the bed and waited for her to continue.

"I've only been back and dating for a few months, but if this is representative of the dating pool, I'm getting out of the water. Or perhaps it's just this city. Maybe I need to expand my horizons somewhere else."

He flopped back on the bed, lying beside her, his head held up by his hands. Bella threw both arms across her face to block out the light. She could feel his eyes on her, judging her and most likely finding her coming up short. Their friendship was good for her. Alice was too busy growing a baby and Rose was too in love to talk to. However, her friendship with Edward was another reminder of her complete failure when it came to the male of the species. He was her biggest and most spectacular malfunction. Edward had changed though, he was no longer that frat boy asshole who ran over her heart and flattened it. They were much better as friends and Bella was comfortable with that much. The height of the pedestal she'd placed him on had leveled out and she felt on an even plane with him, although she knew he held her to a much more lofty position. Bella knew he wanted her, but she struggled with wondering if he wanted her, the real her, or the idealized version he had created over the years. Or if he just wanted her carnally, that was another possibility.

When they first met, the balance of power had tilted in his direction. Bella hadn't known how to fight for herself or how to protect her heart. She was too young and naive and she'd let him rule. However, now she was not as quick to give her heart. And she wanted to give her heart to someone who would look after it, cherish it. Bella wanted a lover and a partner. She wanted forever.

"I'd miss you if you left again." Edward brought her out of her thoughts and back to the here and now.

"And really, you've only just started looking. Maybe you need more time or a better pool of suitors. What do they say? You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince?"

Bella huffed. "Do you know how hard it was for me to open up enough to start seeing anyone? Do you know how many nice guys I turned down over the years to protect myself?"

"Because of me? Because of what I did to you?"

"No, Edward, not just you, because of every guy I've known in my life. I blame Charlie for giving me exceptionally high expectations of how a man should treat the woman he cares for and every other guy I've met since for ruining them. But I want what my mom had; I want my Charlie. I want a man who looks at me like I'm the sun and the moon and every star in between. But I also want someone realistic. I'm well aware my farts stink, I don't want someone telling me I smell like roses all the time. I know my teeth are crooked and I could get them fixed, but I'm not sure it's worth the pain or money for something purely cosmetic. I could get contacts or lasik and stop wearing glasses. My crooked teeth and bad eyes don't bother me one bit. Why should I waste my time on someone who is bothered by them? I know I'm not beautiful, but I'm kind and smart. I want someone who will honour those parts of me. Where is that frog prince?"

It felt good to say it all out loud. She felt freer, lighter.

"What if he's right here, under your nose? What if it took him longer than expected to turn into a prince? Maybe it's not instantaneous, but more gradual. Maybe the process takes years and distance and pain. What if you need to kiss the same frog over and over again to enact the magic?" His voice was quiet, but she heard every word.

"Edward." It was a warning, the way she spoke his name, full of skepticism and fear.

"Just listen, please. I know I hurt you, but I'm not that man anymore. I grew up; you helped me grow up. I like the person I am now. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be better. The one thing missing from my life is you. I don't care if your teeth are crooked, I don't care if you don't have any at all. I just want you. You wouldn't have to change to be with me. I'd never ask you to. I want to love you the way you should be loved. If you'd let me."

Bella didn't respond, but Edward didn't let her silence dissuade him.

He rolled over and pinned her to the bed, his legs on either side of her hips, not sitting on her, but caging her in. He'd be off her in a second if she made any complaint. He braced himself on his hands, arms straight, looking down at her.

"I've wanted you like this for years. But I will wait for as long as it takes for you to be where I am. You've forgiven me for the past, but I won't forget. I'll wait for you because you are worth the wait. Just as you are, right now. You're worth the wait."

Bella raised her hands up to cover her eyes, to buy some time to make her brain work again.

Edward dropped down to rest on his elbows. He took both her wrists in one hand and pinned them just above her head with a gentle grip. His other hand traced her cheek and threaded into the soft hair at the base of her head. He gazed at her, watching the emotions play across her face. Once her brow relaxed and her eyes softened, he leaned down and kissed her gently. He pulled back and studied her face again. His thumb caressed light circles on her jaw. He leaned down and kissed her again, longer this time and with more purpose. He could feel her chest rise and fall against his shirt, quick breaths, but not panicking. Letting his eyes close with joy, Edward lost himself in the kiss. Bella freed her hands from his grasp and placed them on his shoulders. It was sweet and chaste, a kiss of pure affection, with no pressure or expectation.

Edward pulled back again, this time to run his tongue over his lips and savour the taste of her there. Bella craned her neck and reached up to kiss him, firmly and more passionately than he had kissed her. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and stroked along his. He wanted to hold her closer, to love fully, but he held himself back. Edward slowed the kiss to gentle pecks, on her nose, chin and forehead. He pressed his forehead to hers and sighed.

"I'm on my knees for you Bella, I'll wait here forever if I have to. There is so much; too much to say, too many feelings running through me. I don't want to scare you or push you. If this, this moment, this kiss is all you have to give me, I'll take it. And I'll cherish it for the rest of my life."

Bela closed her eyes, then scrunched them together tightly.

"I need time to think."

"And Sam?"

"Either way, I'm letting Sam go. I don't need Sam in my life."

"Not because of me?"

"Because of me. I think I deserve better."

"I know you do. I hope the man you choose is worthy of you. Although, I really hope it's me and I know I'm not worthy."

Bella began to wriggle out from her Edward-cage. He took the hint and moved off of her, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek as he did.

Edward went home, leaving Bella to her thoughts. He arrived first thing in the morning with coffee and bagels. They didn't talk about the night before, they just worked together on her loft. They talked about Rose and Emmett, Alice, Jasper and the baby. They argued political affairs and discussed current events. They just were and it was what both of them needed.

 **AN: Song for this chapter - _I Will Wait_ by Mumford  & Sons. **


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey, look at that, I'm on time but I still don't own Twilight. Many thanks to JulieToo and Beachcomberlc for hand holding and hand smacking where needed in this chapter. I've taken some creative license with hospital procedures in this chapter. Take a deep breath and let it roll, m'kay?**

 **Chapter 27**

Once Bella's loft was ready for real construction, Edward was needed back in the studio. Rosalie had booked a modelling gig and invited Bella along with her for the week. They started with three days in Brighton, taking wind-blown pictures along the English boardwalk before spending the rest of the week in Paris, with high glamour shots in the light Parisian rain. Bella was intrigued by the process and spent a great deal of time with the photographer's assistants, learning bits and pieces about the industry. Her general knowledge of French helped both her and Rosalie navigate the foreign city. Four days was nowhere near enough time to spend in the _City of Lights_ , but Bella was able to see a couple of museums and national monuments while Rosalie worked.

When she returned, her loft space was nearly complete. The kitchen and bathroom had been finished with the two loft rooms roughed in atop them. The reclaimed doors that would create the wall Bella had envisioned were ready for her to hang, the channels and rails installed and ready. When completed, it would be like a giant accordian door, she could fold back and have her room or the guest bedroom open to the rest of the loft or close them off completely. She still had to choose the arrangement of the doors and attach the hinges before painting and installing them.

All of the electrical and plumbing had been connected and all fixtures had been installed. She still had plenty of work to do, installing drywall, setting tiles, painting and installing cabinets, but it was well on its way to being her first real home of her own.

First order of business was to say goodbye to Sam. Bella lost no sleep over the decision and when he tried to tell her she was wrong, she stood her ground. He did not go away easily, but eventually got the point.

Edward was spending as many hours in the studio as possible. He wasn't avoiding Bella or anything, but he and Riley had been working furiously. There was a theme to the songs they were producing, and they had a lot of raw material to work with.

It was several weeks before he had the time to go see Bella again. The songs for the next album were ready and the band was due in the studio to begin recording within the next few days. They had studio time booked over the next few weeks and hoped to have the bulk of the recording done before Alice had her baby. Jasper's lead tracks would be laid first, just in case. They could work around him, if need be, for at least a few weeks. Riley had written a few songs for Rosalie and one for Emmett's voice. Edward offered to sing lead if they wanted him to, a option the band was still considering.

Maggie was overjoyed when she found out Edward had finally made a move for Bella. She had been growing tired of Edward in her bed. Not that they met very often, but she preferred a variety. She liked to find a guy, screw him for a while, then move on. It helps keep any feelings from growing. The reason she had stayed with Edward longer than any other guy was she knew his heart was elsewhere, so he posed little risk. Their time had long run out and she was ready for more. A recording contract of her own was in the works, with a different label than Uncovered.

Edward found himself with a rare day off and headed to Bella's first thing. He woke her and dragged her out of her loft for breakfast at a nearby diner. He told her about Maggie over coffee and by the time their breakfast arrived, she understood the situation. During greasy eggs and fried potatoes, she told him about her break up with Sam. Edward offered to punch him for her, but Bella declined the offer with a smile. They talked music while waiting for the bill, and house improvements during the walk back to the loft.

Bella showed off her work with pride, particularly the design elements she'd conceived and installed herself. The positioning of the stairs to create the illusion of separate rooms and more space was a feature she was pleased with. She now had a defined dining area, living room and office. Bella had been able to turn a large open box of a loft into a two bedroom apartment that was cheery and bright.

However, the room that gave Bella the most pride was the master bedroom. The room wasn't large and only held a king sized bed and two small night tables. When the door wall was open it was larger, but it became a cosy nook when the doors were closed. Using reclaimed kitchen cupboards as a base, she'd built a platform bed with plenty of storage. There were two small sets of stairs on either side of the bed because the cabinets made the bed far too tall to crawl into. She used a mix of drawers and shelves with corner cabinets at the end for ease of walking around the bed;fewer corners to stumble into in the dark. Bella added a simple hydraulic system under the bed to access the space in the middle where the cupboards created a void, a perfect place for things she wouldn't need to access often. She had most of her things moved in and the bed was covered in some beautiful multicoloured fabric she'd picked up in Jakarta. She made Edward lie on the bed, then tipped him ass over teakettle with the hydraulic lift to test its weight limit. The platform holding the mattress lifted up about five feet off the floor at the foot end. It was hinged at the head of the bed much like a ring box. Edward slid head first into the wall and crumpled to the side with all the sheets tangled around him. Bella had to jump onto the bed to help unroll him from the bedding. The unrolling led to tickling and the tickling led to kissing. But the kissing didn't lead anywhere. Just as they reached the "should we?" stage, Edward's phone buzzed, followed by Bella's.

Alice's water had broken, her contractions less than six minutes apart and she and Jasper were on the way to the hospital. Edward grinned from ear to ear at the news; soon he was going to be an uncle. They remade Bella's bed and grabbed a cab to the hospital to await the birth.

Meeting up with Edward's parents in Carlisle's office, Bella tried to make her goodbyes, leaving the family alone for the auspicious event. Esme would have none of that, insisting Bella stay and keep her entertained.

"I've heard all of their stories," she waved a hand and gestured to her husband and son. "You can help keep me centred until my daughter needs me."

Bella chatted with Esme and Carlisle for what seemed like a long time before a harried nurse came to collect the family. They dragged Bella with them to a room closer to Alice's birthing suite, Esme leaving them there so she could go comfort her daughter and hold her hand. The hallways were noisy with cries, groans, and the sounds of medical staff jogging from room to room. Another nurse rushed in and called for Edward. She spoke to him for a second, then hurried away. He walked back to his family, pulling his wallet and phone from his back pocket, handing them to Carlisle.

"Jasper fainted with Alice's first push. She's asking for me."

"You?" Bella asked.

"I'm her backup Lamaze coach. Both she and Jasper felt they needed an extra just in case." Edward slapped his father on the shoulder and winked at Bella, then left the room to scrub and help.

Bella looked at Carlisle, feeling out of place and impotent. He smiled at her. He sat in a chair by the door and stared at the television hanging on the far wall for a long time before Bella sat beside him.

"I threw up when I saw my first delivery in med school." Carlisle said, apropo of nothing. "It was one of the reasons I chose Psychiatry. People very seldom ask a psychiatrist to deliver a baby, even in an emergency."

Bella snapped her head to the side to look at him. Carlisle was still staring at the television, seeming engaged with the news programme playing muted on the screen.

"I was as professional about it as I could be. I managed to excuse myself from the room and vomit in a janitor's closet near the delivery room. My classmates called me ' _Chuckie'_ for the rest of my intern year. But still, I managed a rotation through OB and graduated. It only happened that one time. So, I'm not surprised Jasper took a fall and I'd be shocked if Edward gets through Alice's delivery with his lunch. You're good for him, Bella. He's a better man when you're around."

Bella had no idea what to say to this and Carlisle didn't say anything else about either topic until Esme came to tell them of Alice's success.

"He's beautiful, Carlisle. I can see you in him but he's got lots of Jasper's features. They'll be ready for us in a hour or so. Come, buy me a coffee and I'll tell you all about our grandson." Esme hugged Bella and promised to bring her back a drink, expecting her to wait there for Edward. She felt so very out of place. They seemed under the impression she was with Edward. She had no idea if she was _with_ him or if she even wanted to be. She sat in the waiting room for a while, trying to make a decision one way or the other. By the time Esme and Carlisle came back she still hadn't; not even come close to choosing. And it wasn't just her decision to make.

Chirping noises broke through her thoughts and she reached into her purse for her phone. Edward had texted her with Alice's room number and a request for more juice for the new family. Esme checked her phone and got the same message. Bella found a vending machine and bought some apple juice before searching for Alice's room.

They were greeted in the hallway by Jasper, sporting a butterfly bandage on his forehead. He was all but vibrating with excitement and ushered everyone into the room.

Alice was propped up on the bed with several pillows, looking wrung-out and blissful. By the window, Edward was standing with his nephew in his arms. He was bouncing gently and speaking to the baby in a very soft voice. He surrendered the baby to Carlisle as soon as he was asked. The sleeping child was passed from person to person, making his way around the room three times before he fussed and was given back to his mother for nursing.

"We've decided on James." Jasper proclaimed proudly of his son. "With Peter as a middle name."

"Between the two, I think we've covered every musical genre known. James Brown, Jimi Hendrix, James Hetfield, James Taylor, Pete Townshend, Peter Tosh, and so on and so on. It was all I could do to talk Jasper out of Wolfgang." Alice kissed her son and beamed at her husband.

"Hey, Wolfgang is better than some fruit or vegetable name like other musicians"

"True, but Eddie Van Halen took Wolfgang. Maybe we'll start a new trend of classic baby names. I can just see the headlines now." Jasper swung his hand in a big arc.

Bella and Edward offered to get the little family some dinner. Esme and Carlisle stayed for as long as they could before they had to go. They were picking Jasper's father up from the airport very early in the morning.

After dinner, Alice begged for a shower, some food and a bit of time, so Bella and Edward were given babysitting duty for no more than an hour as Jasper attended to his wife. An hour was the absolute maximum Alice and Jasper would stand being apart from their child. Edward initially offered to care for James for the rest of the night, but Alice threw an empty cup at him and they renegotiated. Bella watched, transfixed, as Edward tended to the tiny boy. He changed a diaper, confessing to googling the steps several times, and dressing little James in a clean sleeper. He walked the baby back and forth in the small room, humming and snuggling the whole time.

In a very low voice, Edward started singing a song Bella hadn't heard before. The lyrics were simple and repetitive.

 _I will give you everything, that you've ever wanted._

 _And with this promise, I will bring you home again._

 _I will give you anything, if you don't demand it._

 _And with one promise, I will make you mine again._

Edward finished the song and returned to humming. Bella felt strangely emotional at the song; it touched her heart. It was stating a fact, pure fact, not flowery phrases and empty promises. Seeing Edward adoring this little baby and singing to him also tugged at her heart. The man she knew before wasn't caring like this, he only cared for himself. The new Edward took care of others, listened and loved. He had changed, as much as she had. Maybe it was safe to give him her heart again and trust him with it.

Edward slid the sleeping baby into his hospital bassinet and made sure the swaddling was secure. A fresh and happy Alice came slowly back into the room with Jasper's assistance. Edward and Bella said goodnight to the new family and walked hand in hand out of the hospital.

Edward dropped Bella off at her loft, with a strong hug and a sweet kiss. As he turned to go, Bella stopped him.

"That song you were singing to James, what was that?"

"It's new, I just finished writing it. It's the first song I've done completely on my own, melody and lyrics."

"It's sweet. I think it's wonderful you wrote a song for James."

"Actually, I wrote the song for you, Bella. It just seemed like the best time to sing it then. Just wait until you hear the whole thing with arrangement and full band. It might even make you want me again." He winked at her with the last sentence.

"I think it might, too." Bella shut the door behind her, leaving a stupefied Edward alone in the hall.

 **AN: Song for this chapter: _I Will Give You Everything_ by The Skydiggers. We are so close to the end, if you can believe it. Thank you for reading.**

 **I have submitted a story for the Babies at the Border compilation. As of today, I believe there are 112 authors donating for your reading pleasure across several fandoms. Just a $10usd donation, to one of five charities working to help those separated families at the American southern border, gets you a copy of this massive compilation. It's a veritable who's who's of fandom and they let me be included as well. Look for their facebook page for details for your donation.**

 **Also, if you are really bored, come join me at Shouldbecleaning stories, also on facebook, where we do almost nothing of interest at all.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I'm sad to say this is the last chapter. I don't have an epilogue in mind, but I'm open to suggestion. This story would not be the same without the patient care of JulieToo. Likewise the talents of Beachcomberlc. They both helped me enormously through the conception, execution and delivery of Uncredited. For this and many other things, I thank them. Thank you also to IpsitaC77 who made a beautiful banner and is a wonderful friend.**

 **I dedicate this story to Judyblue95, who's enthusiasm kept me writing.**

Chapter 28

Dear Ms B. Swan,

We are pleased to welcome you to the College of Art and Design as a mature student. We have examined your transcripts from other institutions and are delighted to offer you 60 credit hours towards the Interior Design Bachelor of Arts degree you indicated as your area of study. Enclosed, please find the truncated course list required for completion of this degree. The architectural courses must be taken as an addition to the required courses. A fee schedule and campus map are also included with this package. Any questions or concerns in regards to this letter can be forwarded to the office of the Dean of Admissions.

Sincerely,

Judy Makenna

Admissions Administrator

* * *

To: e_cullen gmail

Subject: Thank you

Hey, how are you enjoying the tour? Three cities down, great press for each date; I can imagine you're flying high. I caught a few YouTube videos and you guys sound great together. I find there's an energy that had been missing from your stage shows for a while. I especially love the crowd's reaction when Jasper flew onto the stage. It was a very Pink move and they loved it. I'm glad he was able to join you. It was my pleasure to stay with Alice for the two days he was gone; the entire Cullen clan did not have to send flowers, you know!

So, I have to thank you for the tee-shirts you've been sending. I don't know where you've been able to find such unusual and quirky prints, but I'm tickled. I particularly like the one from The Snake Pit. I've never been voted _Queen Cobra_ before and to answer the question in the smaller print, ' _Does she spit or swallow?_ ', I'll never tell. However, I didn't inspect the shirt very well the first time I wore it. It made for a very long, frustrating day before I realized it said "Nice Asp" on the back. Thankfully, I wore it to spend the day with Angela. I swear she had to change her pants after seeing it. She blamed her lack of bladder control on pregnancy, but I blame you. She and Ben are eagerly awaiting babies two and three, but four months seems like a really short amount of time to get everything ready.

I was shocked by just how _Earth Mother_ Alice had become. It's a good look for her, although I'm not giving up coffee for kale smoothies any day. It took me long enough to jump on the coffee train, compared to some, but who can resist good Sumatran coffee when you get try it fresh roasted by the farmers themselves? I might need another trip to Indonesia to relive the experience soon.

I miss you. I miss having you closer and that doesn't scare me as much as it used to.

Love, Bella

* * *

 _People Watch Magazine -_ August

Uncovered's temporary front man and keyboardist Edward Cullen was caught out with mystery brunette babe this Friday at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. While a musician paying homage at this location is not unheard of, the fact that formerly "Sullen Cullen" was smiling, playing and seen to be having fun in public with another person is what caught our attention. And it looks really good on him, don't you think?

* * *

To: bswan17 gmail

Subject: Hey

Did you leave a pair of tiny black panties in my hotel room just to torture me? I would have loved to see them on you, but I'm happy with our slow approach. Well, happy may be overstating, but like I said, I will wait for you.

Thank you for coming to visit. You made Cleveland my new favourite city, and I know Alice really appreciated your help with James on the plane. She still feels really guilty that he both threw up and pooped on you during the flight home.

We've decided to end this tour with a bit of a bang. I know you have classes starting next week, but could you come to the closing show? Mom and Dad are coming and Alice is hiring a nanny for the trip. You can study on the plane. Chicago is only a couple hours away. Please, please, please?

Thinking of you,

Edward

* * *

 _Rolling Stone Magazine_ \- October issue

"Recovering Uncovered" by Jane Marcus

I first interviewed Edward Cullen and the rest of Uncovered years ago as they were making their rapid ascent to stardom. For this meeting, I found Edward Cullen is still quite lickable, and I still kept my professional demeanour, but this time he's also _likeable_. Gone are the one word answers and evasion. In its place is an open, happy Cullen and band.

I was quite surprised to receive an invitation to attend their Chicago show, the closing show of their _Loon Lake_ album tour. I was further surprised to find the invitation came not from a publicist's assistant, but from the band themselves. With a handwritten note inviting me backstage for the last set.

I hope I won't be wrong in thinking that this concert will go down in history as one of the more unusual. You could feel the giddiness, not from the audience, which was disproportionately female and ranged widely in age groups, but from the band and crew, both on and off stage. I was given a folding director's chair in the wings stage left and the best view for what unfolded that night. To be sure, it's a concert I will never forget. Especially knowing it could very well be the last concert Uncovered ever plays together.

One of the drawbacks of writing for a monthly magazine is that breaking news isn't something we cover. We do, however, get to delve deeper into the issues and events to get at the meat of the story. By now, you all know what happened. Admit it, you are a fan of Uncovered, that's why you're reading this article. You know all about Jasper's comedic arrival on stage, the oversized diaper he wore and the heartbreaking rendition of _Sweet Baby James_ he sang before announcing he was leaving the band to stay home to raise his baby son.

I'm certain you've seen the YouTube video clips of Rosalie strutting out from behind her drumkit, dropping to one knee and proposing to Emmett. Just as I'm also sure you saw the tear that ran down Edward Cullen's face as he announced he too was leaving the band before he introduced the band's new line-up with Riley Biers as the lead, Rosalie and Emmett and newcomer, Garrett Strange taking over guitar. Many bands have broken up and reformed over the years, but none with such grace as Uncovered. It was a true passing of the torch. The new band played some of our old favourites as the former members left the stage.

However, what you did not see was the activity in the dressing room after the show. You didn't get to see the usually sombre Emmett McCarty dancing with his fiance, laughing and grinning like a fool. You didn't get to see Jasper and Edward sing The Proclaimers' _500 Miles_ in falsetto just to piss Rosalie off. You also didn't get to see the look of Jasper's face when his wife, Edward's sister, called to say good night. You didn't get hugs and kisses from the band, nor invited to join them the next night for drinks at their favourite bar. The bar where they started getting notice all those years ago. I don't mind if you hate me, but please keep reading.

The following night I arrived at the bar at seven-thirty, hoping to grab some dinner and organize my notes before the band arrived at nine as planned. I was surprised to find Jasper, his wife Alice, and Edward there doing much the same. I joined them for some very tasty burgers and astonishingly bad french fries. It was like meeting up with old friends. Despite years in the spotlight and all the troubles the band and its people have been through, they are still just small city kids, nice and happy.

Jasper and Edward disappeared behind the stage, tucked into the back of the bar, to unearth the moldy karaoke machine for the owner. Alice and I had a short, but illuminating conversation. She was frank, almost blunt. She told me the reason Jasper was taking a step back from the band and touring was because she was suffering from postpartum depression. She was quick to assure me that she wasn't psychotic, just severely depressed. Alice told about her search for a good psychologist and their efforts to regulate her hormones. Her parents have been helping out as much as possible with taking her to appointments and keeping her on a schedule. Jasper and Edward returned and joined in the discussion when they were done, all shiny-sweaty and dusty from the effort. He mentioned the fact that Alice, in her position as junior vice-president of the investment firm where she is employed, makes a far better and more steady income than he did, so his taking a few years off wouldn't hurt the family coffers.

"Jasper is much more domestic than I am. We both want children, but I need to work outside of the home. I need regular adult interaction, I need the stress and pace of the business world and he can cope with homelife much better than I can. It may be unusual, but it will work for us."

A few minutes later two women entered the bar, one pushing an old fashioned baby carriage, the kind you'd see watching _Downton Abbey_ or some other British period show. Jasper introduced me to their nanny, Tanya, a young Russian woman they're sponsoring and to Bella Swan, an old friend of the band and former classmate of Alice. Edward's face lights up instantly at the sight of the two women with the baby and it takes me a while to figure out who it is that elicits such a response from him. Baby James, or Jimmy P as his father calls him, is passed around for cuddles. At five months of age, he is a roly-poly chunk of a baby with his daddy's curls and his mommy's serious stare. Until he is in the arms of Uncle Edward, who, unbeknownst to me is the funniest person on the planet. James finds him hilarious, and I find the faces Edward pulls to be quite funny myself.

The arrival of Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale stops the baby's laughter, but brings a smile to the faces of the rest of the group, mine included. They don't stay for long, a few hugs and a quick chat but they offer to return Tanya and the baby to the Cullen family home. I'm still sitting with Alice and I can't help but overhear her conversation with Ms. Swan. She gives Alice a progress report of sorts; the nanny is here in part to improve her English language skills and they spent the afternoon together chatting. I ended up joining in the conversation, completely forgetting my surroundings and company, and we had a great discussion about idioms and colloquialisms. It wasn't until the return of Emmett and Rosalie that I remembered why I was there.

The karaoke machine was kicked into life and Alice's name was called as the first singer of the night. She was too busy laughing at the selection on the screen to start the song, but she gathered herself together enough by the chorus to begin belting Meredith Brooks' _Bitch_. Rosalie turned to me and filled me in on the inside joke.

"We used to do this in college; she and I had a few songs we called our theme songs, and she would always choose _Bitch_. Every time."

I asked Rosalie what her song was but she waved me off.

After a few more patrons gave the old system a try, the bartender called for a break. I decided to try to do my job and looked around to see if I could find Edward Cullen for a quick interview. I spotted him at the bar, standing beside Bella Swan as they waited for the bartender to serve them. I watched as she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and passed him a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it and read it; all the while her eyes were on him. He looked up, and although I couldn't hear what they said, it was easy enough to guess from their expressions.

"Really?' He asked her.

"Yes." She nodded

"You're sure?"

"I am."

I could hear his cheer of delight. I think the people in the restaurant next door could hear him. I, and everyone else at the table, watched as Edward bent slightly, wrapping his arms around Ms. Swan's waist as she threw her arms around his neck. He picked her up and spun several times in a circle with her in his arms, until he put her feet back on the ground. Her arms still around his neck he brought his hands up and cupped her face, then kissed her gently. The kiss grew more and more heavy as we all watched before Rosalie cleared her throat, forcing us to stop staring.

Now, I'm the first to admit, I'm a nosey person. That's part of the reason I got into journalism in the first place. I want to know, I want all the information before I make my decisions. But watching this kiss, seeing the affection between those two, I didn't need any more. There was nothing to dig up. Edward Cullen had found love and he was a happy man.

I'll always be thankful I was invited to witness the last hurrah of the band Uncovered. Not that I was a huge fan of their music before. They'd had a few catchy tunes, some great melodies and lyrics that stay with you, but I have other favourites. But I got to see a real group come together. They may not have always gotten along in the past and there were dark years, but now at the end, they seem closer than ever. I'm glad I got to see the beginnings of their happily ever after. I'm sure Rosalie and Emmett will have a successful marriage; they seem to be good friends as well as crazy for each other. Alice and Jasper have lots of help and I'm sure eventually, Jimmy P will be a rock maven or a business star. Riley Biers will take Uncovered to new places, and if nothing else, Edward Cullen will have the love of Bella Swan.

* * *

"How are you doing?" Edward bumped his hip with Bella's as they stood together at the bar. The bartender was at the other end, making a round for another group.

"I'm alright. I was thinking back to the last time I sang karaoke. How different everything is now. How much I've changed from those days."

Fear pooled in Edward's throat. Things between them had been good. They had connected well over the last couple on months, very well during her visit to Cleveland. She had taken him to her bed and allowed him to show her his feelings physically. Other than sound check, concerts and one trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they spent all their time in bed learning the other's body, wrapped around each other and sleeping together. It was mind-boggling to Edward that finally he had everything he ever wanted, while being nestled in her arms. He hoped she loved him even a fraction of what he felt for her. The last few days since the band had returned home were much the same. Every stolen moment was shared. Not nearly enough moments for his liking, between her schooling and his obligations. They lived rather far apart, on other sides of the city and traffic ate into their time together.

Edward was worried, both that remembering the past and how he treated her then and the inconveniences of trying to build a new romance with busy lives now might cause Bella to pause and re-evaluate their relationship.

"I've changed too, I hope you can see that, Bella. I can't be that guy again." She glanced at him, but continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"I confused need and want back then. Confused them both for affection. I thought if you needed me, that meant you cared. You needed my words, but you didn't need me. I don't think it was love, it was too selfish."

"Bella, I…" She stopped him by laying her hand over his.

"It's amazing how time changes one's perspective. Last time I sang karaoke, I sang a sad song about youth. I've been racking my brain to think of what I might sing now, but nothing is coming to mind. For the first time, I can't find the right words."

His gut twisting, Edward let a silence grow between them. The bartender took their orders but nothing else was said for a painfully long time.

"Just about ten years ago, I fell in love with an up-and-coming rock star and he broke my heart. This time, I think I need to fall for the guy next door. The handsome, hard-working, and kind guy next door."

"Please, Bella, don't."

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She didn't look at him, she just passed it to him while staring at the display bottles of liquor behind the bar.

Edward unfolded the piece of paper and read. He didn't see her face turn to his and watch for his reaction.

If the music hadn't been so loud, everyone in the bar would have heard his gasp. He looked from the paper to her shyly smiling face.

"Really?"

"Yes" Bella couldn't help but nod.

"You're sure?" Edward felt the hope build back up in his heart.

"I am." She barely got the words out before he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her in the air, spinning and laughing. The piece of paper fluttered down to rest on the bartop. Dizzy, he lowered her to standing and kissed her. If it weren't for the crowd, the kiss would have led much further, but the sound of someone clearing their throat reached them over their own passion and a quiet lull in the music.

"Hey guys, tone it down, okay? That'll be sixteen dollars together. I'm assuming from that kiss that you're together, right?"

Pulling his wallet out of his pocket, Edward winked at the bartender, handing him a twenty.

"We're together."

Bella picked up the piece of paper.

"The loft next to mine is a bit smaller due to the elevator, but with some work I can turn it into a great musician's apartment."

She grabbed a pen from the bar and began to sketch on the reverse of the real estate listing.

"If we put your kitchen along the same wall as mine, we don't have to move too much of the plumbing. There'll be room for a soundproofed studio in the far corner with a small guest room above it. I definitely think a smaller bathroom, and then an office above that. But we'll make your bedroom bigger, so that one day, when we're ready, we could turn it into our room. Maybe knock down a few walls?"

 **AN: Thank you for reading.**


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